Gloom!

From once being a very active person to this poor excuse of an existence, I do (on bad days) think that the future looks very gloomy if my fibro is to continue going down hill at this rate. I do my best to stay active as I am TERRIFIED of loosing my independence, but to be honest, some days I appear to be down right lazy! (im not a lazy person..unless it involves housework haha) im very proud of my achievements in my once Barron garden that we inherited 19months ago. It is my passion. I've had raised veg beds made and I find it a god send. Saves me from crippling back and hip pains. Plus I have the benefit of fresh organic veg at my disposal!

I have my kids, family and friends plus pets around me and I know im blessed but the depression does take over somedays, usually on bad days when I want to do something but physically can not! On the other hand, I have also noticed, that if my mind is active and willing, quite often it can persuade this decrepit body to follow suit, it just means im in agony for a few days after though :'(

Recently I've had to buy a walking stick as my hips, mainly right hip, has been so incredibly painful. I'm only 43 :-( embarrassing and depressing. But I know I could be worse, despite my other conditions. MUST THINK POSITIVE!! zzzzzzzzz

11 Replies

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  • Morning Flips,

    It is a Good morning despite feeling teed off with your capabilities

    We all feel the same and it is so very difficult to accept how we are now. I have raised beds in my garden too and they are wonderful but the pidgeons ting we made them for them. I can hear one now coo coo ing. He will be eating the {

    Pak chow how can they know that it is good urgh makes me cross.

    Learning not only to PACE ourselves through the day pick one thing and do it well but learning how to accept how we are now is so difficult and to remain positive through out. We are so BUSY!...........

    Perhaps we are all becoming manic jugglers.......... This is what life is now so chin up and go for it and thank goodness we can go out into the garden! xgins

  • Silly question but are of on any meds ... If not you may need them and if you are they may not be totally effective and it could be time for a med reveiw ...

    I have raised beds in my garden I love to go out and potter ..... I have walking sticks , crutches a walker and a mobilty scooter so no matter how good or bad a day I am having I can be mobile.... And on really good days I have a free disabled bus pass which I got because I can no longer drive .... Pacing is essential and even that fails on really bad days... My real bad pain started when I was 43 when arthritis crept in to join the fibro... So med reveiws are always a good idea...

    good luck

    Vg x

  • My meds are all up to date VG x I don't have a car or a bus pass so im trapped sometimes. I live in a village on the outskirts of the city so transport/fares are/is expensive. I love my garden, its like a drug to me even if all I can do is sit on my swing seat and gaze around my previous achievements. Being indoors too long depresses me and last winter nearly finished me off! I really should try to PACE myself, I tend to keep going till I feel dreadful and in intense pain then take 3 days off and do it again! I know I don't do myself any favours.

    Gins, use netting or an old net curtain and peg it down, pigeons wont be able to scoff ya grub :-) xxx

  • Hi Flips,

    Sounds like you might be eligible for a bus pass - do check with your local authority.

    You need to be strict with yourself about resting, relaxing and having what fun you can manage.

    I know it's difficult - I tend to sleep rather late and I feel awfully guilty about it, though there's no earthly reason why I should. I always feel I should be doing useful stuff - we women are raised that way!

    Maybe sitting down and planning yourself a gentle schedule would help - make sure you include rest and entertainment periods - it's important to have fun!

    Perhaps you could write a gardening book? You obviously have a lot of knowledge and it would help you through bad weather!

    Moffy x

  • Thanks Moffy and I know your'e right. I should be stricter with myself. But like you say we are conditioned to keep going regardless! I have phoned my local authority this morning actually , to inquire about a bus pass?blue badge.and also my local housing office about having my bath taken out and having a wet room fitted as it is getting increasingly difficult to lift my leg up as my hip feels like it's going to snap! :(

  • Hi Flips, I too am going through a hard time at the moment I posted a long blog yesterday just try to get things off my chest, like you I try to stay positive but some days it is so hard and I think like you when I am too fatigued to do anything I feel downright lazy and I was someone who was always on the go never stayed easy always busy busy, helped everyone else and now it's so hard some days. I have fibro, arthritis in my neck, and a damaged nerve affecting my left side. But as you say we must stay POSITIVE!! or try at least.

