missed miscarriage

[Sper]

hi all. Yesterday I found out that my baby heart beat stopped at 8w5d. I should be 9w4d. I had a scan at 7w2d and everything was looking good. I knew inside that something was wrong although I did not have any symptoms, that’s why I’ve arranged a private scan before the 12 weeks that was already planned. I can’t stop crying since yesterday, I cannot forget the picture of the little one not moving. I do not know if I feel more sad or angry at myself for making plans, imagining this baby in my life. At the moment I do not know how I can move forward. I have to go back to the hospital on Monday to discuss options, I do not know what will happen. I am very lucky as I have a little girl from my 4th transfer and she is giving a lot of strength. We had another fresh round of IVF and I was so stupid believing that it could happen again. My husband is shocked too and the sadness in his face broke my heart. He is very supportive and says that we will try again, but I do not think I would be able to do this again. I told my family but they are not very supportive, just said that it’s life, it can happen and forget about it, so I regret to have opened up with them, especially my mum. I guess I just need to tell my story to someone that understands because, as much as I want to go over it, my baby existed and brought a lot of joy in my life and I can not just let him go. ❤️

[A-lonely-11]

I’m so sorry you’re going through that.

I’ve literally just experienced the same (on a very surprisingly natural pregnancy)

On sat 08.07 at the harmony test (I should have been 11w) we found that baby stopped at 8w5d, the image of the little one not moving was the worst ever I could see…allow yourself to go through all the emotions and feelings, to own your space in pain.

I didn’t have any symptoms at all, but knew inside me something was wrong, and indeed it was.

I’m lucky as you to have a little one from our ICSI, so when I’m with her life is beautiful. But after that, I’m filled with lots of feelings.

It will get better 100%, but it’s shit. I created a box of memory to remember and honour this little life, and helped me a bit.

With regards to miscarriage management, I booked the surgical management for last Friday but unexpectedly on Thursday night o miscarried naturally…and on Friday they cleaned me to make sure there were no residues…

I’m sending you a massive hug because you’ll need it,

[Sper in reply to A-lonely-11]

thank you very much for your message. I’m sorry to hear you experienced the same ❤️

[Ms_here]

I feel your pain and loss Sper. I also lost my baby recently. Your baby existed and it’s totally normal to plan and dream about the future. Baby loss is cruel. It’s not just the emotional side but the physical trauma that your body has to go through.

I hope that you have lots of support and I’m sending a big hug your way.

[Sper]

thanks a lot for your kind words ❤️

[MrsOrangejuice]

Sorry for what you're going through - I had a D&C earlier this year after a transfer from a disastrous round where we got one egg. Because I have a daughter from my previous transfer I thought it would just work even though two prior fresh transfers ended in early losses, so I felt a weirdly foolish and naive. Also the one that worked was a FET and I started to beat myself up that I should have cancelled the round, should have frozen the one embryo etc etc, but now i'm back to 'normal' I can see that that type of thinking is unhelpful. You'll probably be in a dark place right now and for a while - a sudden loss brings your hormones crashing down. It takes time to reset. And the emotional scars and loss of what you thought you'd have is hard. I had my daughter but I still cried when I was with her and then felt bad I was upsetting her. But I felt I'd let her down too as I so wanted her to have a sibling. This all passes, or becomes less acute, and the comments like 'it's common', just one of those things, at least you weren't further along... they don't sting as much. Sometomes people don't know what to say or how to make it better, sometimes they're flippant because they're keeping their own grief at bay. Be kind to yourself and cry whenever you need to x

[Kittykat198]

Just to say I’m so sorry about your loss. I lost a baby at about the same point last year and understand how heartbreaking it is and how much this little life meant. Xx

[Ivfjourney123]

I’m so sorry for your loss, I have just had a miscarriage- again at 8 weks5days the baby had stopped growing.

Like you, I had made plans, had names picked out and everything. It is heartbreaking.

I had medical management in hospital, which did not work so I ended up having a D and C- a small operation to clear everything, hoping to start ivf again in a few months time once I’ve had time to heal physically and mentally.

