Do we ever really accept ?

Hello all ,

I've just gone back to work after the 6 wk holiday, followed by an operation and a further 3 wks off , and have really struggled with pain this week and feeling ill.

Tonight , when I started feeling unwell again,i just burst into tears and felt so angry .

I said to my OH ;I am sick and pissed off with feeling ill ,I just want to be normal again ! and cried and cried until my eyes felt sore .

I have sjogrens, MCTD,and fibro .

I thought I had accepted being different to what I used to be, and manage to be positive most of the time. I also have a strong faith which gives me strength.

So , my question is , Do we ever get to a place where we accept and are at peace with the way we are and all that it means ? and how do you keep positive ? where does your strength come from ?

14 Replies

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  • Morning Larissa,

    It is so very difficult to answer this one and you poor dear have had such a rough time of it.

    Personally as time goes by I get on with everyday - I must admit although I remain ever positive in my approach to life I still find myself meeting a brick wall every now and then when I wish for my old life but that doesnt help in coming to terms with life as it is now, So it is a matter of accepting and trying to move on through each day yes I take it as it comes what else is there to do.

    So in answer the majority of the time I am at peace with lif

    e however there are always off days in anyones life and we are no exception.

    I find humor is one of lifes best defences so keep smiling today the sun is shinning! xxgins

  • Th ankyou gins, I now realise that it is unrealistic for me to be positive 100% of the time . It just feels so horrible when I hit my brick wall. Its like feeling , temporarily , that I cant cope !

    I too , am at peace most of the time and have a good sense of humour . Maybe I have accepted , and this is what my acceptance looks like , this is as close as I can get.

    Thankyou for your reply, it has helped xxx

  • Hi,

    sorry you are going through such a rotten time at the moment.

    Personally I am still struggling with acceptance but maybe one day. I agree with gins that humour really does help. We won't get our old lives back but hopefully we will make new lives for ourselves with time.

    Hugs

    Jillxx

  • HI,

    Thankyou ,I agree with you , its a long road but we will get there x

  • Hi Larissa,

    I feel like I've finally come to a point where I am accepting of having fibro and what that means for the future. That doesn't mean I'm always happy about it, but I think it's natural to feel sad or angry about it at times, so I don't give myself a hard time when I have those feelings. However, what I try to do when I have those thoughts is to stop myself from spiralling downwards. Some cognitive behaviour therapy I received earlier this year has been very useful in providing strategies for that.

    I also try not to look too far ahead into the future, eg. to questions like will I ever work again, will I ever improve, etc. These are questions I cannot answer and only time will tell, and thinking about them usually results in feeling very down, so no point doing that.

    I live each day as it comes. Some days are easier than others and I feel more 'normal for me now' when I do very little. Sometimes that's not possible and I do overdo it. On the days following when I invariably feel awful, I accept it, remind myself I did do something I enjoyed, knew the consequences and will feel better if I rest for a few days. I appreciate I'm lucky enough to be in a position to do that and not everyone has that luxury.

    My sense of humour also helps get me through ;)

    It has taken me a few years to get to this point and would not have happened without having a fantastic doctor. I am also extremely lucky to have such a supportive, understanding OH - I couldn't get through it without her.

    So in answer to your question, I think it is definitely possible to get there. For me it is in some part due to the support and understanding of other people and also because I'm a stubborn b****r and don't like being beaten ;)

    Don't give yourself a hard time for feeling sad about losing your old life. It would be weird if you didn't.

    Take care of yourself,

    Pip xx

  • Thankyou Pip,

    My OH is really supportive too and I am grateful for that . Thinking about it , I suppose it would be weird never to feel sad about it ,after all we are human ! but it does help to talk about it on here xx

  • Yes, I forgot that. We mustn't keep things bottled up (never a good end result) and here is a great place to let it out when needed :) xx

  • :)

  • Hi larrisa,

    I would echo what the others have said, I have gradually come to terms with the restrictions on my life, do I like it ? - no, can I change it? - no, but I can try to make the most of the good times and not fight the bad ones (except I do fight it sometimes, out of frustration and I'm sure everyone understands that feeling). Pacing works, if one makes it,but again we all have occasions when we overdo things and pay the price after.

    My dear doctor used the analogy of how do you eat an elephant (not that one would want to eat a dear ele ) - in bite size pieces, i.e. take it a day at a time and don't look too far ahead otherwise things can become overwhelming .

    It has taken me seven years to come to where I am now, though I have had fibro since I was 17, and like others, I find that a sense of humour helps. Coming here has been a life saver for me and finding other understanding, like minded people who you can't be totally honest with has made such a difference.

    I hope that you too can find peace with where you are with your health, take it slowly and don't expect too much, there will still be ups and downs, but gradually they will become less, and in reality that will be how it is for most of us.

    Very best wishes

    Foggy x

  • I think I've put this on here before, I can't remember lol. I think it sums it up

    SERENITY PRAYER

    Grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,

    the COURAGE to change the things I can

    and the WISDOM to know the difference.

  • I think one of the worse things for me is when I have been feeling 'Normal' for a while and done all the ' normal' things that other people do every day and you start thinking I'm ok there's nothing wrong with me, then wham bam it hits you and it all comes crashing in yet again it's such a feeling of despair, but as said you have to just carry on, in the words of Welsh comedian Max Boyce. (Lol). " Due it's hard"

  • I got fed up with medics telling me to accept my conditions and told the nurse at the pain clinic. She gave wise words which were, to me, invaluable. She said that I don't have to accept what I have but I do have to adapt. So, yes I do get in a stonking rage about my poor health but I am learning to adapt my life to the limitations it inevitably brings. And to stop apologising to people for my disabilities that make me walk slowly, unable to use steps etc. Happy weekend y'all

  • Thanku so much for posting. I also cried and cried today and thought endlessly about suicide just so i can end this relentless pain and fatigue. I have no OH but i do have a 14 yr old son. I get a lot of help from my 12step meetings and concepts- especially about acceptance. I can find no serenity until i accept that person place or thing as being exactly as it is supposed to be . Nothing , absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake . I am just so grateful there are brave people like yourself who share how they are feeling cos i was feeling so desperately alone and now im not as much .

  • Hi there,

    I know a lot of people find it hard to cope at times and its such a helpless feeling . Its good to connect when you need support or rant ! The replies I have received have helped me and I am so glad this site helps you too .

    If you're having suicidal thoughts , please go to your gp or there are helplines you can ring to talk your feelings through with someone. I would hate to think of anybody feeling like you did without some help or support.

    I do know that the pain and fatigue are hard to deal with but there are lots of people on here who really do get it !

    What are the 12 step meetings ?

    Thankyyou for your reply, and I am sending you a big hug x

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