First cycle cancelled😪

[CRxMRx]

First cycle has been cancelled today due to disappointing response to stims. Not sure really how I'm feeling I just feel incredibly numb inside almost feel like im grieving, its a 2 hour drive to fertility center from our home and cried the whole way back from the appointment. No one really prepares you for the ache and pain that your heart feels do they? I knew this would be hard but I feel like my body is failing me where as my head & heart its ready and been ready for a long time to be a mum💔 recently I've started feeling real resentment to friends/family even strangers who have babies I feel like everywhere I look are mums with their children is this a normal feeling? I didn't ever think like that even when I found out years ago I'd need ivf and the chances of me conceiving naturally was basically 0. But now I feel so differently I can't bare to look at pregnancy/birth posts on social media I burst into tears, then the added questions from family and friends - when will you have a little one? Surprised you've not had a child by now you've been together for 7 years and married now? Youd be an amazing mum your so good with kids are you not trying Yet? Inside im screaming with pain and frustration at my own body for failing me💔

[Loverofpizza]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, my heart goes out to you ❤️If i could offer any advice it would be make sure to allow yourself the time and space to process your emotions, but also try not to be so hard on yourself. IVF is tough, and just because you didn't respond well this time, it doesn't mean to say that future attempts will be the same.

You're so right that no one prepares you for the heart ache, and I'm not sure that you can ever truly be prepared. I can also relate to your feelings of resentment, and i think that's quite a normal thing to experience. I've been TTC for 5 years now and in that time 3 babies have been born to my siblings (I'm an aunty to 9 children to siblings that fall pregnant without trying ). I work in HR and deal with pregnant employees all the time, and it's so hard to put on a front and be happy for them in meetings about their maternity leave, whilst I'm screaming inside that it should be my turn now!

It helps to have an outlet, and someone to talk to, and I've personally found this community to be so helpful because everyone understands the ups and downs.

Wishing you all the best x

[CRxMRx in reply to Loverofpizza]

Thank you so much for kind words and message, definitely just going to take some time and process everything I've arranged for emergency holidays at work for the rest of the week just to allow time to heal💔

Its definitely a tough experience feels like blow after blow, I'm similar im the oldest of 7, my younger sisters have kids, cousins that are younger have kids all my friends just feels like its all around me its difficult to deal with. I feel horrible for feeling this way, doesn't help my mum and dad are very outgoing blunt people and they don't really understand ivf I've had comments asked like... so will the baby actually be yours then? Will it have our dna? Or I've heard of people getting pregnant naturally when waiting on ivf bet that happens to you! Feels like no one really understands my emotions or pain inside feels like a task to put a smile on some days😪

Ivf and infertility should be taught more to everyone so people have more understanding on it, praying we both get our turn🤍

[DogMum7 in reply to Loverofpizza]

Think you've nailed it!

I also work in HR and have three in my team off on maternity currently complaining about how hard it is with a child and wanting concessions and I have to remain so professional.

The other thing I would add is finding something that works for you as a happy place. For me it's exercise and strength training. I have a lot of resentment and find this releases some of it for me. It certainly helps me face the day when I wake up just wanting to stay in bed and cry all day. Also my dog, it sounds insane but he literally gets me out of bed in the morning and I'd be lost without him. Focus on the things that make you smile. You've got this xxxx

[CardiGrey]

Hi, I’m really sorry that you are feeling this. It is all very normal what you are feeling, but, as you said, no one prepares you for it. I think we live in a society that has little focus on “taboos” such as infertility. You can’t prepare for something that is hidden, silenced and shunned from mainstream society. I’m shocked at how little I knew about PCOS (my condition) and that there was a possibility I wouldn’t conceive naturally. I think more of a narrative has been opened up now about infertility, but as a society we have a long way to go. My advice would be to be open with your partner, you’re in this together, and you can find comfort in each other. Maybe looking into counselling or talking therapies might help. I had CBT and this worked wonders for me. One of my friends who had IVF also deactivated social media in times when she really struggled and it helped her through. There are parts of this journey that become all consuming, and it sounds as if you are at that part, and sometimes the only way you come out the other side of something is going through it. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you will get through it. Many of us know and understand the feelings you’re experiencing all too well, and sadly, it’s part of the process. However, there are so many success stories on here and I have faith that one day yours will be one of them. I think it’s good to have this forum of understanding people that make you realise that your feeling and emotions are valid. I hope you’re feeling better soon ❤️ xx

[CRxMRx in reply to CardiGrey]

Yeah I definitely agree! Its not talked about and understood by alot of people, the amount of insensitive comments I've had regarding infertility is crazy. People don't realise its unexplained alot of the time and can happen to anyone! It needs to be talked about more 100%. Thanks for your kind words, ill definitely take time heal, get myself stronger and pick myself up to try again in a few months🤍x

[SKC111]

Hey my lovely, it’s ok not to be ok! This journey is tough! Feel how you feel, people don’t understand. I had two delayed cycles and once cancelled, each time I was devastated and cried lots! I just looked at your profile it said you had blocked tubes and you are 29. You still have lots of time and with blocked tubes you need ivf, the meds can be changed to different protocols. What has the clicin said is next? Sending 🫶🏼 xxxx

[Kitkat10]

Very very normal feelings, I felt them too 💔 it’s a really tough process to navigate but you will get there, one way or another.