You are right to grieve and don’t let anyone tell you anything different

Your not alone 💙

[Positive20]

I’m so so sorry for your loss 😢 your story is so heartbreaking to read and the other girls who have responded so lovely with their support.

I had multiple failed attempts and then a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I visioned what life was going to be like with this baby, when the due date was….everything. My best advice would be….take time off work and allow yourself to grieve. I luckily got a cancellation the week after to liaise with our consultant regarding the next treatment plan. I also had a gap between the miscarriage and the next cycle which I do think helped, I booked a short weekend break, did some nice things, was kind to myself, bought myself a little gift which I did every time a transfer failed just for making it this far. Unfortunately there are no guarantees with IVF and just because it worked once doesn’t mean it works the same way again (I wish it did). Stay strong and good luck. Xx

[StarsAllAround]

So sorry your going through this. Allow yourself time to grieve and know you did nothing wrong and there is nothing you could of done to change this outcome. You won't forget your lost baby but it will get easier. I had an ectopic and lost my baby at 9 weeks back in 2019 I still think about what could of been from time to time and get sad on the anniversary of the loss but the grief no longer consumes me. People who have not experienced pregnancy loss just don't get and often say the wrong thing without realising so just ignore the unhelpful comments and focus on healing yourself. Talk to your husband about how your feeling and how he is feeling, be there for each other. Treat yourself to something nice and plan something fun to do with your husband and lo like a day trip or mini break to give yourself something to look forward to. Sends big hugs ❤❤❤

[Hockey112]

I’m so sorry for your sad loss. Sending you lots of love. With time and support from your partner you will be able to move forward together but for now do look after each other one day at a time xx

[Hopewhite]

hi Sper my heart goes out to you for having to go through this too , it’s just a horrible experience, allow yourself to cry as much as you need to, having gone through this very recently I know it’s hard both emotionally and physically. There will be no right words from outside until you have come to terms with it, just take one day at a time and hopefully you’ll get over the worst soon xx.

My mom was also very pragmatic about it, but it’s hard for them to understand if they have not gone through it , I’m sure her advice comes from the right place xx

I felt a rollercoaster of emotions on the first few days, so it’s perfectly normal to feel whatever comes your way, there’s simply no right way to deal with this.

I found out about Mmc in our viability scan at 8 weeks, after having had an earlier bleed and scan at week 6 where I was told there was a hematoma but the embryo looked ok and had a heartbeat. I was totally unprepared for the news and being an ivf first timer, I had also dreamed about the future, I think that’s unavoidable given how much these babies are wanted, so don’t be hard on yourself, I definitely think despite ivf is a game of odds, being excited and hopeful about an early pregnancy is the right thing to do xx

I decided to try nature take its course first because I felt my body needed a rest from all medicines, egg collection etc. After 11 days of nothing happening I realised I needed help, so I got medical management it wasn’t as awful as I feared, although I’m still waiting to do the pregnancy test to see if it worked. On hindsight, probably d&c is the quickest way to get through this on the physical side , I just wasn’t ready for it.

I send you a big hug, and I hope you manage to bounce back stronger after such a heartbreak, don’t put pressure on yourself about next steps yet, for now just focus on taking care of yourself, you’ll be able to think clearer once you’re over this, I wish you all the best whatever your decision.

[Wishing2023]

So sorry for your loss. I recently had my second missed miscarriage at exactly the same stage. I booked a private reassurance scan between 9-10 weeks and was due to have my midwife booking appointment a few days later. That silence in the scan is the worst feeling ever. I chose the surgical option this time as taking the tablets & experiencing the contractions last time caused the worse pain I’ve ever felt. The memories of that still haunt me & I didn’t want to be awake this time. I hope whichever method you choose happens quickly. Please give yourself time to recover & heal as well as grieve. Sending love & compassion. We see you & know exactly how you feel x

[Woody2019]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

It’s a heartbreaking thing to go through, to be told to basically get over it is incredibly insensitive.

Do what’s best for you and take time to come to terms with things and heal.

Thinking of you❤️

[EdwardsSarah996]

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Try to pamper yourself. Have you tried therapy? It might help.