Hi All
We have just been recommended donor egg IVF due to my age (44). Life sucks...met my husband at 35, tried to have kids no luck due to my husbands health at the time. Failed IVF at 40. Now my husband is 100% fit and healthy...which is amazing but now I am too old and odds are against us, despite good AMH for my age. So donor eggs it is. Has anyone else been through this? I’m also looking at whether I go with access fertility on a finance package or not? Help please
Hi Boltonk, I don't have any advice for you but I wanted to send you a hug since your early story echo's mine. I met the love of my life at 34 and we fell in love and started trying for babies...18 months later and nothing had happened. We get tested and I come back as normal but hubby has zero sperm. Zip. Nada. Then began a year of trying everything to get him to produce sperm...meanwhile I was getting older and we still "apparently " don't have enough sperm to make the odds of natural conception good. So onto IVF!
I get how unfair the situation is. I really do. And it's really awful that you've had such a long and sucky journey to get here. I definitely suggest a package. Our first cycle with three awesome AA embabies failed. Most likely due to chromosomal abnormalities. So we were gearing up for the next cycle already and budgeting we'd probably need at least another cycle after that or more! Most clinics seem to feel that 3 cycles is the magic number to hopefully get yourself a baby 🤰 I do not have experience with DE but it was already on my radar since I was not getting younger...and incredibly unfair by-product of waiting for hubby's health to improve. But please keep trying naturally while doing all the waiting that is such a HUGE and painful part of IVF. Despite all odds, we fell pregnant naturally in April...and I never ever thought I could be pregnant so only took a test when my period was 2 weeks late!! That's how low our odds were.
So biggest, biggest hugs and best wishes! This journey is rough bit you're already a seasoned warrior! Xx
I had natural pregnancy at 38 or so miscarried 13 wks put things on hold for wedding then nothing happened after trying for a while had investigations and my AMH was 0.007 or something so was recommended to go with Donor Egg IVF. Decided on abroad complete anonymity no wait lists and cost which was £5k including ICSI Storage Flights and weeks Accommodation. We were so lucky it worked first attempt and I became a mum at almost 43. She’s my world and I’m happy to discuss anything x
Congratulations that’s such fabulous news x I have heard a number of people go abroad. Did you have any issues bonding?
She’s like a tattoo always on me always together always mummy’s girl dad goes mad think he’s quite jealous of our relationship for want of a better word she’s 9 now my world and it was no brainer for me I never had any concerns x
Ah, I’m so sorry to hear this. It is such a process of grief for what has seemingly come so easily to others and could have happened for you had the timing been different. That really resonates with me. I’m afraid I don’t have experience with Access Fertility but just wanted to let you know that for me opting for donor eggs is helping to bring a very difficult journey to a (hopefully) happy ending.
I met my husband at 40 and we started trying for a baby within 9 months. I had good AMH for my age (12) so when we didn’t have success we were encouraged to try seven rounds of medicated cycles and then four of ICSI. Poor DH even went through surgery to try to get good sperm but all to no avail. In the meantime, my eggs weren’t getting any younger 😑 AMH really gives you no info. about egg quality. Our 5th cycle with donor sperm (when I was 43) produced two 5AA embryos but these failed PGS testing. After a lot of counselling we bit the bullet and switched to double donor, but there were problems with the lab and we got no embryos at all. We just had to give double donor one more try! I’m now 9 weeks pregnant from a 4AA embryo and (fingers crossed!) everything has gone so smoothly so far.
I’m 45, so if this had this been our own genetic embryo, I would have been wracked with anxiety about miscarriage but knowing our two donors were in their early 20s has made the whole experience so much more joyful. You won’t come around to the idea of donor eggs overnight (and that’s completely normal) but we just kept focusing on what would give us the best chance of a “take home baby” and this option is really helping us. I really hope it can do the same for you. xx
Thank you so much FluffyPink for your message and for sharing your journey and congratulations on your pregnancy x that has really helped me get into perspective as I kept thinking ‘but what if my own eggs work’ despite knowing the low likelihood...head vs. Heart. It is also the emotion and financial strain, but mainly getting your hopes up but knowing that it is unlikely to work. We are going to go for it with a donor, I think my emotions will be all over the show. Thanks so much for your inspiration xxx
Thank you, Boltonk. Really glad I could help 🙂Even my doctors seemed very attached to the idea of me using my own eggs, so it was not an easy transition to make! I hope you can find a really good fertility counsellor whom you click with. That’s really helped us. Plus join Donor Conception Network if you can - loads of helpful info and support. Please let us know how you get on 🥰
Hey lovely - you have just written my life! I met my OH at 36, we’ve been trying ever since, 6 rounds of own eggs ivf all fresh rounds, actually managed to get pregnant 6 times in total but never past 9 1/2 weeks (3 ivf 3 natural) and now we’ve been told to move to donor
My head is scrambled most days but occasionally I have clarity, add to this my younger sister has a 3 year old and a 3 week old - oh by the way I am 44 too and can’t get my head around my egg age versus my mental/ physical age
I could write an essay here but might be easier to PM if you want to? xx
Happy to PM...we are in similar boats! Yes...my mental age definitely doesn’t match my egg age!! Lol 😂 so hard, seems like the harder we try the more people around me are getting pregnant!
