Coping with failed IVF

[AMumToBe]

Had my first attempt of IVF, testing day was Sunday and it was negative. Blood test also confirmed it was negative. Still waiting for AF to make its appearance. Heartbroken.

I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that I have been pregnant naturally 4 times previously (although I miscarried - finding out later this was due to sticky blood so was put on blood thinning injections during IVF) so how can IVF fail me??

I kept getting told I was the perfect case and my consultant was so confident I would get pregnant. I’m completely gutted.

Keep thinking what if’s, which I’m sure many of you are used to.

We only had two surviving embryo’s and went with one to eliminate the risk of miscarriage, given my history.

Now we only have 1 frozen left. NHS in my area only allows one fresh (which we’ve just had) and one frozen. So I’m really worried if the next one doesn’t work.

AF still hasn’t made an appearance, how long after stopping the pessaries did any of you come on?

How do you cope with failed IVF? I feel like ive had a miscarriage again. Completely heart broken.

This journey is so tough, it’s been 4-5 years of struggling and I’m not sure how much more I can cope with. Physically, mentally and emotionally I feel completely drained.

We have a review appointment at the end of the month to discuss what happened (not that I think doctors know) and what we want to do next.

So few questions if you don’t mind ladies

A) how soon after the pessaries did AF come?

B) how soon after did you start your next cycle of IVF? And was this successful?

C) what did you do to help you cope with failed IVF?

Wishing all the ladies reading this lots of baby dust and lots of love, I know here is a place where we can share our pain and experiences xxx

[aamiller405]

Im sorry I haven't been through this so I don't have any of the answers but just wanted to send you some love while you wait on the other ladies to reply. take care of yourself xo

[AMumToBe in reply to aamiller405]

Thank you so much xxx wishing you love & luck ❤️

[Kempton]

Really sorry this round wasn't successful. I remember feeling utterly broken after my first transfer didn't work and, like you, knowing I only had one remaining embryo in the freezer. I would really encourage you to talk to your clinic about getting some fertility counselling. It helped me deal with the grief of the first failed round, losing that embryo that we gave a little nickname and thought of as our future baby.

I know it may not be much of a comfort to you right now, but I got pregnant with my remaining embryo and now I'm a mummy to a beautiful 18 month old. I had an unmedicated cycle 2 periods after the failed transfer, so it was all pretty quick and a bit of a whirlwind.

Our situations are different but I just wanted to say that it's not all over for you yet.

Best of luck going forward. I hope you can get through this time with the support of your partner.

[AMumToBe in reply to Kempton]

Thank you so much for replying xxx so happy you are now mummy to your beautiful little girl.

I have a counselling appointment next week x

You story gives me hope, thank you such a reassuring words xxx

[Novice_knitter]

My first cycle failed and I was absolutely devastated. I got so much support on here & also found the counselling at the clinic really helpful. I hadn’t miscarried before but it felt like I’d miscarried and was heartbroken.

I did something to mark my time with the embie & say goodbye. Ended up going to church quietly with my hubby, wrote a prayer and lit a candle. Everyone has their own way of coping with it and hope this is useful.

I was more successful with my second round and am now 24 weeks, but I’ll never forget the pain of the first round.

Thinking of you and so sorry for your loss xxx

[Novice_knitter in reply to Novice_knitter]

Ps - after stopping pessaries, AF came about 3-4 data later

[AMumToBe in reply to Novice_knitter]

Thank you x

[AMumToBe in reply to Novice_knitter]

Thank you so much x I’m so pleased that your second round was successful. Fills me with hope.

Was your second round a fresh or frozen embryo?

Hoping next time I can bring good news on here x

Thank you for your kind words x

[Novice_knitter in reply to AMumToBe]

Second cycle was a fresh (we did have one other embryo from our first fresh cycle but lowest freezable quality, due to my age my consultant recommended a second fresh cycle and to collect more frosties if able as a back-up for future frozen cycles as needed). Otherwise I would’ve gone straight for a frozen again. Luckily I had funding for two fresh (each of which included a frozen as needed). xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry, my first round failed also, despite having previous MC

I was told it takes a while for your body to get used to the process - but wow think positive when you are ready - you have a frozen embryo -‘my first round I got 2x2 day embryos only, so whilst this has been an utterly shit result - all hope is not lost and in the scheme of things over time you will see lots of positives.

