Last night I completely reverted into child mode. I've always considered myself to be a loyal and good friend to my friends. I'm not blowing my trumpet, but my wish to be there for people came from a childhood and adolescence of lonliness, low self esteem etc. Things I've worked on over the years through self help and counselling. Last night I was on facebook and commented on a friends page to wish her a lovely holiday. Browsing through the comments I saw that she and another friend had met up earlier in the day for lunch. Now 'm not one for jealousy but both of these girls have been saying to me they will let me know when they are free for coffee catch up. Writing this it now seems like playground silliness on my part, but in that moment I felt so hurt because I felt rejected again, was a call too me to difficult to make? Then I wondered if they can't be bothered with me anymore because of my Fibro and CFS/ME? I don't bleat on all the time about how wretched I feel and often have been there recently for both of them with various things. This horrid illness seems at times to drag up all sorts of rubbish from the past and I don't know how to get past this! Any thoughts?
rejection hurts...: Last night I... - Fibromyalgia Acti...
rejection hurts...
Hello Joannie,
I really feel your pain - that is not meant in anyway to sound anything other than compassionate.
I totally understand what you are saying....I do really 'get it'. That feeling of rejection is 100 percent awful. Your logical brain says, come now - don't be silly these people are still my friends but I know the little girl inside does everything she can to shut logic up - like you say sometimes resorting to playground tactics of a tantrum or tears!!
Years ago I remember having a complete meltdown when my partner, at the time, said that he would give me cab money instead of picking me up after a work christmas function (mainly as I had no clue on times!) I completely lost the plot - stomping, throwing shoes, slamming doors, crying - a complete teenage hissy fit!
Ended up going out with 'frog eyes' as I'd cried so much! In hindsight......What a daft brush I was!! After all reality is that I could get back when I wanted and still enjoy the night!
Oh yes that rejection thing can be sooooo strong at times, somehow maybe listen to listen to logic / reality (or forget f/book for a while - I'm not a fan personally and feel 'free'er for letting go of checking updates daily, hourly or when I'm bored!!),
Maybe evaluate the true meaning of your friendship to these people.....season, reason, lifetime, which is hard but true (was the best advice a reason friend gave me once!! ) Above all don't be a victim to anyone - take control - then you can steer the coffee's and lunches around your own needs.
Sorry it's long - you really touched a nerve in me (in fact almost in tears as I type), just hope that my gibberish makes sense.
Best wishes and enjoy the coffee and lunches when you make the plan xx
TC Pea 
Hi Joanne
First of all you are not being childlike or silly at all. I would have felt the same in your shoes.
Even if your friends had contacted you and said they were meeting but couldn't invite you for whatever reason.
Personally, I think social media in general has a huge amount to answer for.
I am having some family problems at the moment and usually follow my sister in law on Facebook. She's always having a fabulous time and has a lovely life.
She was recently having tea and cake at Harrods and is going to see Breakfast at Tiffany's at the theatre soon.
I am struggling to get by financially and struggle to put a meal in front of my children some days.
I get incredibly jealous about the wonderful life other people are living, with no thought for me or my children.
I logged into Facebook last night, then checked myself. I have decided that I no longer want to see what certain members of my family are up to. It just makes me feel jealous and low.
I've have also decided that I am not going to use Facebook anymore. It just brings me unhappiness and makes me feel unsettled.
It doesn't help with my situation as I am quite unwell at the moment, on top of the Fibro, CFS, HMS etc
Sending you gentle hugs
Lu xx
Feel free to pm me if you would like to chat x
Apologies: Joannie!
I was typing my response before you had received any messages so apologies if I've repeated anything.
Great minds think alike
Great minds indeed! Am sure social media has a place; small businesses - families abroad etc but I feel same as you - it can bring out the worse feelings ever and if you're spending time alone the mind can be a powerful tool for and against you. I'm sure you will feel 'liberated' in a day/week or two when you see people cheeking in and talking about the rubbish on f/b. Believe me you can still get updates on all the rubbish - if you want - it's just that you will be more in control.
