Double Donation - the donated eggs and sperm used by the clinic were not what I selected.

[whinnypoo]

This is a challenging story. I am not sure where to turn and what exactly to write. I am so lucky to have a beautiful baby thanks to fertility treatment that I had in a clinic in North Cyprus.

I am on my own and the decision to progress with double donor was not easy however it was my only option.

During the process I selected donor sperm via my clinic but which, I am led to believe was from Cryos, Cyprus (Danish / Blue Eyes / Blond Hair/fair skin). Eggs were selected via my clinic and again I chose the egg donor (European/Blond hair / Blue Eyes /fair skin/ Same height as me). I chose similar physical attributes to myself. I chose anonymous donors with the basic information as stated that I was given from the clinic/cryos website.

As I have above mentioned I have a baby and I am now a mum, something I have always hoped for and dreamed of. I am very grateful.

However, I have started to question the baby's heritage as eyes are dark, skin is olive and hair is also dark. This does not correlate to the egg and sperm donors selected and is quite the opposite of me.

I decided to carry out a DNA test on the baby using 23 and me. I have been flabbergasted by the results which state that donor egg came from a person of West Asian heritage (100% Turkish) and the donated sperm is NW European, through the DNA test there was a link to the actual donor who is from America and not the donor I selected through cryos.

I have questioned clinic about the legitimacy of the embryo's heritage and whether they used the donated eggs/sperm from the donors I selected, the clinic stated that they did but due to the appearance of my baby and the DNA results this is not true.

As I used anonymous donors and because I am on my own, I feel that I am powerless. I have contacted HFEA but they can't help as the clinic was overseas.

My head is in overdrive thinking about all this, I am worried that the clinic are taking advantage of people; donors and recipients alike.

Does anyone have any advice or guidance?

Has anyone encountered anything similar?

Thank you, I hope I haven't upset anyone as I realise the content is ethically and morally challenging.

[Football61]

Hi. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve encountered such a stressful situation. Have you shared the written ‘23 And Me’ results with the clinic in Cyprus? And they’re still refuting it? Have you looked into whether there is a fertility regulator in Cyprus (the equivalent of the HFEA)? They might be your best bet. I’m going through double donation now, so I can imagine how difficult this must be. Thank G0d you have a healthy, beautiful baby, but it’s so wrong if you were misled by the clinic. I hope you manage to sort it out x

[whinnypoo in reply to Football61]

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

I have contacted the clinic to raise my concerns but I’m not getting anywhere. The clinic advised me that they indeed use my selected double donors that I selected and that DNA tests are usually wrong, they are not willing to have any further dialogue about this matter.

I am going to consult with a Fertility Lawyer in the UK and ask for advice on next steps.

Part of me thinks it might be best to do nothing but the other part of me thinks that the clinic should be held accountable and should not have the right to do this to anyone else.

My baby is innocent in all this. I love my baby so much and I’m focussed on my baby’s needs and our bonding.

Thanks again everyone your support and advice it means a lot.

[MyLittlePinkness in reply to whinnypoo]

‘That dna tests are usually wrong’……..??????? and these are medical professionals…. 😏I suspect you will get nowhere with them…it will be foreigners (who make up the majority of ivf tourism in North Cyprus) are just causing trouble…it’s like all those years ago when Madeleine McCann went missing, the authorities just wanted the problem to go away because it would hurt tourism…

[Tnthketnf]

I can't imagine how upsetting this is. I am having anonymous egg donor treatment abroad and this is a genuine fear. Maybe ESHRE can help? They are a European organisation for fertility treatments. I am not sure if they have a regulatory role overseeing clinics or even if North Cyprus will be under their jurisdiction but they might be able to signpost you to the right authority.

I would consider finding a lawyer in North Cyprus for advice. I know it seems daunting when it's not your language.

I hope you manage to find a way.

[Teddy1979 in reply to Tnthketnf]

Hello, sorry for going through this. Unfortunately North Cyprus I believe it would be difficult to go through EU law. It is a part of Cyprus that is controlled essentially by Turkey, since 1974. The political situation ever since is very complicated. I think a lawyer will be your best bet at the moment . I will like to wish you all the best and congratulations on your baby, remember to take care of yourself and maybe try and find a counsellor to help you process your feelings and move forward to enjoy your lovely baby.

[Christianbaby]

I'm glad you have your beautiful baby, who is undoubtedly a blessing, but the questions about your clinic's practices are very serious.

I would definitely encourage you to keep pushing the clinic for answers. It's your right to know the truth about the origins of your baby's genetic material, especially given the discrepancies you've discovered. Perhaps there are regulatory bodies or legal avenues in North Cyprus that could help hold the clinic accountable for providing accurate information.

Your courage in sharing your story is important. Stay strong and keep advocating for yourself and your child. You have every right to clarity and transparency. xx

[nat55zt]

Sorry you are going through this. It is a difficult situation. And while in theory the best thing would be to go after the clinic, in the real world that might not be the best option. This is North Cyprus. Different rules apply. Very different. It is not very probable that you will achieve anything and it could be costly and even dangerous.

