BFN but expecting it 🙁

[Jmaw]

I just want this ordeal to be over. Need to get on with my life and move on. This has been the worst 4 years of my life. Time wasted I feel grieving, when in fact, I should have been enjoying my son.

He knows something is wrong every time I loose an embryo (this time 2). Dad has to take him to nursery and he’s starting school in September. He needs his mum right now. I’ve no more eggs left to implant, which were from a donor because I’m pre-menopausal.

Not even started to bleed yet, it’s absolutely torture and don’t know how some of you ladies do it time and time again. 3 times is enough for me I’m throwing the towel in can’t afford it and physically I’m done.

Just waiting for the nurse to ring me back some time this morning to tell me what to do next. Obviously, will have to make an appointment with my private consultant to get advice on what to do next. But unless he has a miracle donated embryo to give me for free, I don’t know what else he can do.

We are both going to an adoption information evening in a few weeks time. So hopefully another door will open for us with a sibling for our son very soon. I know what’s it’s like to carry 2 babies to full term naturally, give birth and care for them. That wish has been granted,which I’m eternally grateful for. I have been so so lucky to have had those experiences.

I don’t however, feel my family is completed yet. There are plenty of children wanting loving homes and we have so much to give. I have worked as a highly qualified nursery practitioner for 20 years and have so much child care knowledge, just bursting to share with a child in so much need of it. So let this ordeal be over soon so I can get on with building my family xxx

[jengi]

Sending you the biggest hug wrapped with a big layer of positive vibes. You have been incredibly strong, you are amazing! Never forget that. This journey may not be ending the way you dreamed but it is taking a different route for a reason. Something special awaits you at the end. I wish you all the luck in the world Xx

[Jmaw in reply to jengi]

Thanks so much for your reply it means a lot. It’s hard but I will get through it there’s so much out there. You’ve just got to think outside the box. Thanks Jengi xxx

[Smang]

I’m so sorry Jmaw, sending you big hugs xxx

[Jmaw in reply to Smang]

Thanks hug back xxx

[KDA0510]

Sorry to hear this Jmaw. Sending you strength in this time xx

[Jmaw in reply to KDA0510]

Thanks honey xxx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry that your result was negative. You sound like you’re an incredibly strong person though and would be such a wonderful mummy to an adopted child. I wish you all the very best with your next steps, whatever they may be. Take care of yourself. X

[Jmaw in reply to Hidden]

Thanks MrsB76 thanks for your support. I just can’t wait to leap forward into the next chapter in my life. Just need to get this loss out of the way and recover physically and mentally. I’ll need a few weeks for that. Enough time before our information evening. I hope the future holds happiness for you too lovely xxx

[Flimzee]

I am so sorry to hear this. It’s a big decision to move on, but one that also offers hope and promise of a new start.

I can totally relate to how you feel about missing out on your son, as I felt like that with my daughter. He knows you love him though and it will all be ok.

I am sure that, as you say, some time will help you to recover from what has happened and I wish you all the luck with the adoption process.

Sending love xxx

[Jmaw in reply to Flimzee]

Thanks honey so much for your support, kind words and wishes of good luck it means a lot xxx

[Hidden]

I don't know what to say but relax urself and hope for d best. I see u are very strong woman! So women as strong as u never give up stay positive.

[Jmaw in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Abies, I’m just trying to get through this loss the best I can and enjoy my son. We had a street party for Royal Wedding and a BBQ yesterday, so staying as normal as possible. Life goes on as they say. It will happen for us soon I’m sure. The only true GUARANTEE is adoption really so I know all is not lost. Thanks honey for your support xxx

[ClarabGlasgow]

Sorry to read this. I also have a 4 year old who I love dearly and long to go give a sibling to. My big worry is that I miss precious time with her being so consumed by this. Know what you mean about completing the family , we have so much more love to give ! Let me know how the adoption info evening goes, I am not sure I’m ready to pursue that path yet but my husband is all in xx

[Jmaw in reply to ClarabGlasgow]

It’s awful isn’t it. People say to me “just be grateful for what you have” and can’t understand why I want to put myself through it. I’ve brought up an only child before, and she’s 29 now. Even though I come from a huge family she said she was quite lonely growing up and wished for a sibling. She saw how I was with my sisters and brothers and wanted the same. That’s why I’m determined to give that gift to my son.

I definitely will let you know honey. I know quite a lot about adoption as I recently found out I have a sister who mum had to give birth to and give away. Long ago when women were put in shame for not being married. We met her a few weeks ago and she said she’s had a wonderful life! My cousin is adopted too. She said although she needed to find out where she came from and meet her birth mother and siblings, it’s the people that bring you up who are your true parents. My sister we found refers to our mother as ‘Anne’ and adoptive mam as ‘my mother’. But calls me her sister as she was an only child.

I hope the stolk visits you with a surprise very soon. If not you know there is a child out there that will match you and your family. Good luck. I’ll keep you posted xxx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear the insensitive comments of others. My mum who gets upset by my situation says the similar I should give up trying and “enjoy “ my life more! People don’t get it. Do what you have to do. It’s not their business xoxo

[Jmaw in reply to Hidden]

Thanks jess, I’m going to see my consultant on 2nd June and unless he has a donated embryo, free of charge I’m done I guess. But I will thank him for all his help. It’s not the end. Roll on 12th June when we go to our adoption information evening. Good luck lady in your journey too ❤️