Advice needed, pregnancy after miscarriage (sensitive)

[Missl73]

I’m 5 weeks pregnant with my second IVF pregnancy. My first ended in a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. It’s almost exactly one year since the last time I was in this position so it feels weirdly likely I’m just re-living what I went through last time - the weather is the same, my job is the same, it all just feels so horribly familiar. I have no reason to believe that this pregnancy isn’t viable (and statistically I know the odds are in my favour) but I’m finding it hard to treat this as a new experience and not that I’m just waiting to be told it’s all over. My anxiety about having my first scan in a couple of weeks is extremely high as I had 3 scans last time (2 where I saw the baby alive with a strong heartbeat and one after she had died) and I can’t bare the thought of having to go through that again. I find myself not wanting to do tests or anything because I’m terrified of being given bad news it’s like I just want to hibernate and hide until I’m safely past 12 weeks. What things did you find helped you cope after previous loss?

[Hidden]

Hi there. Im sorry about your previous loss, and I'm sorry you are so nervous but it is so normal for us all. You are not alone. That wait in between the positive and the viability is worse that the 2ww. Im 11 wks into my second pregnancy. My first earlier this year ended at 6 wks. I was a mess intially with this pregnancy , once I came off the progesterone (my clinic told me to come off at my viability scan at 6 1/2 wks but I eased off until week 8/9 ) I felt a lot better not shoving drugs into me and trying to just get on and forget about it as much as possible, super tough but a good discipline to have... but I'm doing my upmost to love and trust my body is doing the right thing because I have no evidence to suggest otherwise, and keep really distracted, and keep distracted still ! i mean puzzles, reorganising cupboards, my wardrobe...its all pretty trivial. And lots of gentle suitable stretching to really try and keep my body as tension free as possible... good luck xxx

[Missl73 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for sharing your story, I like that idea of just trusting my body to do what it should. Wishing you a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy xx

[Kitcat12]

It's so difficult being pregnant after a loss. I've spent a lot of time during this pregnancy petrified that something is going to go wrong after losing my first pregnancy last December. I expected the worst at every appointment, especially at the beginning as I had bleeding. Then at one of my emergency scan appointments one of the drs told me that there was no point in worrying because it won't change the outcome. I may never get to be pregnant again, as this is an IVF baby, so I am now determined to try and enjoy and soak in every minute. I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and you get to enjoy every magical moment x

[Missl73 in reply to Kitcat12]

It sounds like we had our miscarriages at the same time. How far along are you now? The advice your doctor gave is the same advice I’ve given to others yet it’s so much harder when you try and adopt that mindset when it’s you! I do know that nature will do it’s thing and whatever will be will be. I am going to try hard to enjoy this time more x

[Kitcat12 in reply to Missl73]

😞 December 11th was when ours started. Bless you, it's just awful. I'm now 22 weeks along so please don't lose hope that it can happen! I've found that since I've taken the 'worrying wont change the outcome' stance I'm actually a bit calmer. I really hope all goes well for you lovely x

[Missl73 in reply to Kitcat12]

Mine was December 7th. It’s really encouraging to hear your pregnancy is progressing normally though. We know our last miscarriage was chromosomal as we had the tissue tested it was a Trisomy 16. Rationally I know this means it was just very bad luck and one of those things, so really doesn’t mean it will happen again. I think once I get past that first scan if the baby is measuring to it’s dates with a good heartbeat I’ll start to believe it’s real. These very early weeks where you don’t have my symptoms it’s hard to believe it’s really happening again!

[Kitcat12 in reply to Missl73]

I totally agree! I think I was still in disbelief until I started to feel movement, now he's very active and constantly reminds me he's there. It's really reassuring. I'll be following your journey and look forward to hearing about your pregnancy x

[Leesara]

I have no advise to give, as I haven’t experienced falling pregnant again after our loss, but didn’t want to not reply.

Far far far easier said than done but try to do positive things and keep as positive as possible in your mindset. Distraction can help- walks in nature (even I it’s not your normal thing eg national trust garden or somewhere with water), puzzles, lunch with friends,

I also mean this in a kind way, but be thankful, Hold onto hope that you are so so lucky to have managed to get pregnant again and for you and your baby, try to keep stress/cortisone levels down

Truly wishing you calmness, lowered anxiety and positivity. If helpful, van PM encouraging messages

[JulieOcean2]

Hiya, congratulations on your pregnancy! And sorry you had to go through that before. I know exactly how you feel I had a missed miscarriage, and when I finally got my BFP after my 3rd IVF transfer I was terrified. I had scans at 7 weeks, 9 weeks and 12 weeks and never looked at the screen until I was told everything was fine. The sonographers were very nice when I explained why. I started feeling movement just before my 16 week gender scan and that one was totally different I couldn’t wait to see the screen because i knew the baby was fine.

