I am spiralling again and I don’t really even know what I’m asking on here but I feel like I just need to write something to get it out.
My first FET was just a BFN and I just felt it hadn’t worked straight away and second was a chemical and I had this feeling at the beginning it had worked and then my gut told me no at the end so I have been right with how I’ve felt both times.
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This time, I was SO positive in the beginning. I was so relaxed and had loads of little signs this was the one. I’m an early tester and won’t apologise for that because I’m a control freak and even though seeing negative is horrible it gives me some sort of control over a situation I really don’t have any control over.
I now just don’t know how I feel and am so scared it hasn’t worked.
I don’t know if I’m feeling like this because it hasn’t worked or because I’m trying to protect myself by not believing it - either way I just am so upset already.
tested 3dp and today 4dp, both stark white which I know is fine as v early but I feel I just need some people telling to pull my big girl pants up and hear some positive later BFP stories…
Any advise or positive stories or anything welcome to distract my brain from being insane.
xx
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Day 3/4 is still very early, some people don't get lines till day 9/10. I know you said you like testing early but maybe worth not testing for a couple of days? Might make you feel better.
I know I am mad.. When I did my 3dp test I knew it would be negative, it was almost like a test run for me that I knew would be BFN so it wouldn't upset me as much if that makes any sense at all.. I feel like if I waited until 7 or 8 days then I would be fully expecting a positive so would then absolutely lose the plot. The only BFN I have got during IVF (had one child naturally) turned out to be a chemical and was a day 8 so now I am convinced if I see one that late it will be bad anyway.
I know testing is a very personal thing, I've done 5 transfers and always waited till at least day 9. This last transfer my OTD was day 13 and it felt like an eternity but I made my myself wait as I knew if I saw lots of negatives (which I expected after 4 failed transfers!) it would kill me.
You are 100% right, it is very personal and everyone has different ways of coping and they are all as valid as the other. Whatever gives you even a glimmer of sanity during this period, do it.
I hope you got your BFP on your last transfer. 5 is really tough, I do need to check myself sometimes when I am moaning about being on the 3rd when so many women have SO many more.
3 transfers is still tough. By 5 I had kinda given up on it working as I had never seen a positive test before so I just made myself wait to delay the bad news. I was so shocked when I saw 2 super clear lines on day 13! I'm currently 13 weeks and it still doesn't feel real!
This is such a hard one. I always feel like I'm teetering down a wobbly line of being positive and hopeful, and being negative and protecting myself. Either way the outcome has never been easy to handle.
I would say for me, my gut instinct has often been wrong. I've lead by "symptoms" that were just side affects from the meds, and the one time I felt tiny implantation sensations I completely dismissed them, and it turned out to be positive.
My point is really that you have 50/50 chance of your gut instinct being right - and it doesn't mean that this one hasn't worked. 3/4dp 5dt is early. There are LOADS of stories on here where late positives have been successful. I've had 9 FETs and always been too scared to test early so I wouldn't have a clue when my actual positive test would have shown up. Could have been day 3 / could have been day 9. Each FET / pregnancy is different and you can't really base one on the last experience.
So, you don't have to be super positive now, but you don't have to be negative either. Try and walk the tightrope somewhere in the middle.
Thank you so much for replying, sometimes you just need someone who knows how your feeling to talk to.
That is literally it, I know for a fact no one would think I was a fool if I was extremely confident and it hadn't worked.. but I would feel foolish myself for getting my own hopes up if that makes sense.
The picture they took of the embryo just before was taken at 11:11am and even that I was saying 'It's a sign! That's the angel number!' haha.. but now I am thinking I cannot imagine actually seeing that positive and being pregnant again so maybe it isn't going to work.
My god, I think I have officially lost the plot. Unless you have done an IVF 2WW you cannot even imagine how it feels can you.. absolute torture.
I'm not going to lie, I will most likely test first thing tomorrow morning too and every day up until OTD which is Monday 10th Feb (11dpt).
I 100% understand that feeling of feeling foolish - it's a horrible protection thing but it makes you feel so stupid. We know there is nothing wrong with being positive, but it's very exposing.
Yep the 2ww is so hard - and the wait from a positive test to first scan is equally as terrible! Just so much waiting and hoping but trying not to hope. It's such a head f**c.
I would absolutely keep testing if it helps you - I always buried my head in the sand but that's also hard too because then ALL the pressure rests on test day. I was always hoping for a "sign" that would make me be sure either way, but there isn't one - we literally just have to wait.
