In my own words: The Liberation of the Inner Me

[Sharolina]

Right now,

I feel as though

I have just emerged

through the other side

of such darkness.

A place I had been for years,

Sinking, lower and lower,

Feeling, darker and darker.

I, have been surrounded by people,

who didn't see me

Who had no idea of the private hell

I was going through, all on my own.

Or in fact, the pressure

that they added to my load.

But then a while back

I, started to really take note of myself,

the people around me, the situation I was in

and the fact that I was so unhappy,

so miserable and so depressed

I had forgotten how to smile

And I felt like this

All the time

My body was racked with pain

from top to toe

I had to use my walking sticks, every where

There was not a part of me that didn't hurt

in spite of me not doing anything drastic

And then very slowly,

and with the help of my Lady

A woman I will never forget

I began to realise

Just how much stress

I was constantly surrounded by

The sad thing, is that

It wasn’t even my mine

Or even stress that I had created

It was other peoples’

Every conversation that I had

Was with someone who leant on me

For support, or had something to share

Every phone call, contained even more

misery and tears

and to every friend that I turned

the story was the same

It was only then, that I realised

No one noticed me

No one saw my pain

No one could imagine my pain

No one could feel my pain

And sadly sympathy was in short supply-

Even though that, was not

The medicine that I required

I felt so sad,

I was so full, of loneliness

But yet, I hid it all

So well behind a smile

My lady,

Helped me to see

That it was not really others

To blame for causing my pain

it was me

I was self-harming

In a virtual way

Every time,

I took on someone else’s pain

I was cutting myself

With their words

I was giving them my permission

to hurt me

To make me feel worse

That day,

I woke up

For the first time in years

That day,

I opened my eyes

And took a good look

At what I had become

And it scared me

Somewhere, along my path

During my journey, through the darkness

I had lost myself

I had lost sight

of who I used to be

and suddenly I missed her so much

She had gone quiet for years

But I hadn’t even noticed

when she had left

I just knew she wasn’t there

With me, all the time

I have always called her

“My Free Spirit”

And every now and then

She would sparkle,

just enough to get my attention

to let me know that

she hadn’t left me completely

Every time I caught a glimpse

I felt stronger inside

As I grew stronger

I became angry

The angrier I became

The more I knew

That something had to change

In fact, not something

But someone

And that someone…

Just happened to be me

So, with the help of my lady

I set about my mission

Ever so slowly I dismantled myself

I gathered all the damaged pieces

And put them back together

Just like it was a

One thousand pieced jigsaw

of my life.

It didn’t take long

Before many pieces showed themselves

Not to fit

They just didn’t belong, somehow

Where they had used to sit

Was now occupied by a different piece

A different shape completely

That is when I saw the answer

That is when I finally understood

That though the pain still lingers,

my smile is now true

“My free spirit”, hadn’t left

she had been caring for me

nurturing all my missing pieces

Until she felt that I was finally ready

To be set free

Sharon Carter-Wray

01 09 2013

[tettridge]

Hi

That is great, I think we could all do with a bit of dismantling in different degrees & reassembling so we become, or remain that cup half full person again. I find some days that the cup just drops from my hands as I am unable to hold it so it becomes a cup of spilt empty / full. and then I have to mend the cup and keep the content in without it leaking out, not always easy, but if it was it would not be a challenge.

Kindest regards

Terry

[suffolklass]

Hi Sharon. What a wonderful poem, well done.

Keep smiling.

Is x