Hey there, I too can identify here, I met my DH at 36 naively thought I still had time we got married 2 yrs later started trying for a baby and nothing by the time we got referred I was almost 40. Initially DH found to have low motility so ivf recommended - so got 1 round of ivf - on my side - few follicles 8 and to quote my consultant my amh just scraped through! Any we got 4 eggs, 3 fertilized , 2 went onto 5 days blasts 5Ab and a 4Ac 1 Fresh transfer - failed and 1 FET failed. I was expecting to go for another round of IVF when the consultant bluntly said actually no problem with hubby’s sperm as it was motility and can use Icsi but basically it would be due to the fact my eggs were too old - at 41 it felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth he suggested we can try again but it would most likely fail but our choice however he said to think re donar. At first I was no way we try again- we were due to go abroad as cheaper and often better fertility rates but then covid! In the end after counselling and talking with my OH we decided to have donar treatment over here. Do I feel sometimes we should have given my eggs one more go - yes! But when your told less then 5% chance and the anguish and heartbreak that goes with that verses at 50% chance with donar - we decided that if we want the best chance of a live birth thrn this was the best option for us. We have chosen the donar , which actually wasn’t as hard as I thought it might be. I do have moments of have we done the right thing/ of it works - will I bond / will the child be upset to learn they err donar etc etc - hence waking up in the night and overthinking!! Lol and here I am at 3am. But think that’s also as the treatment is looming and I’m praying that our chosen eggs give us the family that we do desperately want and we finally get to have a child of our own. If you want to chat then just reach out, what ever you decide I wish you the best of luck on your journey xx
I’m 38 and now have my 5 month old little miracle girly through DE. She is my everything and I’m so please DE worked for us. I did use Access Fertility as wasn’t going to be able to afford to try more than once so wanted to make sure I had as many attempts as possible for my money. As it was I got extremely lucky and it worked first time. We only ended up with the fresh Trf and have no Frosties so if it hadn’t access would have been a godsend. As it is we paid a premium for it working first time but I couldn’t care less I have my princess and I can’t put a price on that 🥰
Good luck with your journey and I hope you have the success we did 🤞😊
Which clinic did you go through? Just found out that access fertility don’t do the donor package through our clinic!
I have PM’d you x
Congratulations that’s great news xxx
Hi there, I'm the same, got married at 36 and we waited a little while as my husband didn't want to rush into kids wanted us to have time for us together. Started trying at 39, fell pregnant easily and naturally first month and lost it at 11 weeks 💔
Since then we tried for two years and nothing. Three rounds of IVF (last one ICSI) and we've made the decision to move to donor eggs. I'm now 41, almost 42.
I've struggled with some of society's perception of donor eggs as we move forward, but we know this will be the best chance for us and I wonder sometimes if it's just something hardwired biologically in us that we feel our own eggs make us more a mother but I know from people's stories that this simply isn't true. And you'll love your child fiercely and they will be 💯 yours.
I'm about to start a donor cycle with my younger sister, hopefully next month. We're just doing all the tests etc now.
Best of luck to you and always happy to chat 💕
Thanks so much for your message and completely agree. Best of luck with your cycle. Xx
We’ve had three rounds 2 of our own and 1 donor round.
I’m 41 now and my husbands 59. My sister who’s 30 donated to us.
We didn’t have a package, it was decided this is our last go, if it doesn’t work then we have to accept that’s it.
I’m currently 11 weeks + 5 not out the woods yet and praying we make it to the 12 week mile stone.
The donor journey was an easy family decision to make, we just see it as no different to a blood transfusion, bone marrow transplant or organ donation.
All someone’s doing is donating a ball of cells, it’s you creating a child!
Good luck
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