So I can’t give you any advise on helping with anxiety before I felt movement but I can tell you even though your probably going to be terrified in the back of your mind for the full 9 months you will definitely started to learn to calm down and enjoy the pregnancy more xx

[Missl73 in reply to JulieOcean2]

Thanks julie. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this too. That is my plan with the scans I don’t want to see the screen until it’s confirmed everything is ok because I know what I’m looking out for and I knew immediately last time when the baby had died but had to wait while the sonographer did all the measurements which was awful. Did you get blood hcg tests done too or did you just wait for the first scan? Xx

[JulieOcean2 in reply to Missl73]

its So strange being excited for scan day but terrified at the same time! My clinic didn’t offer hcg tests. After the positive pregnancy test they scanned me at 7 weeks to confirm the pregnancy then they discharged me. Do you get hcg testing?

I had spoken to my husband and was planning on booking private scans inbetween the NHS ones, so I had one every month just for my own sanity but we only had a private one at 16 weeks. I promise you your mindset will change a wee bit once you feel the wee toot starting to wriggle about xx

[Missl73 in reply to JulieOcean2]

My clinic don’t do blood betas as standard but you can choose to pay for them as an add on. I got one at 12dp5dt and it was higher than average for that date but then I obsessively googled it which wasn’t helpful. I decided not to get a second one to check the doubling rate because it would just give me something else to obsess over and make myself anxious. I’ve decided now just to wait for my scan at 7+4. I think if that one is ok I’ll try and get another one 2 weeks later via the EPU who should do an early scan because of my MMC and then after that wait until my NHS one. I’m going to get the harmony test done at 10 weeks because the EPU recommended it as I now have a history of chromosomal errors which means I have a very slightly elevated risk of another one. I just need to keep telling myself right now I am pregnant! Xx

[Mogwai_2]

I know exactly what you are going through. When I had my second pregnancy I didn’t want to be scanned before the dating of the previous miscarriage. For me, seeing a heartbeat at 6-7 weeks was meaningless if it wasn’t going to be there at the next scan. Our MMC actually happened 3 days following my 7 week scan (found out at 9.5 weeks at next scan that we only got on the NHS as it was a suspected twin pregnancy). So the next time I managed to hold off scanning until 8.5 weeks.

Everyone is different in terms of what will help them. But I agree with others that you have to just try to enjoy it as you will feel bad if things go wrong whether you try to enjoy it or let it totally stress you out.

I have my fingers crossed for you. X

[Missl73 in reply to Mogwai_2]

Thank you I really appreciate your good wishes. Last time I was scanned at 7 weeks and 8 weeks baby had a strong heartbeat but was measuring about a week behind so I knew something wasn’t right. By my next scan at 10 weeks she had died at some time in between. This time my first scan is at 7+4 so by then there should be a strong heartbeat and if it is measuring on track I’ll feel more reassured. Reading most of the stories online there are usually some signs (like with my slow growth) that something is wrong. I’m trying very hard to keep optimistic and my DH keeps correcting my language so when I say things like “if we are still pregnant in January...” to “as we’ll be pregnant in January...” we are off on holiday for a week before my scan so at least that will give me something to take my mind off things xx

[Mogwai_2 in reply to Missl73]

You sound just like I did. And yes, it bothered my other half too. I used to refer to myself as the ‘ticking timebomb’. If there is any justice, you will not lose this one. 🤞 x

[Shelleybean]

You’re not alone honey, I’m in the same situation. Currently 9 weeks and had a successful viability scan, but feeling anxious as had a mmc at 8 weeks last year. We’ve booked a private scan for next week when I’ll be exactly 10 weeks because I don’t feel I can wait until my nhs one (which looks like it’s going to be late as my booking appt with the midwife isn’t until I’m over 11 weeks 😱 Not got many symptoms either which isn’t exactly reassuring! Hopefully with each scan might be able to start to relax a bit.

I’m doing some pregnancy meditations each eve to try to help it seem a bit more real. There’s a few apps out there, so maybe give one a try if you haven’t already? Wishing you lots of luck 🍀 xx

[Ab87]

Hey,

I’m so sorry about your loss. I’m in a similar situation to you. One thing a friend who has also had it tough recommended to me which is worth considering is fertility hypnosis / meditation. I was pretty dubious to be honest but I started listening to a video on YouTube during the two week wait following my ICSI (I was willing to try anything to help even if I didn’t believe it) and have done it a couple of times per week since finding out I was pregnant, and I’ve found myself in a mindset I never dreamed I could be in. There’s still some nervousness - I’ve had 3 first trimester losses so it’s a scary time for me - and I’m desperate to get to 13 weeks as fast as possible, however in all honesty it’s dwarfed a lot by an overwhelming sense that everything will be fine and that I can plan for the future of this pregnancy. That’s not something I would’ve ever imagined being able to do and although I’m very sceptical, I can’t put it down to anything else really.

These are the ones I’ve been listening to. It’s worth giving it a go for a few weeks and seeing how you feel after that. You might feel a bit silly at first if you’re not used to it but it’s worth a go - seems to have made a difference for me.

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m.youtube.com/watch?v=4uANW...(Not working as expected?)

Good luck.