Last minute nerves about donor egg cycle 😣

[NemoFish]

I’m due to start a new IVF cycle, this time using donor eggs on my next period, which will be this weekend. There was no wait whatsoever for my donor, we only picked one three weeks ago, and now the reality is starting to set in. I know the chances are so much higher than my own eggs, but I’m terrified of this not working, more than I was on my other cycles.

My donor is 22. There are already two other women pregnant with eggs from her first donation. I’m so scared of getting my hopes up. I know Im mentally preparing for it to fail. I think in all reality if this doesn’t work, it may be the end of the road. I’m completely broke and the likely hike in our mortgage rate of at least £700pcm next year will mean there is no spare money for trying and failing to make babies. It’s all so painfully unfair.

There’s no real point to this post. I just keep finding myself crying, mainly through expecting the worst. I don’t think I expected it all to move so quickly either, I’m glad that it has, but it’s taking some adjusting to at high speed as well. I really don’t know how I’ll cope if this doesn’t work. I feel like my hormones are already shot to pieces and I’ve not even started my jabs yet 😭😭

[Ms_here]

Hi @Nemofish,

I'm in a similar situation, currently recovering from open myomectomy and realise that I won't have extra additional money coming in when my mortgage rate increases next year- again an extra £600-700 a month. Its really unfair, I had a good cry this morning.

I'm thinking I will have to take out a loan and despite all the financial risks there is no guarantee. I'm guessing there are lots of other people on the journey who are in a similar position as us, thrown all life savings at attempts with our own eggs, only to face failure and potential financial ruin.

I really hope it works out for you, got my fingers and toes crossed for you.

[NemoFish in reply to Ms_here]

Thank you, I need to take positivity from others! I’m not sleeping for worrying about money at the moment. I just never thought I’d find myself in this situation xx

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Just wanted to wish you good luck with your treatment Quite natural to be feeling as you are at the minute - just take a breath and take the treatment cycle a step at a time If ever unsure of anything remember to ask questions

Thinking of you

Janet-Partner

[NemoFish in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thank you 💙💙 x

[Millbanks]

Oh love, I can totally understand why you feel so worried.

It's nerve wracking at the best of times but I'm sure you feel like this is a final shot (although it may not be) and that is always so hard to process.

I think it's totally fine to not get your hopes up. I spent most of my FETs not getting my hopes up and I do think it helped with the mental preservation. It's not to say you can't be hopeful but preparing for the worst is sometimes the best thing to do.

I also just tried to embrace the madness and the worry - there was nothing I could do about it so I just let it happen - I made myself a 2ww calendar and opened something nice each day - this really helped to take the edge off. I chose something really nice for test day and that helped a bit too. I also did quite a lot of very chilled yoga - mainly to help keep me calm - I even started listening to rainforest sounds - haha - but it all helped a little bit.

Sending you a massive hug xxx

[NemoFish in reply to Millbanks]

I really like this idea- soon as I know when my TWW will be I’m going to put a list together. Never thought of it before!! Xx

[Nane22]

Aw hey hun.. just wanted to say you can do this! Look how far you’ve come and everything you’ve overcome. This is one step closer to your dream and I know this whole fertility journey can sometimes be sooo long and then suddenly be so fast that it can feel like you’ve been dropped into the ocean and trying to swim with the fast current but you’re stronger than you know. It’s great news that your donor has had success with her eggs 🥰 I’m really excited for you! sending you hugs xx

[NemoFish in reply to Nane22]

Thank you! Our donors success record played a bit part in choosing her, I must have read her details a thousand times. I have a letter from her that can be given to any children her eggs may conceive, and it makes me cry every time I read it x

[Skittles11]

Hey lovely

I understand your feelings and anxieties. Also considering how things have moved along very quickly for you it must suddenly feel very real and scary. I can only wish you bags of luck and say that whatever happens you will be okay. I am here rooting for you xx

[NemoFish in reply to Skittles11]

