Double donor cycle failed so upset

[honesuckle1]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is managing OK wherever they are in their cycles. This is such a tough journey to be on.

Feeling completely shocked,deflated and sad and need any support anyone can muster.

We had our embryo transfer booked for yesterday am, we had 7 eggs from the egg donor and by last Sat we had just two fertilized OK. By Mon we had one still growing, they asked if i wanted a day 4 transfer, but after long discussion, opted for day 5 transfer yesterday, and though terrified, also so excited thinking had a 45% chance. Just as we neared the clinic we got a call to say it was bad news, and told us more when we got in. They said it had started degenerating so transfer cancelled.

We have used up sooo much money, which sure many can relate to. The clinic said this is rare but seen it before, and could be an issue with the egg donor, the sperm donor or i could have just been unlucky and got the 7 bad eggs from the 14 eggs batch the donor donated. And they will get back to us in a month to 2 months following further meetings and research when they should be able to tell us more.

We are really not sure how we could afford any more or what to do yet, not to mention additional issues i have with ivf drugs and process impact to chronic health conditions i live with, meaning life and possible treatments/surgery more on hold/ restricted even more than normal for me.

We knew there is no guarantees of course ever in all this, but thought our chances would be improved with the donors of at least getting a viable embryo to transfer (my husband had a genetic translocation -advised to use donor. And me- by the time i got off and reduced some of my toxic meds for my chronic conditions and manged to just tolerate some low dose hormones that make my conditions worse, i had very low reserve and started peri-menopause).

We did use the same donor sperm on my last eggs, and the thought that could be an issue with that sperm donor is further upsetting.

Feel the wind has been knocked out of us.

xxx

[purplerain2000]

Hi Honesuckle 1, so sorry to hear what a tough journey and hard time you are going through. I'm not sure where you did treatment however it is quite normal for clinics to offer guarantees especially when doing donor? My friend did double donor and the clinic in Cyprus guaranteed at least 3 blasts. I would definitely see what else they can offer you as this is so unfair to not even get to transfer on DD? I hope you get the opportunity to go again and the clinic give you the support you need at this trying time. Never give up on your dreams, where there's a will there a way. Big hugs xx

[honesuckle1 in reply to purplerain2000]

Hey Purplerain2000,

Thank you so much for your support and message. Oh wow that seems so much fairer, and that is what i my husband and i weer saying, there should be a garantee of some embryos, but we don't have that with our clinic. The clinic is create (I'm not sure if i am allowed to say the clinic name, so i hope i'm not breaching any rules and admin please remove if its not ok).

It feels so unfair and that we've handed over so much money, and feel abit like we have been done, as we were expecting at least a couple of viable embryos , and then not even to have a chance. Do you know the names of those clinics? xx

[purplerain2000 in reply to honesuckle1]

Hi honesuckle 1,

The clinic my friend used was Dogus in Cyprus. I have only just joined this network so I have not got a clue if you are allowed to post names of clinics good or bad?? Just keep going and do what you can to get your clinic to help you out here, I have never heard of such a bad cycle with DD it makes no sense. Keep going my lovely, that's all we can do. xx

[honesuckle1 in reply to purplerain2000]

Thank you so much purplerain 2000, ah extra hello and welcome! I'm too on the bit newer side, though not a big poster due to my health. I know no sense at all. I hope where ever you are it's going OK Xx

[greengreen]

So sorry to hear this I hope you are doing as well as you can be. This is so devastating after such a long journey.

Sending you lots if hugs and be kind to yourself. There's just so much we can't control and to go through it all your honestly a warrior.