AF came about 4 days after BFN for me but the following one was completely messed up and took about six weeks. I started my second round the next month after that and got my BFP but sadly MC at 9ish weeks. Since then I’ve also been diagnosed with sticky blood, lupus etc as well

I am pretty sure you will be able to start again on your next AF if you feel ready mentally. I totally get your anger and pain and confusion though. I’ve now had 3 MC, one failed IVF and one ending in MC. I am terrified about the next round. There aren’t really any tangible reasons why i didn’t have a baby years ago, life is just tough at times I guess. But to me whilst you need to grieve for this round I think your chances next are soaring high and I am very optimistic for you xx

[AMumToBe in reply to Hidden]

Hi Daisy, i am so so sorry to hear of what you have had to go through. What an amazing woman you are, consoling me through your own pain. Big hug xx

I believe both our times will come.

Sending you lots of love, luck and prayers.

Thank you for replying x

[JennyRLR]

Hello, my first round of ivf failed too and I will never forget it. It was the day before Christmas Eve and I spent the whole of Christmas bleeding so heavily it was an awful reminder. I used this site and it really helped me get through each day slowly and make a new plan. We started again using mild ivf about two months later (which was successful). Personally I needed some time but not too long as getting back on that road again was really hard. The biggest advice I got was just be kind to yourself for a little while. Even the consultant told me to relax all the diets etc and have a bit of fun. My husband and I went to a friends wedding and had a few drinks and a dance and forgot about things. I know it seems like a really long road but the majority of us get there. Good luck and best wishes xx

[AMumToBe in reply to JennyRLR]

Hi Jenny, thank you so much for sharing your experience. So glad it worked out for you, that fills me with hope.

Thank you for your advice and words of encouragement xx

[Cici85]

Hello , I am so sorry this hs happened to you. I have never been through this but I feel your pain . Keep been positive and hope we all get to hear the goodnews soon.

[AMumToBe in reply to Cici85]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey too x

[runsoncuddles]

Hello, I'm sorry this round wasn't successful, it's really a tough thing to wrap your head around.

My AF came a day after stopping pessaries , I was on cyclogest twice a day.

We coped by taking time off work, allowing ourselves a few days to really be miserable at home. After that we made sure we had fun things to do planned to distract us.

We are waiting to go back mid July to start again, about a month after the BFN.

I hope you feel better soon, please take care of your self too xx

[AMumToBe in reply to runsoncuddles]

Sorry to hear it didn’t work out for you too, I really hope and pray the next round is successful for you x

Thank you so much xx

[Hidden]

We've had a failed cycle which we felt we were mislead by a nurse at the clinic who said that we might not need multiple cycles on the fertility for you programme and so we opted out and paid for one cycle which was as expensive as the programme we are gutted and at a dead end in relation to fertility and have no clue we're to go now, were unable to get treatment on nhs and don't know we're to go next. I hope you succeed keep trying as I feel it takes multiple cycles to success x

[AMumToBe in reply to Hidden]

Sorry to hear that Lorrie xx I really hope and pray the struggle is over soon for you too. Best of luck x

[Charleexn2]

I’m so sorry xx

[AMumToBe in reply to Charleexn2]

Thank you so much x

[Shinyhalo1]

Hi, my first round failed too and like you my consultant thought it would happen first time. I started to bleed part way through so kind of knew it hadn’t worked but still was a huge shock when i got a negative. I cried the full day; I remember just how painful mentally it was- was so down for 2-3 days but you’ve got to pick yourself up. I had my review and they basically didn’t know why it hadn’t worked; but 2nd time around they know more about me and how I’ll react to drugs etc. So I’m positive. I mean I’ve got to be right, this process is hard on us mentally anyway.

I’m a PCOS sufferer too so I knew it wouldn't be straight forward.

