Advice/support much needed!! 2nd round of icsi

[BlahBlah55]

Looking for words of encouragement or support as I’m getting ready for my second round and feeling really anxious and negative.

My background: Had first ICSI cycle in Feb. Only got 3 eggs, 1 wasn’t mature, 1 was fertilised but didn’t make it, 1 made it to a low grade blast and was transferred on day 5 but BFN. We have secondary infertility (after conceiving daughter no problems 3 years ago, plus I’ve had two from a previous relationship when I was a teenager, also no problems conceiving). We have been trying for another baby for 14 months now with two miscarriages in that time (one via natural conception, one via IUI ). We have mild male factor issues and I now have very low AMH, as I’ve turned 40 since trying. Doing IVF is a last ditch attempt to make sure we’ve tried absolutely everything as I’m not ready to give up.

We are getting ready to go again as we’ve paid for one of those 3 cycle packages. The doctor is putting me on a long protocol (did short last time) and changing meds to Synarel and menopur. Doc thinks changing things up might get me a few more eggs. I’ll be starting the down reg nasal spray next week. The meds are due to arrive today.

With the first cycle I was excited and hopeful, and it was actually very straight forward I didn’t have any side effects. But this time I just feel huge amounts of dread and anxiety.

Things I feel stressed about:

- I’ve read the synarel can cause people to have “artificial menopause” so I’m scared this means I’ll somehow go in to irreversible early menopause. I’m finding myself catastrophising about side effects on these new meds.

- I’m anxious about how long this is all going to take, it’s at least 4 weeks of meds - how will I manage work on top of this? If I take a week off work, when is best - after egg collection? after transfer? During stims?

- I’ve become obsessed with the idea of losing this current months cycle. I am due to ovulate in the coming days and the advice is to avoid pregnancy as you don’t want to be taking down reg medication and then find out you’re pregnant. But after trying every month for over a year I’m so worried about skipping a month what if this month might be my last perfect egg and we’re going to miss it. Should we throw caution to the wind and try naturally anyway incase we have a miracle pregnancy?

- Until this month, I’ve been able to stay positive each cycle and hopeful each month will be “my month”. But now I’ve lost all hope and just feel so fed up of getting let down month after month, I don’t know how to find that balance of hope vs pragmatism. This is especially the case as I’ve put my career on hold while trying for a baby so I’m staying in a job I am not happy in while I wait to get pregnant but this has been going on for over a year now.

- Ironically, im stressed about how stressed I am!! Everything says stress is detrimental to trying to conceive. I’ve started doing yoga relaxation videos before bed, but what else can I do?

Sorry for the long post, thanks to anyone who has read this far. I guess just writing this all out is therapeutic in itself. And hopefully some people in here can share some words of wisdom to help me through the next 6 weeks or so.

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

This is a very stressful journey you are on so I hope you have taken advantage of the counselling you should be offered while on treatment Also there is a charity British Infertility Counselling Association bica.net- this is not a free service but they are all specially trained in counselling people with fertility issues If unsure about your treatment protocol ask the clinic / nurse to explain it fully to you that might help with your stress levels

Take care of yourself

Janet- Partner

[BlahBlah55 in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thanks for your reply.

Yes my clinic includes councilling as part of the package. It’s just that feels different from hearing how others in a similar position have approached this difficult journey. I’ve found these forums very helpful so far for that.