One of my bosses has only just realised my mental state!
I’m happy she has but at the same time it’s not nice to hear you aren’t doing your job like you used to.
One question was “What’s made you like this?”
My answer in my head was a lot different to the one I gave, through my sobbing.
I was sobbing that hard I don’t think I could have talked about our infertility as I would have broke even more. I kept it work related but implied that my world has been torn apart by all this and sometimes you just can’t leave it at the door.
I dread the day of this getting worse.
A friend at work said you never know how the mind is affecting your body and it’s true, it’s a hinder.
I’ve felt numb over the last few weeks and slowly slowly things have piled on top and I’ve had to let it all out.
I’ve had kids in my class today sharing photos of their baby siblings.
A new born under my nose as I saw them off to their parents. One kid said “Miss do you want come see my baby cousin.” My reply was a straight “No.” how awful am I?
Truth is I won’t be able to be that person I was until we get some luck. There’s no justice in my mind at the moment. Why am I looking after everyone else’s children everyday and can’t have my own?
I’m considering a new job but then worry I will get pregnant and not have the entitlements of Mat leave etc.
Sorry to moan again but I just don’t know how much more I can give!
I don’t want to be signed off until I really have to be! 😢
Written by
PurpleLove19
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I am completely with you here. I am a teacher to 5 and 6 year olds. I have not yet lost it at work, but today was incredibly hard. Only a handful of people at work know about my situation. Sometimes, I feel like I should just blurt it out and tell everyone that I feel like shit and if I'm doing a shit job, there's a reason for it. On the other hand, I'm scared to tell people as I don't want them to keep asking me how I am, pass judgement or tread on egg shells around me. I quite like work to be my place of normality where I can pretend life is ok. If only just for a minute.
I considered staying home today but thought I'd just spend the day crying. At least if I was at work, I could distract my mind. We're all different though and I think that we do what we can to make ourselves feel 'ok'.
I have booked a counselling appointment through our clinic, do you have that option? Perhaps it may be an idea?
On the whole, life is crap right now. I cannot think past tomorrow at the moment.
I feel your pain and send you love and strength. But nothing can fix this right now. Apart from the obvious, but we all know it's not that easy! Xxx
There are days that are okay and days like today where I need to be away from people.
Our clinic are not much use at the moment as they are waiting for our funding to pass so not technically patients with them yet.
Life is shit and like you say one day at at time. Can’t make plans too far away and just take each day as it comes. Awful way to live but it’s just how the mind gets you. X
As a fellow teacher I feel your pain - especially about looking after other people's children... And then you feel so bitter and guilty for thinking that way. 💕💕 thinking of you... And don't let anyone make you feel like you're not doing a good enough job. Teaching is incredibly hard and draining and that coupled with fertility issues is breaking point for even the toughest.
I spoke to my principal about my fertility issues and she was and is incredibly supportive. She actually disclosed having suffered two miscarriages before having her own children. It was refreshing to see that human side. Xx
My best friend said to me that the summer term cracks the best of teachers up let alone people like us.
Im starting to just think it’s not fair on these children having a bitter teacher.
My bosses are quite understanding and would never say no to appointments etc. Never asked to see a letter to prove just said yes. I feel I need a long weekend and tell them I’ve got an appointment last minute- I wouldn’t dare but it sounds better than “I need a me day.” My luck would have it that they would ask to see a letter.
I completely know how you feel. I work in a nursery with 1-2yr olds and I’m having to now deal with this all being too much for me and the parents now falling pregnant with their next child and watching bumps slowly get bigger. I am not coping on the inside but outside (somehow) I’m a face of calm. I am debating a new job it’s that bad for me. I have even started seeing a councellor to try and help me.
So don’t feel alone, you aren’t and I’m here if you want a listening ear Xx
I think if we get to that point where we know it’s never going to happen a new job is first on my list although I’ve said to my husband I need to move away- abroad x
It hurts doesn't it when you really want something and you can't have it and you feel that growing families are shoved in your face at every turn as it always does when you have lost out on something the thing you lost out on appears to be in your face at every turn and you feel like it pops up out of cracks in the pavement just to upset you if that makes any sense.
So sorry to hear this Dace, infertility is so hard. I was really struggling too at work, they forced me to pick a baby name for the sweepstake for a pregnant couple in the office. They put my name down without even asking me and they knew what I was going through. This girl was heavily pregnant and sat next to me so everyday since she announced it’s been baby talk. After my failed transfer, I couldn’t face going in so been signed off for a couple of weeks and it’s really helped me mentally. I’ve started to have reflexology, downloaded the app headspace and doing 3 mins of yoga. Being kind to yourself is the most helpful thing I’ve found and I feel a lot better emotionally. She has gone off on mat leave now, the names will still be in my face until she has the baby, hoping it doesn’t set me back when I return on Monday. Stay strong, you can do this xx
I feel you... I'm a midwife attending births and new families every day at work... But the hardest at work is actually when my colleagues get pregnant and have their babies... And I'm sort of left behind that train... again...
This is not a competition about who is facing the toughest situations at work ❤ We're all facing our struggles and challenges where we are, making the best of it in every situation ❤ And being a teacher for small children... For me that's huge! I could never, even without this infertility issue surrounding my life! So I have no doubts whatsoever that you could need a day or sime weeks off when reality hits you at it's hardest... Stay strong! Take courage! Surround yourself with good, kind people of trust with whom you can talk freely about these things! You should chose someone to be those if you haven't already done it ❤ And eventually the wound will hurt a little less... It might take some time, but it will... I'll pray for you that you will have the strength to keep up your good work with the children that you do love (even if you might need a break to process things once in a while) - and that you will see your family becoming complete one day ❤❤❤
Certain jobs are so much harder to deal with daily when we are going through this. I was a midwife and gave it up and am a health visitor now... To be honest that's not much better! I hear you and I know how agonising it is. Stay strong as you can and your time with come. Keep believing that xxx
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BFP for our miracle baby
Scan - not great news
OH taken away my hope 😢 