It definitely it scary! I think I was so set up for a longer wait going down the donor route this has really swept me off me feet and suddenly it’s very real. It’s a huge boost to know others are here and understanding, so thank you xx

[Elsidee11]

You’ve been through so much, the feelings you have are so normal. But you’ve got this, you really have! I have everything crossed for you and will be thinking of you. I understand the financial pressure so much, our mortgage also went up this year by £600 and we’re now using our savings for treatment - life throws so many twists and turns but we always do come out the other end, and you will too, whatever happens. Thinking of you and I hope this is it xx

[NemoFish in reply to Elsidee11]

Thank you, if I was reading my post but written by someone else I know I would tell them it’s normal too, but when it’s yourself it’s so easy to lose sight of it all! I feel sick with anxiety all the time. If I had more than about £2 to my name I’d be booking a holiday 😆 x

[Lana2009]

Awww is such a difficult time!! And that is soooo quick! Have you had your DE counselling? Our clinic had open access to counselling at any time… maybe you could chat to someone about your worries?

One of the great things about a DE cycle is that you shouldn’t need jabs!! It should all just be oestrogen and progesterone tablets 🙂 what protocol are you on?

How many embryos do you have from your donor? It’s never a guarantee that donor eggs will work first time, which is really hard! Unfortunately mine didn’t work until the third time. But I do know lots of people who have had such luck!

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you

Xx

[NemoFish in reply to Lana2009]

Our eggs are frozen, they are just in quarantine at the moment and will be ‘released’ next week. The clinic has a 99% thaw rate so I’m trying to be optimistic. I will be down regulating because my cycles are so messed up and on Prednisolone, lubion and clexane again, so no escaping the needles unfortunately! Maybe part of me needs to get back on the jabs, it almost feels like that’s the bit I can control. It’s making me feel so ill and anxious 😣😣 x

[Hopecontinues]

Hi,I just wanted to say that what you are feeling is completely normal. IVF is a money pit. I can't believe how much money I've wasted that could have reduced my mortgage instead. I know this is difficult, but try to focus on this round, your health and mental health because this could be your time.

I'd never had a positive test before and then I changed clinics, used donor eggs and am now 35 weeks pregnant. People had stopped asking how I was getting on with IVF, I'd hardly told anyone about the round, I'd run out of money and will power. I still can't quite believe it.

Please, please be kind to yourself, try to distract yourself and not think about what happens if it doesn't work. You'll figure out the next step if you have to. Sending you a ton of baby dust. X

[NemoFish in reply to Hopecontinues]

Thank you, I really needed to read this! I really need to get a grip, it’s just so hard. This round has pushed us past the £30k mark now, it’s a very difficult fact to swallow. I’ve lost almost all of my friends over the last few years where I’ve drifted away as they’ve gone on to have children, and it gets very lonely. There’s so many things I want to be able to do and my life is just on hold, especially financially. Be good to just drive to work and not cry the whole way for a start! Congratulations on your pregnancy too, wishing you all the best! Xx

[Missionofendo]

So sorry for your stressful time

But please know we are all feeling the exact same thing despite what part of the journey we are on.

Your not alone.

Your feeling’s a worries and concerns we all share.

Just know each day whilst the worry is the Same we can feel abit different.

Today is a bad day tomorrow May feel lighter.

Try and breath and think of positive things in your life as it may help the mood lift.

I know I’ve been feeling absolutely shit trying to make the decision myself and my period came so the worries and tears came too.

We all know stressful times impact everyone and everything but especially this time.

Go for a walk go it to nature because you need time out.

We stand with you

C x

[Boo718]

how you are feeling is how soo many others are. You’re not alone. It’s a big step loving to donor and all your hopes and dreams are that it will work. I’m really hopeful for you. We moved on to donor to and finally got our little girl you can do this xxx

[Beingamum23]

I agree it is all so unfair, but from very personal experience I have taught myself to have a 'why not me' mentality when it comes to adversity. Its so hard to live in the moment during the IVF journey - I know this from my own daughter. Be kind to yourself.