It's actually more sweet than bitter of course, I'm just feeling emotional about it. Today my hubby and I have been together for 22 years! (Since our first lovely date ❤️) we are so so lucky to have one another and he's really a gem, I guess I'm just feeling a bit wobbly about it because we really thought we'd be a family of three (or more) by now. As the years went by and we thought about our future, like many of you we never imagined infertility, numerous rounds of IVF, heartache, tears, sadness at others pregnancy announcements etc etc etc.
I really hope I'm not upsetting anyone with this post, I really do realise how lucky I am and how having each other is a huge life blessing in itself, we just wish we'd added to our lives and love with our own little bundle by now. So many people we know have two or three children in the time (or less) that we've been together, it's not a race of competition of course, I'm just scared that it will never happen for us 😢
Sorry if this seems so negative, the ability to have lasted this long is amazing of course, it's just that each anniversary or milestone brings with it an aching for where we hoped we'd be and this journey has took its toll on us in some ways..it's made us stronger but I'm probably not the carefree, happy go lucky person I once was and I feel guilty about that as my hubby somehow manages to remain positive!
Thanks for listening, I hope someone understands and I don't just come across as a moaning ungrateful negative nelly! Xx
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Georgina78
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Hi Georgina, it's good to let off some steam every now and then and I'm sure there's many of us on here who does understand. I've been with my OH for 6 years so no where near what you guys have and I feel bad everyday that I can't give my OH the family he's always wanted, like your OH he remains positive and is constantly showing me how much he loves me. We all have our wobbles and it's to be expected, you shouldn't feel bad about it, somehow we all manage to keep fighting. X
Thank you beauty, I'm actually better as the days gone on and thinking of how lucky we are and all the wonderful times we've had as well as the tough. Looking forward to a lovely dinner this evening (cooked by him!) and a naughty glass of proseco (shouldn't but it is a special day!) xx
Let it all out, re focus and carry on my lovely...no need to apologise for that at all.
And also CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
What an amazing number of years you've had to create so many great memories
Yes you may still be holding out for a little addition, but you have what many people aren't lucky enough to have...keep that positive thought whenever you feel sad and it'll hopefully be some comfort to help you through the harder times until you get there xx
Thank you lucky, you're so right and as the days gone on I have give my head a little wobble and have focused my mind on how lucky I am and how many amazing memories we've had. Thanks for your support xx
I understand how you feel and its so disheartening watching others move on and have children etc but don't worry as your time will come, and will feel extra special as you waited and longed for it.
Thanks so much button, so glad others understand, I was so worried it's looks really ungrateful. It's just like you say, it sometimes feels like everyone is passing us by, especially when they're younger and haven't been together that long but as the days gone on a have shifted my focus onto how lucky we are and all the great memories (there's been plenty of them, I just want that 'me' back!!)
Just got to keep thinking 'our day will come'..my hubby does, we're so different in that way yet it somehow works!!
Congratulations! 22 years is amazing! You must be a very strong couple. Don't feel guilty for having these feelings. It is our 3rd wedding anniversary in July and I am already dreading it in some respects as I think it will just remind me of how long we have been trying and that we are not where we had hoped to be. Silly really as I should be relishing the fact that we can enjoy a lovely romantic evening just the two of us. But hard not to have those thoughts. Don't judge yourself for having them! Enjoy your special day and take strength in what a wonderful relationship you have, and that you have not allowed the shitty strain and stress of fertility problems to get in the way of your love for each other xx
Thanks so much Shelly, I really appreciate your reply & kind words. We are strong and as well as infertility we've been through lots of other crappy stuff and we're so lucky to have that.
It's nice to hear it's normal and I will try not to judge myself too harshly, I've been better as the days progressed and focused on the positives and tonight we're having a lovely dinner & naughty glass of proseco to toast all those years! I hope your anniversary doesn't bring sadness xx
Wow 22 years is amazing..congratulations. I hope your meal is fab and you enjoy a cheeky prose co or two. This journey doesn't half sometimes rob the joy out of special moments. I feel happy at our anniversarys too of course I do but I too feel a tinge of sadness as it is a reminder of another year on and still no pregnancy and another year older which I am more and more aware of. My hubby is so positive too all the time and I then start in my darkest hours to question why he is still with me and then swiftly kick myself and feel so so grateful to have him in my life. No one can understand these emotions but us who go through it sadly so share away as we all understand. Xxxxx
Thanks for your reply and the understanding vic, I have also done the same in questioning why he stays with me when he could have a baby with someone else (like you say, just in my darkest hours) as the problem is with me but for him it seems to be a no brainier, he says as long as he has me he'll be happy. I'm really very lucky. I'm also very aware of the age issue (I'm 39) and 22 years together has made me go wow I'm running out of time! 😕
We had a lovely evening though thanks, it is so important to try not to let this journey overshadow special moments, although it can be easier said than done. I read on here last week that a relative of one of the ladies had IVF and as she looked back she felt she'd really lost that time of her life, I don't want to do that but it's so all consuming isn't it. I struggle to find the balance. Thanks for your support xx
Happy anniversary. Your relationship must be so strong so try to find comfort in that. Like you, as the years tick by (we're on 13) it saddens me that we've not been able to share our love with a child. I think it's very common to feel how we do. Feel the way you feel until you don't feel that way anymore. My mum told me this when I was a little girl and I've always remembered it. I allow myself to feel how I feel and it always passes in the end. Maybe if will help you. x
Thank you _MrsC that is really good advice from your mum and does help..I tend to give myself a hard time if I think the feelings are negative and tell myself how I 'should' be feeling or looking at things but the mind tends not to work like that does it!
Glad to hear it's common and I'm not just ungrateful, I really do feel very lucky and we are very strong, we've been through lots of other rubbish things too, and always get through them stronger and more united.
Completely understand.ive been with my partner 14 years this year & looking at some of the relationships around me,even those with kids, I know I am blessed with a wonderful man and a really strong relationship so I know I'm luckier than some but like u I'd hoped to add a child to the mix to share this lovely life with.i know we will still be happy without but I'm scared of a future where I am always left wondering what it could've been like...
Congratulations on your anniversary-22 years is a pretty big achievement -u must definitely have something special xxx
You've hit the nail on the head for me 72cloud9, some of my friends with children aren't always happy with their oh's and with some it's blatantly obvious they aren't treated as they deserve so I'm always thinking how lucky I am that my hubby is so wonderful..I'm also the same in that I know we'll be happy together (once we've grieved if we have to give up) but I think the sadness and wondering will always be part of us and that does scare me. I also worry that we could have a wonderful life with travel & experiences and a nice home (moving is on the cards but we've stayed put 'Just in case'!) but it won't feel enough 🙁 Can you tell I'm an overthinker?!
I'm an over thinker to.we are thinking exactly the same.i told my oh that if kids aren't in the mix I want nice house & travel but will it be enuf? My neighbour is 70 and had 6 IVF attempts in her younger years.she says the sadness never leaves you completely but she feels she leads a very full happy life so we can only hope that if we r faced with that situation that we will be ok to xxx
Oh wow it's so so nice to hear you're not alone and someone totally understands isn't it, although you wouldn't wish it on anyone 😒 It's good that you know someone who went through it and has been happy, I guess that's a long road though with lots of stages to get through but let's hope we don't have to face that 🙏🏻
My problem is my brain seems to run away with itself and imagine the worst as some sort of defence mechanism, the only trouble is it just leads to (perhaps unnecessary) stress 😩 My hubby is the opposite..calm, chilled & positive so it's nice to know someone understands as he can't always grasp my way of thinking!
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