Feel betrayed by my family

Greetings all

Just got back from Cyprus it was nice the pains did not give me a break I fact it turned up the heat

My husband was very attentive to my struggle and made sure that everything was done around me to support me with that I pushed myself to not spoil anyone's fun trips out but would often groan with pain or silent and a bit miserable as it was often unbearable

My mum who came with us showed me another side to her she made remarks that all my husband needed to do was put a. nappy on me and no other man would tolerate me. Each morning my husband would ask me how I felt as nights were disrupted with pain and discomfort my mum would get up and ask what we doing today and would sulk if hubby said it depends on how I feel.

Since arriving back home my mum spoke to my husband and said she can see that I am the problem in our sometimes difficties.

because he is to attentive and she and my brothers think all this pain is in my head my husband said my brother had said this to him once and he did think the same way for a short while. He can see it's not fake I have been so upset as I am genuinely seriously going through so much pain all over Fybromyalga I have a blood disorder which I am told can contribute to pain and something called vulvadinya which causes pain like giving birth this has got worse since a full hysterectomy from a Tumor . I am so upset that they could treat me this way an I going over the top or is this a familiar problem

17 Replies

  • OK, now I'm cross. Would your mum treat any other disability in this manner? I don't think so, so many times I have read of such ignorance. I think you should bombard her with every piece of information you can find and keep at it until it sinks in that you are ill and it's painful and maybe you can't see it but it's real. Show her this forum. I can assure you the NHS would not give us expensive treatment for something that isn't real, it is recognised by DSS and social services. Sorry for the rant. We are all on your side here. Best wishes Lou xx

  • Me again, I wonder if your family have been on Google and homed in on the snake oil merchants who say Fibro doesn't exist, if so I suggest you take your Mum to your next appointment. Lou xx

  • Hi sorry you are feeling so sad about this but yes it is all too familiar.Most of us with hidden illnesses meet this sort of reaction all the time and I know it feels even worse when it is a family member.I have a similar reaction from my brother he thinks iam a hyperchondriac despite me having had endometriosis.back surgery , Graves disease, sevete restless leg syndrome , IBS and fibro! I would like to see him cope with just one of these conditions.

    Now how you deal with it is up to you either you do as suggested by lou and give her all the info to see if it gives her more understanding or maybe your hubby could help you out with this.I choose a different route I made up my mind to tell my brother nothing (and one or two so called friends).On the rare occasions he asks how I am I say oh never better! I have as little to do with him as possible and have got rif of the 'friends'In my book those thet matter know and those that dont know dont matter.

    Now I font know how old uou are but I have had pain problems for over 40 years and my attitude to the unbelievers has hardened I no longer care what they think anymore.

    This is howevet your mum as well as your brothers so I would imagine you font want to cut them out of your life so try talking to your mum, tell her how hurt you are by her comments and try to get her to understand about your ilkness at least then you know yourself you have tried your best,

    Another thought as a mum myself maybe she saw for the first time how bad you are and maybe doesn't want to accept is as it has upset or frightened her, we mums cant bare to see our children suffering no matter how old they are.If she is not the sort of person to show emotions maybe this is her way of dealing with it.

    Good luck x

  • Hi

    Yes maybe she is in denial as I have had mental health issue due to a violent home life as a young child it was not her fault it affected me pretty badly and she always says I don't know where this has come from I will say yes you do.

    I know she loves me

    She has always been very controlling and protective

    Being an only girl with three brothers was hard. She is very close to my younger brother who made the comment. I am 53 she treats me like I'm still a child at times

    I Have four grown sons who try their best to do what they can they feel so helpless at times

    I have been looking for a home swap for a while hoping something comes up soon so I can start fresh and have distance the move is also to facilitate the Fybromyalga and not climbing so much stairs

    Thanks x

  • Oh hun. Unfortunately you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family :( my mum has said awful things. ..like good mums don't rest in the day. ....and my sister laughed when my legs gave way and I scraped myself on a brick wall.....

    Thankfully I don't have to have much to do with them and the past few years I have had unrelated health things.quite major things... just didn't bother to tell them as they don't seem to care ...told my friends instead who have always been supportive.

    I'm very unhappy that this a happened to you when you are out of your 'comfort' zone I.e. home and feeling a lot worse than usual.

    ...but yes..I have heard stories from other people too....It is quite common. ..I really hope you have lovely friends. I do. We can only keep in touch via the Internet but I find that is cool as when I'm having to have lights off earplugs in day I won't have to worry they could just turn up at door ;)

    Mmmmwah xxxx


  • Thank you for your kind words I don't keep in touch with friends think everyone is fed up or just think it's to much my children are normally good they try they just feel helpless at times xxxx

  • All my old friends seem to have just melted away but meeting new friends and getting snail mail from them and sending mail to them has meant a lot to me. People underestimate just how difficult it is not to see people much. I've been out of the house three times this year and one was an atos assessment so was hardly a treat ;)

    Hooray for t ' Internet!

    Mmmmwah xxxxx

  • Hi I am so sorry your family has said these things ,they would sing a different tune if was one them as we all know ,we all know we wouldn't wish this on anyone, ignorance is bliss I wish I could help ,your husband sounds wonderful maybe you should give your family a wide berth for a while ,and keep holidays to just yourselves try not to think about them if you can, your wellbeing is more important . Keep your chin up and let it go :)


  • I agree, it does make me cross though. If you knew me you would know I don't often lose my temper. Lou xx

  • Me to I am forthright and I suppose I don't suffer fools but I am I think a gentle soul. That's how I see me any way ,I can never understand unkindness to others , Chris x

  • Hi I am trying not to let it drag me down I am trying to find a home swap as I live very close to them and start fresh xx

  • Thank you for your kind words I don't keep in touch with friends think everyone is fed up or just think it's to much my children are normally good they try they just feel helpless at times xxxx

  • I am the same I have a couple of friends who understand but only as they have health issues themselves ,I have found the support on this site wonderful ,ken ,foggy ,Hamble ,gins and mr badger and Emma with her advice have been brill with me ,I have been on the H/U site since march I think started on the lupus (MCTD) site but I have fibro as well and I need laughter and here I find it's here :d there are always unkind ,ignorant people in our lives we can't avoid them unfortunatly but I come on here and have a rant and it helps no end ,my children are very good I have had a couple of nicknames in the past when I was fit and they will give you an idea of how I was perceived Wonder Woman and super woman :d to find myself reliant on the help and kindness of others has been hard,and one who was reliant on me ,has to rely on others has been the one that I find has been the most unsympathetic and harsh.

    We will be ok I am sure take care

    Chris x

  • Thank you for your kind words I don't keep in touch with friends think everyone is fed up or just think it's to much my children are normally good they try they just feel helpless at times xxxx

  • Hi Serenity61

    I am so sorry to read that you have been left feeling so hurt by your family, but your husband sound like a wonderful man who is standing at your side throughout thick and thin?

    It never ceases to amaze me how families can treat one anther? But please remember that your loving and caring husband is your soul mate and the one who loves you the most.

    All my hopes and dreams for you

    Ken x

  • what your mum is well out of order and I think we all on here will agree she should live with the pain for just aday see how she wwould cope much hugs hunny we all care and here for you xx

  • So sorry sweetheart, I know how people who have no idea can be cruel, but one's own family well that's horrible. Thank God you have a good husband to see you through. Have you tried going to a pain clinic? They are better able to access your pain and give you something that will help your suffering. Hope this helps and that your family wakes up to the fact that it's not in your head and far from it!!! xxx Mitzi

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