Hi there, I don't really have a question here but more looking for people that can understand and share a thought and general positive vibes. I've been TTC for 19 months now (who's counting...) recently started IVF and concluded a cycle. Had to have surgery to my uterus because of complete septum, I may need to repeat this procedure but I won't know for another 3 months. In the meantime we planned another round of IVF to freeze more embryos since it seems it will take sometimes before we can start trying to transfer one. I just feel so alone in this. My husband is great but I am more surprised by how much useless my friends are. I love them but they just don't get it. I also feel invisible in that people seem uncomfortable asking me questions about our journey. Also, triggers everywhere, pregnancy seems to be something attainable by everyone but me. I used to be a very positive person and I don't know how to regain joy in little things...I want to be able to enjoy life but I just cannot at the moment. So angry! I wonder if anyone is feeling at times like this and how do you cope to be the person you used to be?
Fertility journey fatigue: Hi there, I... - Fertility Network UK
Fertility journey fatigue
I feel exactly the same as you 😔 it’s a very hard place to be. Sorry I don’t have any advice but you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way whilst going through this. Sending love ❤️ xx
Realising I'm not alone helps, thank you. I'm sorry you're also in this place. It's kinda rollercoaster, at times it feels crappy and other times I have more strength. I hope the ups will be more than the downs for us, sending love you too xxx we're strong 💜
Similar feelings. Also been TTC for 18 months. It’s so cruel and unfair.
Also have found friends not overly helpful as well - either won’t ask. Or ask and make just not helpful remarks. I’ve kinda concluded no one has a “right” response and have limited talking with friends about my fertility journey.
Remember what you have done / are doing is amazing and you are so strong for it. It’s ok to feel many different emotions. I’ve found keeping so busy helpful, limiting social media and putting in other life distractions - holidays, other hobbies, no talking about fertility or babies with my partner.
Thank you for reminding me! 💕 It's frustrating about friends not helpful, I naively thought it would be different but I guess we're all blind to others challenges until we faced them ourselves? I'm sure I've been oblivious of other struggles they maybe going through when they do have babies for examples..I need to remember that too!
Yeah I didn’t have any clue until I experienced infertility and then reached out to some friends who had struggled with infertility (since have had a baby) and basically apologised of how naive I was and probably not supportive of them (not intentionally).
But I don’t think anyone can know or support you if they haven’t had the “lived experience.” I don’t think friends or family mean it and whatever support shown (helpful or unhelpful) comes from good place, just often delivered wrong. But when we are in the midst of dealing with probably the hardest time in our lives, it’s hard to see this.
It’s really unfair, really cruel and really consuming. But you’ve got this ❤️❤️
I have no advice sorry. But just wanted to say you are not alone, I feel the same as you and I'm sure many people on here do too. Sending love and positivity your way💗
Thank you 💖 I hope the ups will be more than downs for you too xx
Hi ,reading your post made me feel better and less alone so thank you for sharing. Also TTC for 20 months and recently finished our first cycle. I'm really surprised by how most friends don't know what to say or even ask how it's going... It is sad that we feel we have to speak about it less than we would have wanted to but it's good we have this forum to be there for eachother 💗 I understand about not being able to enjoy life, I feel in limbo. If you can, definitely plan some fun things that you used to enjoy or a short break away so you can rest and get away from the day to day. Hope you feel better soon xx
Thanks for sharing and yes to keeping busy! Ironically I'm on holiday right now but it's a weird one where I get to see same people year after year so cannot help comparing milestones when we meet. It's rubbish but I'll try to focus on all the other many things I've achieved!
Oh gosh that must be tough, I'm sorry. Try and remember that just because your path looks different to their's doesn't mean it won't be just as good if not better when you get to where you want to be. That's what I try and think! Xx
That's such a nice thought! You're totally right, I'll keep this in mind! Thank you 
Hi Swimming87, I can totally relate. Our trying to conceive journey has lasted 6 years and included 3 surgeries, 3 early miscarriages and 6 embryo transfers. It has really affected my mental health. I started weekly counselling sessions about 18 months ago and it has really helped. I don’t think I will ever be fully the same again afterwards, but I have found joy and contentment again. It is such a tough journey and I don’t think anyone really understands, unless they have been through it.
That's such a long time, I really admire your determination and strength especially when you seeked support, I also started therapy few months ago and was planning on ending the sessions but I think I'll keep them going for a while..I never know if I'm ok to stop them as sometimes it feels I can cope and other times I can't do it on my own..
Thank you. I just couldn’t bring myself to stop, I wasn’t ready to. The counselling definitely isn’t a quick fix but it has helped enormously.
Your post really resonates with me! The triggers are impossible to avoid and seem to be everywhere! I never noticed before ttc. I’m really struggling to stay positive and hopeful as this journey seems never ending with more downs than ups. For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing banking embryos x
Thank you Mamacha, yes banking frostiest is the only thing that gives me some sort of control!
