sensitive - surgery, infertility, mentions other people’s pregnancy

[Motherofrabbits]

My husband and I have been desperate for a baby for 8 years, however, I, unfortunately, have not had a period for 13 years, three of which I was on contraception. It just never came back.

Shortly after coming off of contraception, I was diagnosed with PCOS. By this time I was 18 and had not long met my husband, we weren’t sure what it meant for us but we weren’t too worried. We are now as we have been together for 10 years, I am 28 and no sign of a period or ovulation in all of that time.

I have also had dermoid cysts on my ovaries, consistently, for 14 years. I have had many surgeries to remove them, the most recent being 7 weeks ago, but they just keep coming back. My surgeon advised me to have a baby asap as the cysts will come back and they don’t think they’ll be able to save my ovaries next time.

We see our consultant in September for a referral to fertility to try and start treatment, however, I am overweight and trying hard to lose but it isn’t easy due to PCOS, so I’m concerned our referral will be denied and I am scared we’re running out of time.

Since my surgery 7 weeks ago my hormones have been very unstable, it almost feels as though I’m going through puberty again! I am hoping that this is a good thing and they are trying to regulate themselves but the way it’s making me feel is no fun at all. I’m always sad and I really don’t like feeling this way.

To top it all off, my best friend and friends of my husband and I are both pregnant, due within a few weeks of each other and as happy as we are for them, I find myself trying to avoid them as it is so difficult. I generally avoid pregnant women, my own sister included, as the physical heartache and emotional pain is too much to take, however, I don’t want to do that this time, I don’t want to lose my best friend so I’m just marching through the misery.

I can’t say we’ve been actively trying, as there really wouldn’t be any point as I don’t ovulate at all. I have recently started taking some supplements to try and help the PCOS but I’m not holding out much hope as nothing has helped in the past.

I’m in a very difficult place emotionally and the physical symptoms are no fun at all. I want to be alone all the time and I think it’s because I feel so alone in this. I know I’m not the only one in the world but nobody I know understands, other than my husband but he has a lot more hope than I do.

The physical symptoms are very similar to the pregnancy symptoms my best friend is experiencing, I’m definitely not pregnant, so that makes it all the more difficult.

I’m very grateful to have found this group as it has helped me to realise that I’m not alone, there are, unfortunately, people who understand ♥️

[Queg]

Hi Motherofrabbits,

So sorry to hear you are going through this. A lot of us on here know the pain of other people's pregnancies and children. I wish I can help and provide some solace. All I can suggest if if you search the forum for posts with your specific situation you may be able to get advice of strategies to deal with what you're going through, the PCOS, weight, dealing with others' pregnancies etc. and see if anything might work for you? At the very least it can open up some possible strategies, you can have some kind of plan for the future and feel more in control.

As for your friend they only want the best for you, maybe explaining that, sorry if you seem withdrawn, you are going through a lot and just need some alone time for your mental health, that might work? A true friend may offer help, but be understanding and not demand to know what it is. It might give you some breathing space at least.

Sorry for what you are going through.

[ttcsolomummytobe]

Hey, firstly sorry to hear of the difficult time with lack of period and cysts, it's not something I have experience with so cannot comment.I did 3 IUIs last year and just as my first one failed my best friend called to say she was pregnant, well actually asked me what the pregnancy test 2-3weeks meant! I was so supportive on the call but it was heartbreaking as I didn't even know they were trying and she openly said weeks before she didn't want a baby yet.

Regarding your friends I think it's important to put your needs first but ty not to shut down and cut them out, maybe simply say "we are busy at the moment" "we need some time to ourselves" or even "I'm happy for you but some topics are a little too close to home at the moment".

My friend was very aware of my IUIs and we did have words a month later about how that initially call impacted me, yet I understand she was in shock and we made an agreement that if one said something which upset the other then we would be honest and agreed it better to open than not talk and it feel like there is an elephant in the room.

I had to remind myself that her pregnancy didn't impact / slow down or stop my journey, mine was unfortunately a longer and more bumpy road.

She has since had her baby and there have definitely been comments during pregnancy and since that I've wanted to shake the hell outta her for and a few I have stopped and pulled her up on. Yet I think she could tell me everything was Rosey or everything was sh*t and I would still feel an emotion - jealousy/anger/think she's ungrateful. These next words may sound hash but my counsellor said them to me when I was upset about the situation "the friends pregnancy is not about me and what I don't have, it's about her and the route she has gone down to get pregnant will shape how she deals with it". After that I stopped feeling so much resent/hate towards her, I mean in glad she's not had to go through the difficulties of Infertility and didn't wanna steal from her happy moment, even if I didn't feel like she was always grateful or jumping for joy. We express ourselves differently.

I hope you manage you find things that being you joy during this had time, I say this as I know during my IUIs I totally lost who I was in many ways, I've recently started IVF and have done everything I can to be me and still be doing things. Sending big hugs x

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Hey sorry just a quick note, its worth trying artichoke extract. Maybe do.some reading about it. I starred taking it to balance hormones and then fell prefnamt naturally after failed ivf. Good luck xx