*Sensitive - mentions miscarriage* Feeling lost after miscarriage and what next steps are 💔

[Sarah_a_2018]

Hi, been a while since I posted, our third round of IVF to have our second baby gave us our longed for BFP and from Feb this year we were having our second baby ❤️

My waters broke at 18 weeks pregnant and I went into labour the next day and delivered our precious baby boy. He was perfect, looked so much like his dad and big sister and we are heartbroken that our pregnancy ended this way 💔

We are taking time to heal while we wait for an appointment with our clinic, we only had 1 embryo from our last cycle that was our precious boy. We’re waiting on post mortem results that might explain why this happened.

I’m grieving the loss of my baby, our future with him, but I want to stay hopeful that our daughter and now our son will have a sibling that gets to come home. I can’t stand the waiting, the waiting for my period, waiting for appointments, waiting for answers.

Feeling so frustrated and angry and just broken, I’m scared to try and scared not to, not sure I have it in me to do more treatment but my husband and I both want another baby enough that we’re willing to try.

I just don’t know where to go from here, we have been taking our supplements, I’m trying to do everything we can to give us our best chance when we try again 🙏🏻

Has anyone been in a similar situation or had a similar experience?

[kattie22]

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I am currently also trying for a 2nd baby. Had a failed FET. Going to try for next FET soon. When the last one failed, I also started thinking lots - what could have gone wrong and what did I do wrongly etc

[Jess1981]

I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful baby boy. To lose at that point is unbearable loss like no other. You think after 12 weeks pregnant you should be in the safe zone but not always sadly 😭I had a loss at 20 weeks pregnant in November 2020 with our second daughter Amelia. We found out that she had no heartbeat at our 20 weeks scan to say we were shocked would be a massive understatement. Anyway we had our eldest daughter Francesca who was only 17 months old when we lost Amelia and she gave us the strength to keep going. After losing Amelia we started TTC after the next period which arrived 6 weeks later. We had 2 miscarriages we conceived our youngest daughter Eliza who turned 2 in February. She arrived on 16th and we found out Amelia died 16 th November she was definitely sent for us by Amelia 😍We’ve so far lost our dear Amelia and had 6 miscarriages ( 3 after trying again after having Eliza) but we have 2 beautiful girls who are our world. My nerves were awful when I was having Eliza and I still really miss Amelia and always will ( the other losses aren’t even same league as that) when I lost her I didn’t even know how I would live without her but with time I am living a good life with my family but I will always remember Amelia nearly 4 years on and it still at times hurts like hell.we never got any answers why she just does suddenly. I can still cry and fall down in tears thinking of her but mostly I am much better than I was as in time you will be too. I hope you have plenty of good support and I’m sure your daughter will help you navigate this unbearable loss. I am truly sorry you are going through this it’s the worst thing that has happened to me losing my daughter. We had a photo framed professionally done hung up in lounge at Christmas we put fairy lights on her and she will always remembered and part of our family forever Xx there is light in time Xx you don’t need to make decisions just yet, just trying to live is enough right now. For us trying again gave us hope of having another baby but some people need more time. There is no wrong or right here whatever feels best for you Xx

[Honey328]

Hi Sárah, 2 weeks ago I lost my baby in 38 weeks . His heartbeat just stopped. I didn't feel his movements. Everything was so fast that when they couldn't find his heartbeat I knew it it's over. No symptoms, everything was perfect though the whole pregnancy and here you go. I'm on maternity without the baby. It's a lot to handle it. I'm waiting for results what happened what was wrong . To find out I have to wait from 6-12 month. This is the story but I can't believe it's mine. On this stage I think I could write good book about myself. That was my third transfer wit healthy baby boy . I did pgt-a test , endometrial scratch and we were so happy that we made it after 5 years of trying. Now until the end of pregnancy you can't be sure you gonna have a baby. I'm telling to myself I can't change the past but I can change the future staying strong, deal how to control your minds and feelings. Learn how to deal with the pain. So yes it's more of us.

[CyclingAddict in reply to Honey328]

There are no words. I'm just incredibly sorry. Thinking of you and your little boy x

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to Honey328]

I am so sorry for your loss 💔 I hope you are being supported through this difficult time xx

[Twiglet2]

I’m so so sorry 😢 thinking of you and your family xx

[MammaMia86]

I am so sorry about your loss. I completely understand you, my water broke too and in my case it was on week 17. how difficult it is to explain the horror that it is to leave through that experience. In my case it was 2 years ago, and I finally got pregnant again....the only thing that I am hoping it is that everything goes well this time and to have a healthy baby. By sharing this with you, I just want you to know that there is hope....I always believe that there is hope for all of us here.

When they did the post mortem they couldn't find any reasons for the water breaking. I did this new cycle in a new clinic and they insisted a lot on me seeing a fertily immunologist. The doctor send me some blood test + my history, and she considered that I have some autoinmune problem (I cannot remember the name) but I am taking some medication, which seems to have finally work.

Take your time with the recovery, focus on your family and the good things in your life😘

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to MammaMia86]

Thank you for giving me hope ❤️ I am so sorry for your loss xx

[Eternalwarrior]

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy and my heart is broken for you xxxx I lost my baby boy James as well at around 18 weeks in 2019 and had 4 other miscarriages and I know losing a baby is the worst, saddest and hardest thing that I have ever gone through in my entire life xxx We welcomed a miracle rainbow baby 2 years ago and I truly believe he was sent by my angel baby/ his older brother. He gave us the strength to keep going and doing so many treatments. We had to have hope and just kept going xx I still think of my son James every single day and I wonder what he would be like... he would have turned 5 this month. Your baby boy will always be in your hearts and thoughts but with time things get a bit 'easier', although he will always be remembered and loved. Sending you lots of love your way and strength and if there is anything I can do to help you or if you need to chat, please feel free to PM me xxxxxx

[Sarah_a_2018 in reply to Eternalwarrior]

Thank you for sharing your story, I am so sorry for your losses xx

[WHeatherW]

Wow, I am in absolute tears reading all of your stories here. I'm just so so sorry this has happened. I cannot imagine the pain as I have never been pregnant myself, but I just wanted to give you the biggest hug. Lots of love xx