Yep, I felt exactly the same. I promise you will feel more like yourself again and feel joy in things again. I understand what you mean about friends. I only confided in my best friend because it is very difficult to understand IVF challenges unless you have yourself gone through them. Before starting IVF , I had absolutely no idea how tough it was.
I felt angry too and extremely frustrated and my partner was hopeless. Just try and protect yourself while you navigate this. I shielded myself from pregnancy trigger situations and very much hid away while I got through this. But I promise, there is light at the other side, be kind to yourself while you get through this time. I’m glad your husband is a good support, you’ll get through this together xx
Thank you 💜 I'll focus on the light at the end of the tunnel!
Hi! Just wanted to say you're not alone. We've been trying for over 2 and a half years and have been on the waiting list for almost 15 months and waiting for an initial appointment! Everything just feels so against us and I understand what you mean by pregnancy triggers. It's horrible! I've just found trying to keep busy and allowing myself to feel upset when I'm having a bad day. It's such a difficult place to navigate. There is so much support on here, so reach out to people who understand 💕 I hope you're ok, sending you lots of strength! This journey sucks, but we are all here for you along the way xxx
This is so sweet thank you! So true about accepting the fact that sometimes we're just having a bad day and it's ok to feel sad! I hope you know too you're not alone, sending you much love and positivity xx
Hi Swimming,
We're 3 years in and yes, feel like this lots.
The best thing, I think, is just to be kind to yourself and accept that you are a) not always going to be feeling fantastic emotionally and b) that infertility changes you, just like many life experiences. So, it's not possible to be the same person you were, but that doesn't mean you won't feel happy or whole again, or that these changes are negative. I think many people end up a lot more compassionate as a result of the journey, but I think it's really unrealistic to expect that of yourself in the thick of it.
I think society tells women (not always explicitly) that we should be 'nice' and kind' and that emotions (often branded as 'negative' ones) such as anger, hurt, sadness or resentment are not for us or are certainly not attractive ones to have or show. I think 'F**k that!'. You're a human and do not have to control how you feel (so long as you're not actually killing people!). You're allowed to feel sad, it *IS* sad. You're allowed to feel resentful, it *IS* unfair. Etc
That said, I also don't thin it's helpful (for me, at least) to remain stuck in those emotions (and by 'stuck' , I mean months and months of predominantly feeling that way, not days or weeks).
So, 3 things I find helpful are:
1) Connection
2) Creation
3) Movement
Connection - I think, as you say, this can be so, so isolating. So finding safe and non-demanding ways to connect with people who don't p*ss you off really helps. It doesn't have to be (and sometimes is really helpful if it isn't!) about fertility. IT could just be being silly with people, it could be going to see something at the cinema, replying to a forum post, having a call with family members. Anything that feels safe and reminds you you're not alone in the world, even if this experience is lonely, and that there is more in your life than just fertility and aloneness.
Creation -Ok, I'm not a spiritual person or even a little bit woowoo, but I do think that we work best, psychologically, when our emotions and desires can flow through us. I think it all goes a bit wrong inside when they get stuck. I think, at root, the desire to have a baby and a family, is a desire to create (for me, at least, and probably a bit to connect...). So, I find it helpful if I can find other ways to do this that bring me joy. I'm not artistic, I can't dance etc but I do really love cooking and I really love gardening (Reader, I have a long, thin balcony in central London, so I like buying things and putting them in larger pots until they die and then I restart the cycle). These things help me get the stuck creativity out and feel a bit better. When it all goes to sh*t I colour in, with some music or an audiobook on. Just something to 'unstick' that desire to make something.
Movement -I feel like I literally hate exercise, even though I feel better for doing it. When I'm really, really, really stuck I go for a walk. I recommend taking routes far, far away from children (surrounded by 4 schools and 3 nurseries within 4mins walk of my house, this often means going at odd times. I can usually manage a walk, if not anything else. If I can't face leaving the house, a yoga video on Youtube helps (I like Yoga with Adriene and Bettina Rae, although she can be a bit 'love the baby in your tummy and send good hopeful thoughts', so I have to be in the right place for it). I'll run if/when I can. If things are really bad, just move into a different room for a few minutes. When nothing else is changing or going in the direction you want, just physically moving your body to a different location can help as, again, it reminds you you're less stuck than you feel.
With all the 'healthy' above, I would also say that crappy TV can help (I like The Dog House on Channel 4 -like First Dates but for dogs...). I also have benefitted from counselling. And also letting myself off when I get it wrong (have shouted at people in public, felt bad, then didn't any more because they were, in fairness, being obnoxious. But, basically, tried to move myself way from wanting to do this all the time!).