Good luck with your withdrawal Blue Mermaid!! ha ha.
PM if you'd like a chat. TC pea
Thanks Pea
Totally agree social media has its place without a doubt. I'm not someone who cannot cope without Facebook and don't check in on there on an hourly basis
I may have a look once or twice per week, so the withdrawal shouldn't be too bad!
Thank you for the offer of a chat. May well take you up on that
Hugs
Lu xx
For me if it wasn't for facebook I would never know what was going on inmy family...they don't bother with me much mainly because of my illnesses. I also suffer from loneliness.....I have Fibromyalgia pretty bad, M.S & Diabetic Nuropathy. I get sick of my own whingeing so I'm sure other people are...hence the reason I'm all alone All the time
So I really do understand my dear..
Oh Sylvia,
I'm so sorry to hear that you don't see much of your family due to your illness. If it's because you can't go out much, I wonder if you might be able to invite them round to see you?
It needn't be expensive, Invite family/friends to share afternoon tea with everybody bringing something home-made along (or shop bought if they don't have the time or energy). It is within everybody's capability to made a few sandwiches at least.
If you frame the invite along the lines of "I've noticed that you've been on holiday, I'd love to see your holiday snaps" or "I'd love you to meet my new neice/nephew/grandchild, why not get together at my house...".
This way, the event starts of with a positive theme and you will be able to meet up, socialise and forget your aches and pains for a little while. You will all be able to enjoy a meal together and chuckle about the mishaped fairy cakes aunty Ethel has baked!
If people ask how you are, tell them that they have brightened up your day and eased your pains, that way they will be happier to come back.
Hope things work out for you, hugs, Maggie
I don't know what to say that will comfort you but I feel like Arymretep about places like Facebook as it can cause a multitude of hurt. I blame people for putting on every tiny thing they do with their lives and then others like you see them and get hurt. I always think that if my close friend saw what was being posted on her soon to be ex daughter in laws facebook page it would break her heart and I am just glad she does not do Facebook.
Sometimes people just do not think and if they just happened to bump into one another and arranged a date what you had said to them might have just flown out of the window. I know that friends of mine have met up without my knowledge at the time and I have felt slightly hurt that I wasn't invited and then thought to myself well perhaps they get on really well and just wanted to meet up on their own and discuss things like church that might not be of interest to me. I then thought that my friend was actually being kind to the other person as she lives on her own and having had a career that she had to spend very long hours back might be rather lost now she has retired and when I thought of it like that I was much easier in my mind.
I do think that sometimes people might not invite me to things as they know I would probably have to refuse because of the nature of what they are doing but I would like the opportunity of saying yes or no but perhaps they were trying to save me the hurt of knowing they were all off to do something I would not be capable of. In fact friends went on a group long weekend to London which I was invited to but had to decline and afterwards they were very discreet in how they discussed it as a group when I was with them even though I am sure they wanted to go into every detail. They bought me a little pressie back which was sweet from Harrods.
I can understand you being sensitive as I think we have big lows with this illness when we feel very vulnerable and unsure of ourselves. When I was first ill I kept on going back to things that had happened before and realised that it was doing me no good at all as this is the here and now and because of my illness my future was going to be different. It could mean that friends who i had before might not deal easily with my illness and might drop by the wayside but that can happen in any life change like moving house or moving job when people vow to keep in touch but slowly the contact stops. Sometimes unfortunately we have to make a new beginning and try and make new friends who only know us as we are now and accept us as such as we accept hopefully how they are.
I know we can;t physically be there for you but you have a multitude of supportive friends on here who accept you just as you are a lovely caring person. Soft hugs.x
Wise words rosewine....i was struck by what you said about 'making new friends who only know us as we are now'......made me think I may be guilty of clinging to people who aren't right for me now. ..and that may be I do it because I can't really accept what I am now.....something I need to give more thought to definitely. ..
Hi again Joannie
Isn't it a shame that we can't all meet up for coffee together?
