Fibromyalgia Action UK
40,241 members52,356 posts

A reality shock :-(

Here I have been feeling not great and a tad sorry for myself, and suddenly I get a reality shock which makes me feel very ashamed of myself.

A friend rang me this afternoon to let me know that a mutual friend has suddenly gone down hill and is in the final stages of cancer which she has been battling for three years or so. I saw her about three weeks ago and she was doing really well, her hair was growing back and she was "doing well". Suddenly last week she took a turn for the worse and went into hospital, which I wasn't aware of. Anyway, the long and short of it is that within a few days she will no longer be with us.

This may sound wrong, and do hope no one takes it other than in than manner it is meant. We all suffer every day, life can be and is often very hard work, but the one thing we do have on our side is that it is not terminal, yes life in general is terminal, but I doubt anyone dies directly from fibro, but I stand to be corrected on that !

I am thankful that my friends' suffering will not be prolonged, but all the same, she has been a fab friend for the 21 years I've known her and I will miss her greatly.

A very sad Foggy x :-(

11 Replies

dear Foggy, I am very sorry to hear about your friend and must be a shock after seeing her seeming better.

However, no-one else's pain and difficulties diminishes yours. You have nothing to be ashamed of.



I am though Sandra, ashamed that I make a fuss of what pain I'm in when people suffer so much more and face the end of their lives with such courage and I moan as I've been and done something stupid like yesterday's carpet cleaning fiasco, all my own decision but my friend hasn't asked for or done anything to make her situation worse and yet is heading to her death with such courage ! :-( :-(

Foggy x


I'm so sorry to hear that about your friend Foggy, especially after seeing her looking so well it really must have been quite a shock.

As Sandra says you've nothing to be ashamed of hunny :)

Thinking of you all xxxzebxxx


Yes it certainly has been a shock, and I won't be able even to visit her as she is deteriorating so quickly :-(

Foggy x


thinking of you and your friend from a 36 year old fm sufferer and one who has lost family and friends to cancer xx


Im so sorry to hear about your friends. Gentle hugs.

Im also sorry for my insentivie post


to true Foggy and and hugs for you at this time it can be a shock .... my brother went to the doctor had test was told he had 6 months to live he died within 2 weeks of being diagnosed so yes i am grateful every day and like you not to others suffering but i am breathing big hugs to you xxxxx


Oh Foggy, please don't feel bad about yourself and I'm so sorry about your friend. We all have days when we do too much, and part of the result is we beat ourselves up about it, especially when you have a friend who is so poorly and the result is guilt.

You've had a very big shock. And yes, your friend didn't ask to be ill but you didn't ask for fibro either. At times I question the fairness in our world and it isn't fair but there is little we can do.

I don't think I've ever heard you moan about being in pain or tired. You are such a kind, understanding, considerate person. I also think you have no idea about how much you help people on this site.

You have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Is x


So sorry to hear of your friend foggy. I lost my Dad and my Mum to cancer and also I lost someone I know to cancer just last month and felt so guilty for a while that I moan sometimes when I get bad days. Like you I am so grateful that what I have is not terminal. Some days we do have to be allowed to feel down though, as it helps us to deal with the pain we have, as long as we can bounce back again and feel lucky enough to be able to manage our illness, even if it isn't always easy.

Sometimes I grieve for the life I had before fibro but since my friend died I am so glad I do still have a life and I aim to make the best of it. I feel so sad that my friend didn't get that chance and like your friend she went downhill so fast in the end I never got to see her, but in a way I am glad as I remember her that last time I saw her, smiling and positive in the face of her terrible illness and it makes me sit up and take note and be grateful for what I do have, my life, and I intend to live it.

Take care Foggy xx


Hi Foggy, just found this post. It's understandable that you feel the way you do, but remember carrying on can sometimes be just as hard at times. There is always someone else that is worse off and I, myself, try to remind myself of that. However, it does not change the fact of what we have to cope with on a daily basis and long term. I am very sorry to hear about your friend, it is always a terrible shock, but I am sure your friend knows how you have been there for her over the years and that you can hold those memories dear to your heart. I lost my only sister back in March to cancer. We went away for a few days in January and it literally was weeks after that she was gone. It was so quick and the pain and grief never really leaves you. I will always miss her and feel sad that her life was taken so quickly. When you think about what we go through in our lives, it's amazing that we find the strength to carry on at times.

Gentle hugs and my thoughts are with you.

Tannels x


I hear exactly what you are saying I suffer with va lot of pain but it's not going to take my life and I also have a friend in the final stages of cancer few months left to live and also my sister is going through hell with breast cancer that the consultant originally missed so it grew and went into her lymph nodes before the consultant actually realized it was cancer. I often feel guilty that I moan about being in constant pain when I have a friend that is dying with a young son but she tells me off for feeling guilty and is always there for me when I'm suffering as I am for her I wish I could do something special for her before its to late but she won't let me was sjhevthinks its vto much for me to come with I wanted to make a scrap book to give to her son vwhen he is 18 but she a thinks it will be to much for me to cope with at no seeing as I can hardly get out of bed due to pain.


You may also like...