Young niece asking if / when I will have children - advice pls

[Skittles11]

Hi ladies

My young niece (age 6) asked me if I have a child and if I will have a child and said she would really like some cousins to play with. She said she would like me and my husband to be a mummy and a daddy 💔

I realised I'm totally unprepared when it comes to answering these questions from children, I think it took me off guard and I didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying "maybe one day" and afterwards felt unhappy with my response. Especially as my nieces should have had a cousin by now but she never became earth side with us.

Has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?

I wondered if it would be a good idea to try and explain things in a child appropriate way as she is showing curiosity. Plus maybe an opportunity to help her learn that families come in different shapes and sizes and also sometimes it can be extremely hard to get the things we would like. But it would be how to approach it as she is only young and I do find it a challenging topic plus am a private person.

Thank you for any input xx

[MrsOrangejuice]

Oh Skittles, that's really hard. Could you speak to her parents and maybe they could start off the education as it's not really for you to do, and you may get upset which will make you feel worse. Kids innocently spot differences and are curious about anything which isn't entirely familiar to them - so asking why are you brown/white, why do you have to work when so an so's mummy doesn't, why can't I have a baby brother, why do you have two daddies... But if it's normal to them or they understand everyone's family and situation (and appearance!) is different, then it just settles. So maybe if she sees or spends time with more single people or couples without children, that will normalise it and just stop the questions, at least until she can understand a bit better. I'm sure there are also books about diverse families. And a want like that is so fleeting for them at that age - it will probably have been immediately replaced with when can I have an icecream - even though it stings you so much. x

[Babytocome]

Ohh Skitles11 something similar happened to me! I managed to say “we only can hope, only god knows” I don’t even know how I came up with that answer as I am not the most religious person but my friend kids after that steed asking me.

But honestly every family is different and I have not told to mine anything, maybe would be wise to ask your sister as I agree with you, families come in many ways!

[HopeOfYou]

If your niece likes 'Bluey', you can watch the Episode 'Onesies' together. Lots of hugs to you <3

[Boo718]

hiya how are you? We had this, my nieces were 10 and 11 when they became cousins. They used to ask us when they were about 6/7 and I’d say. Maybe one day but we just love having fun playing and spending time with you. Even now they don’t know about the ivf and why it took so long. But if they were to ask now I’d tell them. Xxx

[minnesota_girl]

My nephew asked me last mother's day if I had a nice day and what I got for mother's Day because he didn't understand why if I was a woman in the family (and one that took care of him) why I wasn't a mother. I told him I wasn't one yet. 💔Equally, I've told my SIL in the past that she's welcome to tell them that for some people they need extra help from doctors and others to be a mummy/daddy and that's what we're doing but we're still trying and it's not always easy. He's nearly 7.

[Krystal_43]

It’s a tough one, but I have a thing about always trying to explain adult stuff to kids if they ask, so I told my nieces (6 & 8) about my poorly tummy (at the time I’d just had my NK cells diagnosis) that makes it difficult for me to grow a baby there, and how the doctor is trying to help me. It really paid off when one of my SILs friends at a birthday party was like “and why don’t you have children?” (RUDE!) and my 8 year old old niece piped up about how I wanted one but my tummy struggled to grow one 🤣 the look on the adults’ faces was amazing and I hope I’ll never face an awkward conversation at my nieces birthday party again!

[Minniemouse88 in reply to Krystal_43]

What a great way to explain a difficult issue and how nice your niece was able to fight your corner totally without judgement x

[Krystal_43 in reply to Minniemouse88]

She’s a sassy feminist queen in the making (albeit one that’s obsessed with glitter, Disney & unicorns 🤣 but I’m hoping that will change over time).

[Minniemouse88]

Hi Skittles, I hope you are doing okay. It sounds like a difficult and very emotive situation for you. If I was in this situation I'd most likely ask her parents to start the education, first to save you the pain and also because they can manage the follow up questions if needed. Only you will know best though, you may feel more comfortable saying it your way. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it will be a valuable learning opportunity for your niece. Take good care xx