Exposing is exactly right, it is like we have been through so much heart ache just cannot bare to expose it again as so vulnerable.
I am normally quite a mentally strong person, but my god this has taken it out of me right from the start.
Yeah I don't think I could leave it all until test day, I really do wish I was that person but I am pretty much diagnosed with being a control freak so it just doesn't work for me.. I am currently sitting in the office trying desperately to focus on work to distract myself but it is not working right now
I don't think anyone who hasn't been through IVF can really understand how hard it is - the constant emotional rollercoaster of fear and the amount you have to go through before you even get the privilege of being in a 2WW....
And so many waits; to see how many eggs you get, to see how many fertilise, to see how many make it to blastocyst, to see if they thaw ok, to see if your lining will be thick enough, to see if you get a positive test, to see if the pregnancy is viable, to see if it continues to grow, to see if you actually end up with a baby.... most people just have sex.
I don't think there is anything wrong with testing early - its the only tiny bit of control we have really - to decide when we find out what is actually going on!
You are so right, every single part is just waiting. And waiting is the one thing I do horribly. I thought the 5 day wait to see if embryos had survived was bad enough (I had severe OHSS at that point too so I really was not well in body or mind lol) and thought it couldn't get worse than that... then roll on the next stage :/
I am not even thinking about the wait for a viability scan yet as I just don't want to jinx myself getting there but I can only imagine that is even worse...
hey there I’m also in my TWw got 2 days left and I can relate I’m going mad too lol 😝 every ache I feel like it hasn’t worked and that af is coming constantly prodding my boobs and if they not super sore I feel like it hasn’t worked..spend most of the day checking in the toilet for any cm changes and none so I’ve convinced myself it hasn’t worked.. but I’m too scared to test..you’re not alone the TWw is mentally a rollercoaster.: sending hugs and I hope it’s good news for everyone xx
Haha we have all lost the plot! That is so exciting you are nearly at the end now, I am assuming you have not tested yet?
Oh don't, when it comes to symptom spotting my logical brain is telling me 'it is far to early to be any pregnancy symptoms so it is the medication' but my crazy brain is saying 'but what if it's implantation..... I have a twinge, I have an ache, bla bla' but really its prob just gas or constipation as progesterone affects me there haha.
Sending you hugs and luck too, will be keeping everything crossed for you xx
Thank you! Its really weird because my clinic have advised test date with blood test and I’ll only be 8dp5dt? I thought that might be too early but they said it’s fine but if I want to do a urine test I have to wait till 11dp5dt.
I haven’t tested.. I am too nervous to see just one line again. I’ve kinda buried my head in the sand and secretly preparing myself to handle bad news. Let’s see how today goes.. boobs are sore and things are generally feeling a bit quiet down there.
The whole “don’t google” went out the window lol! I think I’ve read the same google stories on my last transfers too 😅.
That does seem early compared to others but maybe they will just do another blood test a few days later to check the HCG is doubling or something if it is present?
I think mine is about average as I have a blood test 11dp 5dt, they don't even mention home testing but the nurse did say to me if I do one at home over the weekend it will give me a pretty good idea as to what I can expect the bloods to come back with.
If that is what helps you, then keep doing that! My boobs aren't even sore this time I have just had twinges which are extremely minor and i'm sure mean nothing.
Haha me too i find myself asking the same questions to google each time so finding the same answers! xx
Just to say, I truly don't believe there is such a thing as 'testing too early'. Not in the manner in which it is often said -like you're a naughty child who's had a sneaky peak at a Christmas present or something. Well done for not apologising for it. It's your body, your medical information and your bloody experience. Do what works for you, so long as you keep taking the meds.
Of course, there is testing too early for reliable info, which I'd suggest 4-5 days post 5day FT is. So, I wouldn't think you're out yet! Even FRER wouldn't give you an accurate read yet, nor would an HCG blood test.
Keep taking the meds. Take it all one breath at a time. Other than stopping meds, nothing you do or do not do now will change outcome.
Thank you for that message. I do see so many people get judged and almost told off for saying about when they test, you are completely right - like a naughty kid at Christmas!
Yes I am still taking all my meds religiously, lots of water, eating healthy and no alcohol... but half of me thinks (apart from the meds) does anything even make a difference right now? Like I'm not going to drink alcohol but if I want a slice of cake then F*** it right? Or can it really still affect it?
