Just need to write this all down. Until yesterday I was 8 weeks 4 days pregnant. This was our 5th round of IVF and we lost twins 16 months ago at 13 weeks. I am 37 and married 4.5 years to the loveliest man. I had terrible ulcerative colitis in my 20s with lots of drugs and surgery and the working assumption is that that is the reason for my infertility.
After losing the twins and having two unsuccessful cycles afterwards I had pretty much given up hope of ever having a baby that was biologically mine but then we had a miracle and our 5th cycle made two embryos one of which worked. I thought maybe just maybe this was our break.
7 week scan showed a good heartbeat but baby was a bit small so we went back yesterday for another scan. Scan showed it hadn't developed and heartbeat was too slow. And today another scan showed no heartbeat and there is a mass of blood and the sac is starting to collapse. I'm booked in for surgery on Monday.
I am broken. How can this happen again? Losing the twins was the worst thing I'd ever been thorough and now we have to do it again but with less hope that we will ever sort this out. We've spent so much time and emotional and financial resources and we have nothing. I just want to be a mum and want my husband to be a dad. Don't know how to cope with this, I'm just so sad. Thank you for being here for me to vent to.