So how do I ask my partner if he still wants children?

[Gemlou27]

I have endometriosis and my right tube is stuck to my bowel i was sexually abused as a child and have now finished my abuse councilloing and I would like to start the planning of a child start Ivf process but I'm so scared of asking him and him saying no I don't know what to do i don't want out relationship to end we have been together for 10yrs but if he says no I know I want children its all ive ever wanted I'm so confused by it all I don't know how to ask I don't know what I'll do with the answer when I do ask I'm terrified. Thanks in advance x

[kelsbels88]

Hi Gemlou27

Didn’t want to read and run

Sadly can’t offer much advice other than to say that my hubby and I were together 10yrs before we got married but we didn’t know that I had endo until after we got married and I stopped the pill. We then found out I had this condition and that it has effected my fertility. I felt awful like I’d trapped him into a dream that won’t come true.

I think you just need to be honest and see where he is at, hopefully fingers crossed he’ll completely surprise you.

But I will send my love and wishes that all turns out well.

Xx

[Gemlou27 in reply to kelsbels88]

Thanks so much for sharing your experience and I really hope he does surprise me because I couldn't imagine my life without him in it but at the same time ever since I was 15 and found out I had issues down stairs I knew 1000% One day I would be a mother and I'm getting closer to 30 and now uve dealt with my past I want to start my future xxx

[Hidden]

I agree with oregan_k Hun. You need to be honest with him & tell him how you feel so you know what he wants for the future. Fingers crossed, he sees children as something he want's too & you can get the ball rolling. I would just explain that the Endometriosis could complicate things when it comes to having a family & you want to know where you stand. I know it's really scary but sometimes even if you don't get the answer you want your better off knowing. I remember saying to my husband ( before we were married ) that I needed to start to trying for a baby due to Endometriosis & my age. I was terrified but knew it had to be done. I'm one of the lucky ones & am now 28 weeks pregnant after IVF but it's taken us years to get here. Wishing you lots of luck. Xx

[Gemlou27 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for sharing and congratulations I'm so happy for you and your partner and I hope one day I can happily share with u me and my partner are in the same position but your both right I won't know unless I ask xx

[Hidden in reply to Gemlou27]

Wanted to add well done for dealing with your past too. That takes a great deal of strength. A dear friend of mine suffered sexual abuse as a child & only got help as she approached 50 & after a suicide attempt. You really do deserve a happy ending 😘 x

[Gemlou27 in reply to Hidden]

Oh thank u so much its been an emotional day and that was enough to bring me to tears! I'm glad your friend got help I was abused by my father and as a child I was confused angry hurt and could never truly deal with it and at one point thought I was doing fine and I "thought" it wasn't bothering me but there only so long you can put on a brave face and pretend you've dealt with it so I'm glad I finally took the steps but yeah for me it took a major breakdown and diagnosis of borderline personality disorder that made me realise I hadn't ever dealt with it but thank you I am lucky I have an amazing partner and he knows all about my past so he's been great I think this only makes it harder the thought he wouldn't want children with someone broken xxx

[Hidden]

I was only with my partner 2 years and I kept bringing up if he want a child he has to make a decision as I was 36 I never expected to have any more when I spilt with my husband. He wasn’t that bothered I was happy with either decision then said one day we should do weve been ttc for 15 mths and have had 2 mmc.

Has your partner in the past said he didn’t want children? people change maybe he just wants u to be happy and is waiting for your lead.

[Gemlou27 in reply to Hidden]

He said he wanted children and then I had a major breakdown and got diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder this was 4yrs ago now and since then I've been put on the right meds and had sexual abuse councilling but when I had my breakdown we had an argument to which he told me "He wanted children just not sure if he wants them with me because of my illness" and I know it was in the mist of an argument but now I've finished my councilling and I'm closer to 30 I know I want to start my life but I'm terrified that's possibly how he really feels x

[Hidden in reply to Gemlou27]

People say thing they don’t really mean after we had our first miscarriage we both didn’t know how to deal with it I cried on and off randomly it was hard he seemed ok but then started to act abit quiet then just wanted to leave and said were not having a baby was past not going to happen. I felt crushed he stayed at his mothers one night came back apologised and then it came out how he really felt and was abit depressed his Mam had Alzheimer’s and finds it hard to deal with. We’ve had another mc since and he has admitted he was feeling really down again but we’ve dealing emotionally better.

Just ask how he feels about trying for a baby either way you can make a decision from that he has stuck by you going through your illness it must have been really tough for both of you.

[Gemlou27 in reply to Hidden]

Your right he's been amazing through my illness and even when I had my councilling he was there for me 100% he's my best friend he also suffers with depression along side me illness it can be difficult at times. my emotions are unpredictable on a daily basis and he deals with it he's my rock I know I've just got to ask but I think I'm so terrified of the answer not being what I want I'm scared to even ask xx