I personally am so over sensitive it drives me nuts. Perhaps I'm not alone, and this could also be a part of Fibro.
I hope the lovely messages you've received have helped.
It takes me forever to type and when I started you had not received any replies!
You have so much love and support here.
I hope that helps you xx
I'm hoping that you all can see my reply? Not sure if I need to reply individually to you all so please let me know . My hands hurt like anything today so hopefully one response covers all. Firstly thank you, you are all just amazing people and I'm so thankful I found this group. It gives me something to look forward to everyday.... seeing how my new friends are all doing.
I agree about facebook and only have a handful of 'friends' on there but maybe with the exception of a few that's a handful too many! Many are old work colleagues who mumbled about how much I would be missed when I lost my job but interestingly none bother to check in with me so I'll think I will take your advice and have a friend cull!
I guess also after some reflection maybe I haven't fully dealt with the pain from childhood and the anniversary of mums death is looming too. The mind Is a fairly powerful thing, its amazing how one comment, smell, observation can propel you back to a place that was dreadful . But inspite of it all I am proud of the person I became when I could so easily have taken many different paths. I think having a chronic illness changes us in terms of understanding and compassion, the ability to empathise with others and that truly is a blessing.
So many many heartfelt thanks and gentle hugs to you all
Jo x
Thank you for replying Joannie. Yes we can all see it as long as we go back to your post which I am sure we all can.
If you ever want to send a message to just one person you can do a personal message and you can find out how to do that by clicking on the Help section or any of us will try and help you out.
I think you are moving forwards beautifully. It does not happen overnight and we all lapse into our old thoughts and ways but as long as we keep in slowly inching forwards we will get there in the end. Remember the tortoise eventually overtakes the hare.
Gentle hugs.x
It's not silly and you shouldn't feel bad. Not everybody is as kind and thoughtful as some of us. I wouldn't worry too much maybe it was a last minute thing and neither of them thought about others. I found out that my two sisters met last night and had a great night out having had to ask me for the others phone number cos they never keep in touch. Not a thought that it might be fun to ask me too. One is only here for two weeks from America.
Keep in touch with your friends no matter what they do cos it gets harder to make new ones. They are lucky to have you . Keep smiling.
Best wishes to you.
Calihotel.
oh calihotel i'm sorry that is the ultimate rejection. How hurtful for you I'm so sorry.
Hugs
jox
Hi Jo, everybody is right on here about this and don't let this get to you at all, after all, there may be a time when you could be with one of those friends that just wanted a one-one may be they were discussing you and wanted to surprise you or arrange to start seeing you more often.
All my friends are different types and don't really get on with each other and I see all them for a catch up when I can individually so don't let this get to you but start emailing them privately and individually for a chat and catch up when you feel like one. Two of my friends like going for day trips and because I drive, use to arrange a day trip to the beach or shopping outlet and even spa days on separate occasions with just two of us. What ever you do, don't change and just carry on face book but start having more fun on their too then they will realise how much they will miss you. Take care!
I feel for you as a similar thing happened to me; one of my sisters live 400 miles away and came down to visit our mum. mum is usually the first person who tells us all the news but she didn't say a word and I didn't get to meet my new niece whilst they were down here visiting.
as for FB I agree that it can cause upset; I am not a member but my daughter was, she had several uncalled for nasty comments and no longer uses it.
I too love this site, I enjoy reading posts and learning about my "fibro buddies" on here. hugs to you xx
Hi there, if you have had counselling, did you have CBT? Just because your friends didn't invite you, there is no evidence for your belief that they are fed up with you. Any help? Having said that, I understand exactly how you feel, and I would feel hurt too! Feeling hurt is a natural reaction, but you are not in the playground any more! I think this illness really lowers your self esteem and 'small' slights really wound. You sound a lovely person and deserve nice friends! With love x
DLA Rejection
Christmas Fairy
Saying goodbye to a friend
Recently diagnosed.
Has anyone been watching Saints and Scroungers?