It upsets me that we are scare-mongered in to this type of worry - we are sitting here, scared to eat a piece of chocolate in case it affects implantation. When there are tonnes of women drinking, smoking, taking drugs and still having babies....
You are so right. Some days I think exactly the same as the above, and then other times I think 'but is it worth it to eat bla bla' as if it didnt work, it probably would have absolutely nothing to do with anything I have done but I would prob still blame myself there?
I think I am going to buy a Lindor chocolate bar at lunch as they are my fave and really enjoy it haha! xx
Thank you for making me not feel as 'crazy' - it keeps me calmer so not going to apologise for it (if anyone thinks I am not calm now they wouldnt like to see me without testing haha).
Have you ever got BFPs? If so, what days did your start showing up? xx
I haven't got any BFP, just watching the trigger second line fading. But this round I just started test today after saw your post, 3 days after a 3day fresh transfer. A happy faint pink second line on both strips, lol. Don't worry too much as I've been shown that worrying wouldn't help either.. xx
Hi. Just keep busy, take all prescribed medication including Folic acid and Vitamin D. Drink lots of water, avoid constipation and test on the day suggested by your clinic. Good luck.Diane
Thank you. Avoiding constipation is hard as the meds block me up (on Cyclogest, Progynova and Lubion)... I am either constipated or the other way, so neither is good I don't think! I am taking all the extra pre-natal vitamins and plenty of water xx
Hi. Bless you, it can’t be easy with bowels that play up. All you can do is to concentrate on a sensible diet with gentle exercise and hope they start to behave. Diane
I was the same with my last transfer, I was so positive until 5 days in....then I was sure it hadn't work. I tested at 6dpt and I got the lightest positive...I am currently nearly 18 weeks pregnant! I would say, wait until 6dpt and test if you are feeling this stress, as you said now is way too early.Wishing you all the best of luck and sending a big cuddle for you xxx
Thank you for your reply, I needed to hear this today. I did again today at 4am as I had a dream I took a test and was positive... and BFN. I am saying to myself though I won't completely lose the plot until its 8dp and still negative. I got a faint bfp last FET on 8dp but it was a chemical. Thank you xx
It is absolutely normal to feel the way you do, especially after both experiences. However, 4dp 5dt is still early, I tested from 3dp 5dt and got a BFP on 6dp 5dt and it was very very faint! So keep positive and keep going. Don’t give up x
I really am hearing more and more that 6dp and 7dp seem to be the most common.. of course there are the early ones and the late ones but the 6 and 7 seem most likely. Thank you very much for replying, everyone is being so kind it is making me want to cry.. stupid meds making me extra emotional!! xx
lol, it’s ok to cry too. I cry even when I stopped the meds 🤣🤣🤣.
Even if you don’t get your BFP by 6dp or 7dp , doesn’t mean you’re out, just keep checking. Remember we’re all different and our body reacts to everything directly!!!! So keep pressing on x
I keep crying about happy things too haha! God it really messes with you doesn't it. Yes I will try to keep remembering that, just wish I was one of those lucky sods that get clear BFPs on basically day 0 haha... okay 4 or 5 but still, feels so unfair its like that added torture the longer it takes (if it takes) xx
Morning TRG, I feel like we may be transfer buddies! Mine was a FET on 30th, my OTD isn't til the 13th but there is absolutely NO way I'm gonna be able to wait that long before testing.
Good on you not beating yourself up for testing, I absolutely can relate and am so keen to test but my partner wants to wait another few days. I've read some of the other comments and found the advice really helpful, a cake or a chocolate bar really won't affect the outcome- and it's the least I think we deserve going though such a tense time!
Sending you a massive squeeze and lots of luck 🤞🫶 x
Yes that was the same as me 30th at 1.30pm. Are you a HPT or blood test on your OTD? Mine is the 10th but it is a blood test which may be why it is slightly earlier?
Thank you, my partner knows I am testing but only because he knows I would be even more neurotic if I didn't test haha. Also, I tell him I am the one who has been prodded, poked, examined, injected and flooded full of meds so if I want to test then that's up to me as it won't change the outcome.
Is this your first FET? Sending you a massive squeeze and luck too xxx
Hey sorry to jump in. I’m also with you. I’m 4dp5dt and tested there now with a FR. BFN, I feel deflated and that I’m completely out 😭 Hope you get better news this morning. This is complete mental torture xx
6dp now and still BFN this morning 😭 really feeling negative now. Had to leave work early yesterday as just got so upset. Mental torture is exactly it.
