Fertility journey fatigue

[Swimming87]

Hi there, I don't really have a question here but more looking for people that can understand and share a thought and general positive vibes. I've been TTC for 19 months now (who's counting...) recently started IVF and concluded a cycle. Had to have surgery to my uterus because of complete septum, I may need to repeat this procedure but I won't know for another 3 months. In the meantime we planned another round of IVF to freeze more embryos since it seems it will take sometimes before we can start trying to transfer one. I just feel so alone in this. My husband is great but I am more surprised by how much useless my friends are. I love them but they just don't get it. I also feel invisible in that people seem uncomfortable asking me questions about our journey. Also, triggers everywhere, pregnancy seems to be something attainable by everyone but me. I used to be a very positive person and I don't know how to regain joy in little things...I want to be able to enjoy life but I just cannot at the moment. So angry! I wonder if anyone is feeling at times like this and how do you cope to be the person you used to be?

[Prettypenny1]

I feel exactly the same as you 😔 it’s a very hard place to be. Sorry I don’t have any advice but you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way whilst going through this. Sending love ❤️ xx

[Swimming87 in reply to Prettypenny1]

Realising I'm not alone helps, thank you. I'm sorry you're also in this place. It's kinda rollercoaster, at times it feels crappy and other times I have more strength. I hope the ups will be more than the downs for us, sending love you too xxx we're strong 💜

[Melsunshine]

Similar feelings. Also been TTC for 18 months. It’s so cruel and unfair.

Also have found friends not overly helpful as well - either won’t ask. Or ask and make just not helpful remarks. I’ve kinda concluded no one has a “right” response and have limited talking with friends about my fertility journey.

Remember what you have done / are doing is amazing and you are so strong for it. It’s ok to feel many different emotions. I’ve found keeping so busy helpful, limiting social media and putting in other life distractions - holidays, other hobbies, no talking about fertility or babies with my partner.

[Swimming87 in reply to Melsunshine]

Thank you for reminding me! 💕 It's frustrating about friends not helpful, I naively thought it would be different but I guess we're all blind to others challenges until we faced them ourselves? I'm sure I've been oblivious of other struggles they maybe going through when they do have babies for examples..I need to remember that too!

[Melsunshine in reply to Swimming87]

Yeah I didn’t have any clue until I experienced infertility and then reached out to some friends who had struggled with infertility (since have had a baby) and basically apologised of how naive I was and probably not supportive of them (not intentionally).

But I don’t think anyone can know or support you if they haven’t had the “lived experience.” I don’t think friends or family mean it and whatever support shown (helpful or unhelpful) comes from good place, just often delivered wrong. But when we are in the midst of dealing with probably the hardest time in our lives, it’s hard to see this.

It’s really unfair, really cruel and really consuming. But you’ve got this ❤️❤️

[Zola20]

I have no advice sorry. But just wanted to say you are not alone, I feel the same as you and I'm sure many people on here do too. Sending love and positivity your way💗

[Swimming87 in reply to Zola20]

Thank you 💖 I hope the ups will be more than downs for you too xx

[BlueEyedTabby]

Hi ,reading your post made me feel better and less alone so thank you for sharing. Also TTC for 20 months and recently finished our first cycle. I'm really surprised by how most friends don't know what to say or even ask how it's going... It is sad that we feel we have to speak about it less than we would have wanted to but it's good we have this forum to be there for eachother 💗 I understand about not being able to enjoy life, I feel in limbo. If you can, definitely plan some fun things that you used to enjoy or a short break away so you can rest and get away from the day to day. Hope you feel better soon xx

[Swimming87 in reply to BlueEyedTabby]

Thanks for sharing and yes to keeping busy! Ironically I'm on holiday right now but it's a weird one where I get to see same people year after year so cannot help comparing milestones when we meet. It's rubbish but I'll try to focus on all the other many things I've achieved!

[BlueEyedTabby in reply to Swimming87]

Oh gosh that must be tough, I'm sorry. Try and remember that just because your path looks different to their's doesn't mean it won't be just as good if not better when you get to where you want to be. That's what I try and think! Xx

[Swimming87 in reply to BlueEyedTabby]

That's such a nice thought! You're totally right, I'll keep this in mind! Thank you

[Batsford]

Hi Swimming87, I can totally relate. Our trying to conceive journey has lasted 6 years and included 3 surgeries, 3 early miscarriages and 6 embryo transfers. It has really affected my mental health. I started weekly counselling sessions about 18 months ago and it has really helped. I don’t think I will ever be fully the same again afterwards, but I have found joy and contentment again. It is such a tough journey and I don’t think anyone really understands, unless they have been through it.

[Swimming87 in reply to Batsford]

That's such a long time, I really admire your determination and strength especially when you seeked support, I also started therapy few months ago and was planning on ending the sessions but I think I'll keep them going for a while..I never know if I'm ok to stop them as sometimes it feels I can cope and other times I can't do it on my own..

[Memacha]

Your post really resonates with me! The triggers are impossible to avoid and seem to be everywhere! I never noticed before ttc. I’m really struggling to stay positive and hopeful as this journey seems never ending with more downs than ups. For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing banking embryos x

[Swimming87]

Thank you Mamacha, yes banking frostiest is the only thing that gives me some sort of control!