I had to distance myself from pregnant people and birth announcements and I quit social media while I was going through IVF.

Try and protect your heart if you can and give yourself a break while you navigate this. It’s really early stages and the clinic should have some answers for you. The first cycles are sometimes a bit of trial and error to see what they need to change for the next cycle.

Keep going, you’re doing really well, just try and stay positive and good luck for everything going forward 🍀🍀 xx

[-Cupcake]

I'm really sorry to hear that, I was really rooting for you. It's so hard when everyone around you seems to have children so easily. It'll no doubt take a bit of time to get your head round this, but do give yourself space and also some nice treats - even when I was feeling rubbish after previous failures, I did get a little bit of pleasure out of going to the supermarket and eating everything I'd been steering clear of like blue cheese and smoked salmon and maybe even a beer. Hopefully they'll up your dosage from the start next time and fingers crossed you'll get a better response. Thinking of you ❤️

[CRxMRx in reply to -Cupcake]

Thank you so much🤍 definitely taking some time out I've taken the rest of the week off work and my husband has too hes booked us in for a spa day this Friday surprised me this morning bless him, I just can't stop crying feel so emotional but ill get there, thanks for your kind words xxx

[Christianbaby]

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Your feelings are completely valid, and it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. The journey through IVF can be incredibly tough, and it's okay to feel a range of emotions, including grief, frustration, and even resentment.

It's natural to feel like your body is failing you when it doesn't respond the way you hoped. But remember, this isn't your fault. Your heart and mind are ready for motherhood, and your desire to become a mom is powerful and real. The fact that you're feeling this deeply shows just how strong and committed you are.

Seeing others with their children can be an especially painful reminder of what you’re longing for, and it's okay to feel that pain. It's also okay to set boundaries to protect your heart, like taking a break from social media or gently redirecting conversations with family and friends.

Your dream of becoming a mom is still very much alive, even if the journey looks different than you imagined. Hold on to hope, and take care of your heart as you continue forward. Sending positive thoughts x

[CRxMRx in reply to Christianbaby]

Thank you so much for your kind words🥺🤍

[LKW30]

I’m really sorry that this has happened to you. I was in the exact same boat a month ago, I felt so hopeless and angry with my body, my life, every thing! But I want you to know it does get better honestly, even though it doesn’t feel like it at the moment.

I deleted social media the day of cancellation and it was the best decision. Not seeing those posts has removed another layer of upset and I feel much calmer without being on there.

I’ve also spent a lot of time on forums and researching and looking at positive outcomes from people in the same situation which has helped me feel less hopeless.

It’s an emotional rollercoaster and so many people don’t understand but hang on to those people who you can talk to and lean on them. Wishing you all the luck with your future plans 🤍

[CRxMRx in reply to LKW30]

Thank you so much for the advice and well wishes🤍 🤍

[ColinCat19]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I can relate. First cycle cancelled for the same reason. Second cycle we decided to continue anyway even though we only had one big follicle. The follicle was empty at retrieval. Been told there’s no point trying again, unless we use donor eggs. I’ve loved to try again but it’s so much money when we’ve been told there’s no point. How big were your follicles/how many? What drugs were you on?

[CRxMRx in reply to ColinCat19]

I'm so so sorry🤍🤍 thats horrible that they've said there's no point, they've said the longer I'm on stims the worse the quality is and I was on a long protocol so was a downreg first then I was on day 14 of stims yesterday when they cancelled, had 18 follicles altogether but most of them were small the biggest was 15 so still really not big enough, I just didn't respond to the dosage of stims atall it was low with my age and amh I was 150 for the first 7 days then they upped it to 225 but still didn't get the growth they expected. They have said they want to try a shorter protocol next time so no downreg and stronger dosage of stims but won't be until October period now to allow my body to recover xx

[Mittenz]

I know exactly what you are going through as the same thing happened to me. The stims is not an exact science and unfortunately there is a lot of trial and error that is emotionally and financially draining but just know it is not you. Your doctors will find a solution for you, just have faith xx

[CRxMRx]

Thank you🤍 definitely just need time and to pick myself back up and try again hopefully with a different protocol it'll be a better outcome next time🙏xx