As for the bleed after stopping my pessarys it never really occurred - I had some very red blood for about 24 hours then that was it. I think I stopped taking the pessaries on the Sunday and Tuesday I stopped bleeding - but everyone’s bodies are different. I didn’t go for the counselling because i don’t feel I’d benefit from it but I know some of my friends have and it really helped them.

I am having a couple of months off before starting round 2 in August .... fingers crossed 🤞🏽

Thinking of you xx

[AMumToBe in reply to Shinyhalo1]

Thank you so much lovely. Really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. Wishing you lots of luck for your next cycle x

[jengi]

Oh my lovely, I’m so sorry. It is heart breaking. Look after each other and be kind to yourselves. Sending you big hugs X

[AMumToBe in reply to jengi]

Thank you so much jengi x 😘

[Lots8788]

So sorry to hear this xx big hugs x

[AMumToBe in reply to Lots8788]

Thank you xx

[Shirazlover2013]

Hi 👋 I’m sorry your first embryo transfer didn’t work out and so sad to hear about your previous miscarriages, such a difficult path to motherhood for you. You’re not alone here on this forum, there are so many of us with similar experiences, for some it will be recent and others not so much, for some they will have gone on to get their baby or pregnancy but for many others the struggle is ongoing.

I also thought IVF would work 1st time as our “problem” would be resolved by using ICSI. But we’re 2 fresh rounds down with nothing to show for it but a lighter wallet. Our NHS docs and private IVF consultants were also very confident it would work for us. It’s certainly a rude shock when we realise that we’re not the lucky one who gets a BFP 1st try 😲 you’re right it is absolutely gutting. Mentally I’ve had to stay well away from the “what if” thoughts and the comparisons to others who get their BFP around the time that I’ve got BFNs, it’s a daily struggle still for me.

In answer to your other questions, A) 2-3 days, B) I waited for 2 bleeds after the withdrawal bleed, but I think you can do it after 1 especially if it’s a FET not a fresh round like I did.

You have one embryo in the freezer which is great 👍 I hope that one is your little miracle xx

[AMumToBe in reply to Shirazlover2013]

Thank you so much and I’m so sorry to hear what you have been going through too. I hope and pray we all get our miracles soon.

AF made an appearance yesterday and is here in full force today...ouch!!

In agony!

One of my close friends did two rounds of IVF, both failed and then she took a break to think over her next steps, few months later she found out she was pregnant.

She now has an adorable little baby boy, so miracles do happen xxx

[Shirazlover2013 in reply to AMumToBe]

Oh yes my AF after 1st fail was horrendous!! I was wiped out for 2 days on the sofa with hot water bottle, cups of tea and painkillers. For someone who’s never really had painful periods it was a nasty shock. But then 2nd time around I was expecting horror again and it wasn’t nearly as bad, no idea why the difference 🤷‍♀️.

I still hope to fall naturally which my brain says is stupid but my heart can’t help. And every month it’s that hope and disappointment cycle 😒, sorry I’m a bit negative nelly at the moment, just where I’m at right now after getting hit by an unexpected pregnancy announcement from family. Look after yourself xx

[lolly2019]

Hello, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling at the moment. My first attempt failed at the beginning of May. I had a post op bleed a week later but then my natural bleed never appeared. When I was on day 56 they took bloods, said I’d ovulated and we’re happy to start round two so I begin injections next week. I really really struggled badly for 3 wks post fail, I felt so alone and that I was very close to having a breakdown! I spoke to partner/friends/family but still felt alone so went to a couple of counseling sessions with fertility counsellor, started back at the gym and had a weekend in the country myself to chill, cry, and pick myself up. You have suffered a loss and need to grieve. The counseling really does help. Just try and be kind to yourself and know that there are people out there (here) that know how you feel and can empathize and try and help support you. Whatever your usual top relaxation things are, do them all, frequently and allow yourself to process what you’ve been through. Sending love luck and strength for your next round x

[AMumToBe in reply to lolly2019]

Thank you so much for your kinds words x I’m so sorry to hear what you have had to go through too.

I hope and pray we all have our miracles too.

Good luck for the next round, I will be sending you lots of positivity and wish this time it really works for you xxx