Really finding it hard after failed IVF

[Benjaminy14]

Sorry I haven't been on here for a few days I'm really struggling with the BFN .it was this time last year we lost our baby and the IVF cycle was what I was working towards I was hoping I'd be pregnant by now , I'm not sure which way to go now my AF is so bad I'm wondering weather I could go through all this again , I'm a stone heavier than I was when I started even the weight is a insult to injury a reminder that even though I'm still boated theirs no baby it all seems like it's all been for nothing , just so sad , to make matters worst my best friend told me at 41 I was being selfish to even want a baby now , to be frank I'm so fed up !

[NDE1987]

Hun I am so sorry you are feeling down, I have been there and it's the worst feeling ever. Your mind constantly wonders what life would be like and if this journey will be a success. My body isn't the same either. It's so bloated and I can't wear dresses as it looks like I am pregnant!! Which is even more insulting! Please don't listen to what your friend said as you are not being selfish at all. My aunty became a mum at the age of 46 last year. She is an amazing mum and no one should tell you what age is right to be a mum. I hope you start to feel a little happier. Remember each day at a time xxx

[Benjaminy14 in reply to NDE1987]

Thank you for your words .it's a rollercoaster of wanting to sort out more IVF to swinging to thoughts of I just can't do this again ,

Many of my friends think I'm crazy but the over riding want/need for a child is so great .

The after effects of the drugs is something they fail to explain about every thing is geared towards success of treatment.

As you know it's hard not to feel like your on the losing team , I'm going to try and cheer up I'm making myself mad with my negative vibe at the moment ,

Thank you again it's so nice to speak to people that understands and don't make me feel like a alien

Big hugs

Nikki

[NDE1987 in reply to Benjaminy14]

You're not alot Hun! I have been there. For the last 3 years of our marriage my husband and I have been to endless hospital appointments and had endless treatment!! It's been nice having time off from it all. We have enjoyed some amazing holidays but the thought of a baby is always in the back of our heads not knowing what the future holds. I keep getting told "your young don't worry" or "it will happen" but no one knows the relaity of how hard ivf and this journey is. I have spent endless weekends just having a black cloud over my head. But I think I am finally at a place now and I think what will be will be. I can't control the future but what I can control are my feelings and happiness. I can be happy if I allow myself to be happy. Life is too short. But please don't allow other women who don't know what you have been through make you upset. You are a strong women! You have been through alot. Always here if you want to talk

Neesha x

[Benjaminy14 in reply to NDE1987]

Bless you Neesha

It's made me feel better just talking about it , your right I know you are , we are having a break from it all over Christmas I've decided I'm not even going to use the opk this month as for the last four years our whole life's have been governed by my cycle , I'm terrified about my age . But one more month isn't going to make a difference .

My poor husband bares the brunt of it all he needs a break to , like you we had wonderful holidays and times away but your right at the back of our minds is always having a baby ,

IVF is a gift as well as a curse

All the pain is so worth it if you get a baby ,

I look forward to a normal life where IVF and TTC isn't the main focus ,

But until then I'm going to try and enjoy the blessing I have ,

Thank you again

Hugs and wishes

Nikki x

[NDE1987 in reply to Benjaminy14]

No worries at all Nikki, it is good to have a break as you allow your mind and body to reset! Maybe go for a massage or a spa day! Self love is very important! Although it doesn't fill the void of what is missing, it will give you happiness!! Enjoy Christmas. We are back on the roller coaster next year as we want to do a FET! Hope 2018 is a fantastic one!! Xxx

[Benjaminy14 in reply to NDE1987]

Really wishing you a fantastic 2018 hope you get your positive this time keep me posted .

Hugs

Nikki x

[tiger-cub]

I know my dear I'm in a similar situation . It seems like I'm left behind in d same level and all my friends have left me behind . Not only that now younger students are passing with flying colours .

But believe me no matter what we do or say there is nothing left for us apart from try and hope. All I can say is to keep going at it . I've not even posted in a while about my current status as every time I pen it . I find it even more stressful. But I keep lurking through this sight for d faith and support they give us. And try to provide d same to others as much as I can . X

[Benjaminy14 in reply to tiger-cub]

All you lady's are so strong and supportive . I'm very new to posting and support on line but it has been a god send ,

I send hope and prayers to you too

I hope one day we all get our dream and until then will keep passing on the kindness

Big hugs

Nikki x

[Poppy16]

Aww really feel for you. Trusting that 2018 is your year. You are certainly not too old AT ALL to try for a baby. I have heard of quite a few girls who became mummies for the first time in their 40s. I am very sorry for your sad loss last year. Losing a precious baby is terrible as I know from experience. (I lost 3) I'm disappointed for you in your failed IVF cycle. Try to enjoy (if you can) the run up to Christmas. Get a few date nights with hubbie and enjoy some couple time and try to take your mind off all the stress, disappointment,grief etc. In the New Year there are promises of new beginnings and new starts. I really hope it will be your year when you become a mum.xo

[Benjaminy14 in reply to Poppy16]

Thank you very much

I think some time off TTC it what hubbie and I both need , your right new year is a new beginning ,

Sending hugs and best wishes

Nikki xx

[lily96]

Hi Benjaminy14. I am sorry to hear that. Please don't lose hope. IVF is a journey. It can take several tries. Don't give up now. I hope you have better luck next time. Good luck!

[jennaworks]

Hello Benjaminy! I am really sorry for your condition. At times such things happen to all of us. I knew you were really excited about your condition. But sadly it was just bloating. Obviously your age is a matter of concern. But you should not lose hope. You can even go for surrogacy as well. If you can bear the expense then go for it. Take care.