Sending you strength xx

[honesuckle1 in reply to greengreen]

Thank you so much greengreen fro you kind message and support, definitely need those. And I reckon it takes one to know one xx

[Hope4usall]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. It is true when you use donor you have a better chance but nothing is guaranteed. I agree with purplerain2000 to see if they can offer you anything as that doesn't seem fair you didn't get to transfer day. We're all here for you. I had a negative this morning with a donor egg. It is so so hard but stay strong.This is a battle only us strong ones can do. Xx

[honesuckle1 in reply to Hope4usall]

Hi Hope4usall, love your name! Thank you, I'm so sorry too to hear you've had a negative this morning, sending hugs your way xx

[Hope4usall in reply to honesuckle1]

Thank you for your message and your message you PM'ed me xxx

[purplerain2000 in reply to Hope4usall]

Hi Hope4usall, I just read your post and think its so kind of you to offer support when you have just had some bad news yourself. Sorry to hear your DE cycle did not work you must be gutted, was this your first cycle? You are obviously a strong person I hope you will keep on your journey and send you lots of luck for the future.xx

[Hope4usall in reply to purplerain2000]

Hi thanks for your comment. It was our 2nd DE cycle, our first one ended in January when we miscarried at 12 weeks. I've had 3 cycles before using my own eggs. Struggling to know what went wrong when everything looked good. oTD is tomorrow but there is no hope at all. We will go again. I won't give up, and one day we'll get our child xxx

[purplerain2000 in reply to Hope4usall]

Argh bless ya its a hard old slog, but we keep on going to chase our dreams and you will get your child, just keep trying and never give up. I have just done my first DE cycle abroad after 4 failed IVF attempts using my OE, currently in the 2ww, so excited and yet so nervous. For some reason you move to DE thinking this is going to work first time round and reading all these posts it clearly does not work first time round for everyone. The odds are higher, better quality eggs its hard to know why these things do not work? We ahve to keep positive and focused on our dreams and desires and one day we will get our miracle child. xx

[Hollibob]

Sorry to hear this..not fair!!

It might be worth, when you feel stronger, to have a look at the access fertility website.

They work with different clinics and do DE refund packages if you complete all rounds and frozen cycles and don’t end up with a live birth, then depending on the package you paid for, there’s a % refund..

X

[honesuckle1 in reply to Hollibob]

Hi Hollibob, thank you and thank you so much for giving that info. Will definitely have a look. I hope where ever you are it's going well xx

[Hollibob in reply to honesuckle1]

We did our first round in January.

Had 11 eggs collected, 3 fertilised, 1 was transferred and none to freeze....got a positive and we are just over 17 weeks.

If you want to know any more specifics then happy for you to message me x

[honesuckle1 in reply to Hollibob]

Ah thank you and wow I hope it is going well, thank you for sharing xx

[Emma04]

I have nothing to add that’s not already been said but I just felt I wanted to say I’m so sorry that this has happened you must be feeling devastated. Take some time and then find out what your clinic says xxx

[honesuckle1 in reply to Emma04]

Thank you so much for your kind message Emma04. I hope wherever you are it is going ok xxx

[Rainbowhope]

Hiya. I also wanted to echo what others have said about a lot of clinics, especially in Europe, who make guarantees of a certain amount of embryos or your money back. This is not your fault. It's the clinics responsibility to make sure the donors are health. Nevertheless you must feel devastated and all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry.

[honesuckle1 in reply to Rainbowhope]

Hi Rainbowhope, aw thank you for so much your kind words and support. Yer we are still in a bit in shock at whats happened. I hope you are doing ok wherever you are in your journey xxx

[HopeTTC18]

So sorry to hear your story. It’s sounds very similar to our first cycle.

We used double donor. The sperm donor has fathered 6 babies and our egg donor had never donated before but has a natural child.

We had 6 eggs donated, only 1 fertilised. That egg made it to day 3 and they did a transfer then. I don’t know why your clinic risked taking your one egg to day 5? Most clinics would transfer on day 3 if there is only one. That’s certainly a question worth asking. We know the low fertilisation rate could not have been due to the sperm donor so we assume it was the egg donor.

We never got a real explanation from the clinic as in truth they won’t have one, just that sometimes two people are not compatible. Can I ask if your sperm donor is proven? Has he fathered other babies through the clinic?

It’s so devastating when a donor cycle ends up like this. I feel like we could have done better using my own eggs.