    I wish you well, Mary xx

  • Sorry your having a bad time Mary. It's just so frustrating isn't it. I look back and think who was that person climbing trees with the kids? and going swimming etc... now its moan moan moan and please can you do this and that for me, my daughter cooks for us too (Mainly because they wont eat anything healthy at the moment! teenagers eh?!)

    I have arthritis in neck, tennis elbow and god knows what with my hip! I also suffer from depression IBS, weak bladder and tennis elbow, not to mention under-active thyroid and high blood pressure oh yes and how can I forget....FIBROSODDINGMYALGIA!!!

    I feel cursed :( but some days blessed with family and friends who understand xx

  • You truly are blessed to have supportive friends and family around you.Iam not close to my family and don't see them very often and when I do they always say I look well.They don't understand about my condition at all.And I don't have any friends to help me and it makes me feel so sad,but I've got my two children and I get help from social services so at least I have that to be grateful for.And how wonderful it must be to have a lovely garden to sit in and your own organic produce,I would love to have a beautiful garden to reflect upon,you have a lot of positives to focus on xxx

  • Hi Flips, how wonderful to have a garden which you love and which produces organic veggies. YOU made that garden, YOU achieved that. Well done.

    I have changed the way I think about fibro. You must think about what you achieve each week and not what you can't do each day. I set myself goals for the week. Things that are achievable, walk at least 5 days, finish my art assignment, turn out a cupboard. This gives me seven days to complete them and I usually do. And wow what a sense of achievement at the end. Some weeks the tasks are less then others depending on how I feel and if I have a really bum week and achieve nothing, then I set those tasks for the next week.

    We have to accept that our life is different and we have to learn to pace ourselves and when life gets us down, have a rant here.

    I have done my fair share of crying, but I will not let fibro beat me, I will not give in. Below is a poem I wrote during another sleepless night full of pain.

    So keep, gardening, keep smiling and keep achieving.

    There I was just living my life

    Having fun, with not a bit of strife.

    Then out of nowhere, from the blue

    You decided to join in my life too,

    You crept up from behind and hit me hard,

    I didn’t know my life would be so marred.

    First came the fatigue and then the pain,

    The fog rose up and filled my brain.

    The nights were filled with lack of sleep

    My mind wandered shallow, then into the deep.

    The unfairness of it made me sigh

    And although I tried not to, I cried and cried.

    I asked you often ‘ why did you chose me?’

    But you gave no reason that I can see.

    ‘How are you Lizzie?’ people stopped to say.

    Fine I replied, then walked away.

    When deep inside I wanted to scream

    The pain is strong, the aching mean,

    My body is tired, my mind is too

    Walking through treacle is what I do.

    Its easier to smile and let them go

    Then tell them really what they ought to know.

    The fatigue is creeping back up again

    And just to walk is so full of pain.

    I look alright, I look quite fine

    It hard for friends to know whats in my mind.

    And when I do get the chance to say

    Silence comes and they turn away,

    They try to help but don’t understand

    I cant explain, it's like sinking in sand.

    So don’t get too comfy for I'm going to find

    A way to rid you from my life and my mind.

    So pack your things and be ready to go

    For I am a fighter and I want you to know

    That I will not rest until you are on your way

    And I have my life back, and I have the say.

    You shared my life Fibro and tore it apart.

    Go now I'm telling you, there’s no room in my heart.

    Leave this instance and don’t turn around,

    Whats that you hear, its my feet on the ground

    Running for life with the wind in my hair

    You are now gone and so are my cares.

    So you just keep walking and never come back

    There's no room for you here, there's nothing I lack.

    I’m standing here with my arms open wide

    My old friend, health, and I are about to collide.

  • Very touching, thank you xxx

  • You're more than welcome xx

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