You have a baby. It’s not what you wanted but the question is - can you accept and love the baby like it is.

If not than that is a huge problem that needs to be addressed. The baby is innocent and cannot pay for mistakes or greed of the clinic.

But if that is not an issue, then let it go and focus on the baby and your happiness. Clinic might be corrupt but you don’t want your baby to someday think it wasn’t good enough for you because you spent years and years chasing after “truth” and trying to proof your child is not what you paid for. That could cause mental health issues.

Choose your next steps wisely. There is a saying - do you want to be right or do you want to be happy. This is a situation where this applies.

You should still inform the regulator, health ministry, if the clinic advertises you can even write bad review, maybe do an anonymous interview so others are warned.

But don’t let this consume you. It is not fair to the baby. You cannot change what happened but it is up to you how it will affect your baby and your relationship.

[leo1980 in reply to nat55zt]

A Very sensible approach.

[nat55zt in reply to leo1980]

Unfortunately, because of my profession I have seen stories like this play out in real life, two with devastating consequences.

As we all know, IVF is a difficult journey that is not talked about enough. And lack of open conversation makes people vulnerable to greed.

IVF and its donation is one of the most corrupt industries. Yes, it is an industry (globally supposed to grow to almost 40 billion dollars by the end of the decade!).

It is a money making machine that profits off peoples desperation, and places, where regulation is a loose term, can actually be risky and dangerous- even when very nicely advertised.

People should be aware that there is a possibility that they won’t get exactly what they asked for. Sad but true and no one will do anything about it because it is so lucrative. Lack of regulation in some countries is not an accident it is a longstanding standard practice.

[MyLittlePinkness]

Good God i could have written this…. I wonder did we use the same clinic. I am white irish with bondie hair and freckles, everyone in my family looks like that really. Like you I did double donor and selected blonde blue eyed etc. My baby girl was very very dark at birth, everyone commented. Someone asked me once on the bus did I put fake tan on her 🙄

Now she is 22 months and as we have had a bit of good weather and wow she is literally getting darker by the day, there is no way she has a blue eyed blonde haired sperm donor. She has gorgeous big brown eyes and chocolate coloured hair.

I have often wondered about a dna test…..but i suppse i know what the outcome would be, she’s not the donors I chose.

I also suspected there were lies about the donors while i was there because it was always easy to change and there was always enough eggs to transfer etc. So right after she was born i knew the donors i had picked hadn’t been used.

BUT she is absolutely gorgeous, the best thing that has ever happened to me! She is stunningly pretty, bright, fearless, chatty, smiley!! If she has Cypriot blood in her, which i suspect she does, well every single person i met in Cyprus was smiley and chatty and kind, i have only good things to say about them so if she grows up like that well she‘ll be great!

I went 5 times and had 4 early losses before i finally held the pregnancy so i am extremely lucky to have her. I can’t imagine my life without her 💕💕

[MyLittlePinkness]

Can i pm you later?

[whinnypoo in reply to MyLittlePinkness]

Please do.

[MyLittlePinkness in reply to whinnypoo]

I did. I hope it worked!

[daisydooloe19 in reply to MyLittlePinkness]

Hi my little pinkness I am irish and looking for double donor...I have been to Greece 5 tines 2 chemical pregnancies at the start this will be my 6th time I would love to message you as a fellow irish person if you have the time

[MyLittlePinkness in reply to daisydooloe19]

Hi!! Yes i have time!! 💕

[Babybaby321]

I’m sorry to hear this - I too am single and looking at double donor and your story is shocking. The regulatory authority in North Cyprus is Turkish Medical Association (CTMA:KTTB) in Northern Cyprus. Their website is as below:

- Kıbrıs Türk Tabipleri Birliği

kttb.org

use Google Chrome browser to translate the page

I wrote to them to confirm my doctor was registered (MD) but from what I can tell, medical practices in N. Cyprus are only loosely regulated so I am uncertain whether you will get the outcome you hope but I did receive a reply from the above organisation so you can try. Best wishes

[whinnypoo in reply to Babybaby321]

Thank you so much for this information.

[JoleneR]

I'm sorry you are in this dilemma! Wanting the clinic to be held accountable for seriously unethical practices is completely natural, and has nothing to do with your love for your child. I don't think you should consider it a betrayal to your baby in any way, and on the contrary, it is unfair to them and all future children if the clinic is dishonest about their origins. This information affects them and their sense of identity more than anyone!

Finding a solicitor seems a good place to start. One specializing in medical malpractice. In the meantime, don't accept anything from the clinic (ie refund,) or agree to anything as it may undermine future claims.

[CyclingAddict]

This sounds challenging. I personally would take it further. While I agree with previous posts that the baby is a blessing, I'd still be very concerned that the clinic may have lied. Usually clinics do background checks on donors to see if they carry any genetic conditions. My main concern would be that, if they have used the incorrect eggs and sperm, they may also not have been honest about the health of the donors. I'm sure when the baby is older it will want to know about any hereditary conditions it may or may not have - even for health records.

We put a lot of trust in clinics and I can't imagine how frustrating this is for you! X