The clinic were very apologetic and because I was part of a 3 cycle package they offered me more eggs if available from the 2nd cycle.

We stuck with the same sperm donor and it’s proved the issue on the first cycle was with the egg donor as this time we got 13 eggs donated and 12 fertilised! We now have 3 embryos frozen and I’m due to have one transferred in a week.

The 3 embryos we have are still not great quality. Again you expect more from double donors but I guess it doesn’t always work that way. I just have to believe that over 3 transfers one of the 3 will stick.

We are using the access fertility 3 cycle refund program someone else has mentioned. Access fertility work with lots of clinics and I do recommend them. They don’t guarantee embryos. Not many clinics in this country will but you get a guaranteed number of eggs and a partial refund if you don’t have a live birth (not just a pregnancy) after 3 cycles. Thankfully for us we knew we had another 2 cycles. I can’t imagine how devastating it is for you to have paid for just that cycle and have that result. I wish you all the best. Feel free to message if you have any questions. Hugs x

[honesuckle1 in reply to HopeTTC18]

Hi HopeTTC18,

Thank you so so much for your support, really appreciate it, and for sharing some of your journey. Sorry to hear what you've gone through, its just so so tough. Yes you definitely expect better with DD. Completely get what you say about feeling could have done better with own eggs, both me and my husband keep saying this, we did this to take out the factors from both of us, but worse of, i had more embryos get further with my 3 then 45 yer old eggs.

We had a 3 cycle package plus extra one previously with my own eggs and that same sperm donor, before moving to DD route.

This was just a single cycle, we thought we would have ended up with at very least 3 or 4 viable embryos to use for cycles, but feels all that money has just gone, so will hoping and sending vibes through the universe for them to do right thing and refund at least some to retry. The clinic said in a month or 2, they should have a bit more info, they don't know yet if the sperm donor has been successful before so will find out, and the egg donor is a new one, so they are waiting to see how the recipient who received 6 eggs from the same egg donor gets on. (which makes me question ethics and feel very uneasy for her too but another story)

The day 5 transfer was the absolute right choice for me this time, one doctor had suggested to go Day 4. I had lengthy discussions with my doctor and embryologist who i trusted more and both explained different opinion and research ect, (as well as my own research) and both were of the opinion generally in this case, if it was going to make it, it would make it to day 5. I had a day 3 transfer with my own egg when it was deteriorating and i didn't want to put myself through that again, without knowing i had a actual developing embryo this time.

The fertility access sounds good, never heard of it before, really glad you have that in place. And i really really hope it works for you this time and also i hope out of your 3 embryos you get that positive with the other 2 embryos waiting for you too. Big hugs back to you xxx

[Cinderella5]

Im so sorry, Im not surprised that you are devastated! You expect better when you opt for DE/DS or both! Im doing DE cycles and although we have had excellent quality embryos we have had 3 transfers (5 embryos) and we got a BFP on last on but miscarried at 6wks. Its very difficult finding the strength and money to carry on. Sometimes eggs and sperm just dont go well together and there is no way of knowing beforehand however I would have thought that if the clinic thought there was a problem that they would offer you some kind of replacement cycle?! Perhaps that's what they meant from having more discussions and they would get back to you....or least that's what I would hope would happen! Some clinics offer a guarantee of a few blastocysts. Our clinic has always had good rates for us, we just struggled to get to a BFP! Big hugs.xx

[honesuckle1 in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you so much for your message and support Cinderalla5. I am so sorry to hear you miscarried at 6 wks, just awful to go through that.

I am hoping they will at least offer some part refund/retry, so we are desperately keeping our fingers crossed.

I am glad you have had good rates with your clinic, just seems so hard for everything to come together and work. But i hope where ever you are now in your cycles/ journey, it is your time now and i am wishing you the very best, big hugs back xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to honesuckle1]

Thanks so much for your kind words, it means a lot! I really hope you get some well deserved good news & soon!!xx

[honesuckle1]

H Star121,

Thanks you so much for your kind supportive message. I have never heard of that, and ive just done a quick research, is this something you have had experience of? xxx