I know this is long, but I do hope it helps. You're not alone. You will be a whole, full person again. It's OK to feel like life sucks when it does, you'd be insane to be constantly cheerful through it all.
GranolaHippo thank you! For taking the time to articulate all these things that are helping you. I am particularly touched by the "Creation" bit and the concept of stuck emotions that make us feel this way at times. I paint but have stopped for a while now, I will definitely give it a go as soothing strategy. It's so hard to remember the things that made us feel good and I stupidly thought nothing can replace the feeling of happiness I'm craving at the moment (aka that comes from creating a family). But I guess there is no use in getting stuck into a longing that cannot be satisfied in the short term. I will put into practice your advices! Thank you again for taking the time to share the things you've learned along the way. I hope these are helping you too.💞 Keywords from now on: Flow & Create
I think this links back to your original question -how can I feel like myself again?
I also think it links to the aloneness of the experience.
People, ourselves included, don't realise how much of ourselves -our interests, hobbies, taste preferences (wiiine, coffeeeee, my delicious friends!), exercise etc is being sacrificed on the altar of infertility. I think people don't see it and it happens so gradually that we don't always feel it.
I think it's important to stop and take stock every so often and see if we've let things go that we don't have to, or that we can now pick back up.
You may not be the 'same' but that doesn't mean you also have lose all of you.
Whatever our outcomes, we'll still need and want those bits of us, so I think it's good to pick them back up or, at least, assess whether they currently still need to be laid down.
Don't beat yourself up on the Stuck & Suck days either
Thanks you so so much I honestly didn't expect to get so many helpful and kind insights from people online. Just know you've had a huge impact on my outlook today and for the days ahead 🙏🏻 I'm very grateful
Sorry to hear you're feeling like this - I've certainly been there! IVF is often a long, lonely road. I started trying for a baby in May 2020 and, after multiple failed transfers and a chemical pregnancy, I'm now 33 weeks pregnant. You CAN get there.
My advice, from experience, is be careful who you open up to. Some people can be really insensitive. When you encounter a person like that, ask yourself whether it's due to ignorance, uncomfortability (some people can say/do some some silly things when they feel uncomfortable - a bit like word vomit), or whether they are intentionally being hurtful (if this one is the case you may want to think about distancing yourself from them for awhile, if not permanently). While so many women go through fertility struggles it's rarely talked about, so there is a general lack of education around it. I found it helpful to share with my work colleagues and family a YouTube video explaining what IVF entails, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. This was really helpful for them and they thanked me for it. I think it helped them understand the process a bit more.
Another bit of advice is to log off from social media. You only see the best of people's lives on social media and you really don't want to expose yourself to baby announcements and family pics when you're having a bad day. So make sure, when you're feeling down, you stay away from any unnecessary triggers by logging off.
I became angry at my body and partner at times on my fertility journey. What helped me was setting myself challenges - I ran a marathon for charity. We also made time for date nights. This helped me reconnect with my body and husband. It helped to remind me that my body is amazing and isn't just for making babies, and that I had a wonderful relationship despite everything we were going through.
This might sound cheesy but, while I wouldn't wish fertility struggles on anyone, it has made me a stronger person. I look back now and can't believe how resilient I was. It's no small feat. It's also brought me closer to my partner - we went through one of the toughest things you can go to together and somehow made it out the other side (a bit battered, mind you). It's also made me a nicer and more empathetic person. I think I would've probably been like your friends who don't 'get it' before 2020, but I'm now part of a community of extremely strong women and I feel their pain and joy because I've been there too.
Hope this helps and sending you lots of luck on your journey x
CyclingAddict this does help thank you for contributing to this conversation! Congratulations on your pregnancy 💓it gives me hope sooner or later we'll also get there. I completely agree on the issue of being careful who I opened up to! I've learned the hard way 😉 for sometime I went through a phase where I wanted to share this with EVERYONE, believing it was my call to spread the word and make people aware of fertility issues. I was quite upset when I was met with lack of interest, fear, wanting to change topic, by most women. Because they were not going through the same things then obviously they were and maybe wanted to remain oblivious. It took me sometime and a lot of frustrating conversations to realise it was not my place to run any sort of fertility campaign 😂 so now I share with only very selected people in my life and actually mostly don't talk about it at all if not with my partner. It took us a long time to open up..over a year..and then selectively "close up" to protect ourselves. It's a balance. But we're mostly in a good place right now, and yes as you said this journey makes us stronger than I'd ever imagine I could become. 🙏🏻
And congratulations on your marathon!! I can only manage 5k these days so you're amazing 🤩
My journey so far...
IVF journey starting 
Newbie... Endo, high NK cells, IVF, chemical pregnancies...
Beginning our journey . . .
The journey begins...maybe?!
