My friend has fibromyalgia, anyway I can help them?

[BOTW99]

Hello. I'm new here. To the forum and Fibromyalgia in general. I'd never even heard of it before my friend spoke of it. The only person I know with anything remotely similar is my father with extremely mild multiple sceloris.

Cut a long story short. I recently got back into contact with an old friend. Last spoke to them in 2015 probably. Since getting back into contact I've regretted every single day I didn't speak with them. Sadly we can't speak as often as I'd like. Because she has Fibromyalgia and she has it bad. They mainly have mental fog and joint issues, they also get sick often. She often pulls her joints and injures herself so she even struggles walking some days. I've asked if I can help her and she says she's wants to face these challenges on her own. It's extremely inconsistent and random flares can happen anytime without warning.

It's an online friendship so I'm limited to what I can do. But is there anyway I can help them? They've done so much for me, I'd do absolutely anything to help them with this condition.

[johnsmith]

If you are using skype with webcam there is a simple method which can be helpful. When talking with her work on smiling with your eyes. It will make her feel better. Do not grin.

[Hidden]

I think to just be understanding is the main thing but realise it is her illness and unique to her. One example is a friend called in for coffee, I was in pain, moving around in slow-Mo looking like the Tin Man on a bad day. I said my hips and legs were bad today, Oh I know what it’s like she’s says, my shoulder hurts every morning, I put ice on it and it’s ok after half an hour. This doesn’t help !!!! Neither do comments like hope you’re better soon, oh well it could worse (aaaggghhhh) etc...

It is a difficult thing to understand, it’s a horrible condition that has narrowed my life by about 90% so just be there to chat when she wants to, perhaps read a bit on here about how it affects people.

And bless you for being a friend who cares—- often in short supply when you have fibro.

[BOTW99 in reply to Hidden]

When I read of fibro for the first time it blew my mind just how immense it was, all the symptoms and ailments. I can't imagine what she goes through in all honesty. But yeah, I'd say she enjoys my company and thank you

[Bakgri]

I really agree with the previous post that the hardest for me is when people say to me “oh its just middle age” or look at me incredulously when I cant remember an event from a while back (which happens very often) I think just generally people minimising what you have by making comparisons to something much simpler is hard. It sounds like, by posting your question on here and showing your concern, that you are already a lovely supportive friend!

[geo_ in reply to Bakgri]

Oh my, Bakgri, your comment regarding moments when you can't remember an event from a while back made me smile. That happens to me often, as well, and I hate it when people laugh or make snide remarks. But, after all, it's my choice not to disclose my illness, so I guess I can't blame them for not being empathetic.

[BOTW99 in reply to Bakgri]

Oh yes certainly, her memory is good on a short term basis but she sadly forgot many things we spoke of in 2015 and thank you

[Echoblue]

What a lovely friend you are being. Be guided by your friend on how much they can manage. If conversation is by Skype your friend may not be able to manage long if they are in a flare up as exhaustion can just take over, but that having said, even short bouts of contact can be very much appreciated if your friend can’t get out much. Sounds like you are on the right tracks by doing some research and asking these questions 👍🏻

[BOTW99 in reply to Echoblue]

Not heard from them for 2 days now. Not being online today either. They did say they were fearing another flare up. But yeah, I'm learning a lot. Thank you

[Hidden]

I use a scale of 1_10 being worst and it can cut repeating self cos we don't actually want to describe it all-day..we want to be distracted ...what are your friends interests ,although I get it it's not always possible.you are great friend .has she found this forum . routine..good GP ..just being there for them x

[BOTW99 in reply to Hidden]

To be fair we don't speak of fibromyalgia too much. We speak about a variety of things, last message contained Dr. Who, music, north east England, Spanish, Disney, family history and football. Our messages are usually at least 7 paragraphs and are very long, but they're the kind of person I could never tire of speaking to. We've both been through so much. She knows a lot about fibro so she may of been on this forum before, not sure, I doubt it. She would of said I think.

[Hidden]

That's wonderful,don't know what else you could do 🤩