If I had my transfer at around 2pm though would that have made my test at 5am this morning 5.5dp? Really clutching at straws here.
when people talk about first response is that the one with 6.5 iu? The ones I’ve got are meant to be 6 days early but are 10iu.
I am a complete hypocrite but I really think 4dp is too early, you will always get some that have it but so many factors so you are defo not out with 4dp. Sending you lots of hugs xxxx
Awww i feel you. I’m not sure. My First response are 6 days early but I’m not sure what iu they measure. I was feeling hopeful I’d see a squint of something this morning as I’ve read so many people get positives at 4dp. Big hugs to you 💓 I’m currently lying in bed feeling sorry for myself wishing I had of went back to work now. I took time off in the 2WW to relax my body but I feel like this is stressing me more. Do you get blood work done? What day is that due? Fingers crossed for you, I’ve also read about late implanters and people not get positives till a little later. It’s so hard not to feel discouraged when other people get what we want around this time 😭😭xx
Same here, all I seem to see is people posting about lines at 4dp but then again I do see people getting them between 6-9dp. Anything later than that appears to be the rare people and not common at all (or it means it wont end well) so I definitely will think I am out if nothing showing Friday/Saturday.
It is such a hard toss up whether to take time off or go to work. I am in and out of meetings all day today which is actually proving to be a good thing as it is the only time I haven't thought about it is when I am talking about work haha. On the other hand, maybe I am stressing myself out just travelling into London on the horrible tube!
If you are off then make the most of it, watch some rubbish TV and maybe do whatever house job / organising you have at home that you've been meaning to do for ages but haven't got round to.... every woman has a few of those jobs lol.
Thinking of you and praying you are one of the lucky ones and you get a BFP asap xxx
Yeh I’m trying to keep my mind busy and stay away from Google 🤭 I haven’t even told my partner I’ve been testing because I know he would tell me it’s way too early I just can’t help it tho 🤦♀️ Hoping all goes well for you. Make sure keep us updated. Ill be testing again in the morning which will be 5dp so im praying its a change from today xx
It is soooo hard to stay away from google. I have probably read the same comments over and over again just trying to find something to tell me it has worked... which is mental because nothing online could do that, I just need to wait and find out. Makes me feel like I am doing something in a weird way though? Trying to comfort myself I suppose.
Yes I will do and keep us updated too, really hope you get your BFP.
Yessss I think like this is too.. the amount of times I’ve googled positive after negative at 4dpt & 5dpt and I’m not even at day 5 yet 😭 I’ve a gut feeling I’m out tbh. I feel like my period wants to come. Not cramps but that heavy feeling ya get before ya come on. 🥹🥺 This journey is so hard. Do you have any frozen embryos? X
It is like speaking to myself lol. Amount of times I've searched positive BFP after BFN 5DP etc. etc. I am doing day 7 and I'm not there yet just to protect myself if I see BFN tomorrow too. God it is mental.
I have had a bit of back ache and twinges but nothing that isn't just caused by the meds and I think half of these twinges I wouldn't normally even take notice of usually it is just because I am looking out for everything.
I have 2 more left in the freezer. I had 6 in total, 1st one single and BFN, 2nd one single and CP and this one I though f*** it and put 2 in.
How many transfers have you had? Have you got anymore in the freezer?
I’m glad I’m not the only crazy person 🤣 IVe also been over analysing every cramp and twinge 😅 I know there is nothing that’s gonna give me any answers other than patience and test day 🤞
We had only 4 eggs retrieved. 3 fertilised & 2 made it to day 5 blasts. This is my very first fresh transfer with a 3AB and we have a 3BB in the freezer, hate the thought of doing all this again too!
I keep telling myself we still have a frozen and maybe this just isn’t our time 😭 I’m hoping you get that positive soon, when you planning on testing again? Xx
Haha you are not! Sends our minds into absolute overdrive.
Well, as they say - it only takes 1! I know 3 others who have been at my clinic, one of them it was 1st time, the other 2nd time and the other 3rd time... so there really is no rhyme or reason, it just is what it is.
My mind is already going to the place where this and the next transfer fails and I have to do the whole egg retrieval again... and I was SO ill with OHSS I just cannot bare to do that again
I will test again in the morning, if nothing there then I will prob hold onto a teeny bit of hope until Friday morning... if that is negative then I just know
How you doing this morning? I spent all day yesterday so upset. Did a internet cheapy and got a false positive 🥹 and 2 negative FR 😭 I’m not even testing this morning xx
🥺🥺 false positives are just the cruelest thing, I am sorry you got that.
