Had enough

I was diagnosed with this awful illness last June although I feel I've had it a lot longer and things are going from bad to worse. I feel I have really deteriorated over the last few weeks. I really can't take any more. Completely broke down last night and cried and cried. I feel such a useless burden to my wonderful husband who works so hard in a very manual job. My daughter is taking me to the drs this morning as I don't feel capable of taking myself.

I regularly get shingles ( last bought was only 3 months ago and now I have it again) I've had a headache for days now and I'm wiped out. Just want to sleep and never wake up

Seriously thinking of coming off pregablin as I'm sure this makes my brain fog worse. I was such a lively person and very house proud, now it's just an effort to get out of bed and get dressed. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself but I can't help it. I hate this and just want it to stop. I have so much in my life at the moment that I should be grateful for. My son who I have been estranged from for two years has come home and I have a wonderful daughter and two beautiful grandchildren as well has my god send of a husband but I'm unable to enjoy any of them. I ask every day what have I done to deserve this? I have always been the carer, the one to get things done now I am nothing, useless and I hate it.

10 Replies

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  • Feel so sorry for you i no how you feel it is horrible having to depend on people when you always looked after everyone else.Im no good with word as ma brain is not working ok hope you get on ok at the docs send my love Bernadette xxx

  • hi i totally understand how you feel, have you spoken to your GP as depression is part of fibro.

    acceptance of the condition is one of the hardest parts, this is who i am now not who i was

    i am sure your family love you dearly and you are never useless, we struggle we can't do some things at the moment but we are here ,

    please go and discuss your meds with your GP , your family would be heartbroken if you weren ' t there

    take care , warm hugs x

  • Very gentle hugs. I am just having a current bout of feeling the same way so I so sympathise with you. I was talking to the psychologist yesterday and she said we have to go through a bereavement of what we have lost but that just because one thing has come to an end, it doesn't mean that our life has become worthless. I am struggling to take that onboard myself , it is hard I know, but you will come through this and here is the place where you'll get all the support and encouragement you need. Just hang in there. We didn't do anything to derve this, it just happens :-( . It's not your fault.

    Hugs

    Jillyxx

  • Glad you are going to the Gps with some support... I totally understand how you feel about taking meds.... I had a long chat with my GP and I just take night meds which don't give me any side effects and just simple painkiller is the day... I am in pain everyday but its bearable.. Along with my three monthly injections... Headaches ... My worst one in a flare lasted 10 weeks... Now I know if I am getting one I get a course of diazepam to try to stop it before it takes hold..

    Don't worry about the housework.... Fibro means your life has to change .... And once you get through the grief and anger and get the right meds life will seem better..

    Have you asked for councelling many of us on here have been for councelling at some point during our fibro years as a lot of us were the capable careers is our homes and it is a big change...

    Good luck at the GPS

    VG x

  • Hi , I to was diagnosed last year and have become alot worse , constant flares , hurt head to toe , I completely understand as we all do , I was very active always on the go and to this , its so good to be able to speak with people who are going through it also , it helps , xxxx

  • Thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me.

    Well my anti depressants have been upped to as high as I can go and I'm going to reduce my Pregabalin (only on a low dose anyway compared to some on here).

    Seems I'm going to have to learn to live with it although he did say I should be on DLA and that he would support me with that. Just don't know if it's worth trying as so many on here have been refused and I don't need the extra stress at the moment.

  • Go for dla I only get low rate care but it helps me greatly you never know unless you apply

    Good luck

    Vg x

  • Hi Glo - go for DLA - you have nothing to lose.

    It doesn't have to be stressful - just remember that you're not being tried before a criminal court, tho' from many people's experiences it does seem that they try to make it feel like that!

    A bit of extra money is always good - you could get some help in the house, for instance. Give it a go, and let us know how you get on :)

    Moffy x

  • I will, thank you.

  • I can understand how you feel, i too have felt like you on more than one occasion, the symptoms and the fact that i have lost all that was me and gained a disability too boot just gets to much for me to bare, depression is a symptom of Fibro and when you think of it its no wonder, I too wish i could do the things i used to, i too wish i could be the vibrant person i was, but i'm not and its taken a long time for me to accept this, i think that i still am trying to come to terms, i just can't envisage suffering this for the rest of my life . but, you know that we find inner strength from deep inside , we find a way to cope and somehow we go forward until the next hurdle. I am quite new to this site but the one thing i have found here is a deep understanding and infinity with everyone i have messaged or replied to, we all are here for the same reason , that alone is some kind of comfort for it gives me the reassurance that i'm not alone. I have found a place where i can unload to others but also share more positive happier moment .

    my thoughts are with you

    gentle hugs, take care of you

    Kira x

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