Still BFN at 6.5/7dp this morning but I’ve woken up with brown in my knickers.. sorry TMI. I’ve never had implantation bleeding before on the other cycles but I’ve read stuff saying it’s either red or brown and happens around 7 days post transfer so I’m just praying I’m still in with a shot.
Spoke to my clinic yesterday also and they told me to get off forums and stop believing tests at 4dp being the norm as it absolutely isn’t. She said the OTD is there for a reason and if they could give me a definitive answer before then they would, they don’t keep us in this limbo for fun.. this is all stuff I kind of knew but I just needed to hear again.
Trying to be more hopeful today but also conscious of getting too much hope up. God this is so mentally draining.
Ohhhh I hope this is IB for you. Brown blood is good. Means it’s old blood!! Your clinic is right but we both no that 🤣 doesn’t stop us hoping and wishing lol.. praying this is it for you. I’ve tryed to upload the FP tests I done but it won’t seem to let me xx
So I know I said I wouldn’t test again today… I caved. I think I have a faint pos on a FRER .. I’ve compared it with yesterday’s negative and there’s deffo something there 🤞🤞
Yes there is!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 oh I so hope it continues to get dark and you get your little miracle. Whispering congratulations now and hopefully I can shout it soon 🥰 xx
Yes let me know how you get on today, don't panic too much if hasnt got massively darker as it may take a few days and just keep onto the hope you have that line!
I possibly have a vvvvvfl last night at 7dp but could be an evap tbh it isn't clear. Trying to stay positive as even though there are so many people on here get lines sooner, a lot what I read online says after implantation bleeding wait 3-5 days to test at home which would tie in with my OTD so maybe I am still in with a chance.. here's hoping anyway xx
I haven’t tested today yet however I did test with a different brand last night and still got a faint positive 🤞🤞 ordered some more tests off Amazon too lol. I’ve got a serious POAS addiction… ohhh I’m hoping this is it and you just had a wee late implanter… how’s the blood has it stopped now? My Original test day is the 12th so I’m hoping I have a proper proper line by then xx
Aww just remember you’re still not out yet.. when’s your OTD? They don’t do beta at my clinic. Just HPT, they also stop progesterone on the test day as well with a fresh transfer as they say my body should be making enough. I’m a little worried about that as everything I read everyone takes it for at least 8weeks xx
8.5/9dp this morning and still BFN. Beta is on Monday so only 2 more days (11dp) to go. Feel like cracking out the wine already and stopping meds but will never do that until I get absolute confirmation of course. Holding onto a slither of hope xx
Aww I’m soo sorry, mine was Infact a positive and confirmed by a clear blue digital. You have frozen embryos don’t you? Will you try again next cycle xx
I had 6 in total, and have 2 left so going to put both back in for another round next cycle I think but will be having a follow up with my doctor next week regardless.
Yes first round of ICSI with only 2 embryos making it to blast so we do still have a frozen 💓🤞 I know I’m 1 of the lucky ones having it work first time however I’m so nervous at every cramp and twinge that something bad gonna happen. How long do you have to wait before you can go again? Xx
Thank you. I got my first vvvfp on 5dpt and it has gotten darker since then, taken a clear blue digital yesterday at 9dpt and it says pregnant 2-3weeks xx
I feel you. I woudl stop test as it's way to early. Plan things so you are busy doing something else. I am also in the TWW and I did the following: cinema, electric darts, walk in nature, coffee with friends, decluttering wardrobe, online shopping, watchin silly tv shows, reading a good book, cooking, you get the idea. Time will pass and you can soon take a test when the results will be meaninful. Best wishes dear x
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I am mad.. When I did my 3dp test I knew it would be negative, it was almost like a test run for me that I knew would be BFN so it wouldn't upset me as much if that makes any sense at all.. I feel like if I waited until 7 or 8 days then I would be fully expecting a positive so would then absolutely lose the plot. The only BFN I have got during IVF (had one child naturally) turned out to be a chemical and was a day 8 so now I am convinced if I see one that late it will be bad anyway.
Going nuts waiting to test!! 
10dp2dt and still BFN
BFN again - what do you think helps with implantation? 
BFN 4DP5DT (silly I know)
