consultation tomorrow- my Brain is overwhelmed!

[Twiglet2]

we have been trying for a sibling for the past 18 months or so and I’ve been only been getting one or 2 embryos per fresh cycle (7-9 eggs collected) and nothing to freeze (age 41 now).

Had a couple of chemicals and a couple of BFNs in that time.

The consultant last time was putting it down to my age and egg quality and so we were thinking of using my wife’s eggs with the same donor sperm in future but we only had 1 donor straw left and he was no longer available and we really didn’t want to have no genetic relation between our first and 2nd child if we changed egg and sperm. So we were going to stop trying with my eggs and move to wives with this straw if her AMH was okay

The great news is the European sperm bank have sourced 3 more straws from our donor available to only us for sibling use 🙌🏼

This puts my head in a spin though as my wife has suggested we try one more time with my eggs whilst she gets her self in better shape (loses weight, stops smoking etc)

We get her AMH tomorrow at a a consultation with our clinic and part of me thinks this is a great idea as I feel like I have let her down and gives me one more shot at giving us a sibling and part of me is terrified of the failure again- can it really work with my eggs now? Even if we use my wives eggs will my body keep not implanting or losing the embryos? Will that make it even harder to take as I will feel I am wasting her embryos 🤪🤪

what if her AmH is low (mine is high) should we still switch to her eggs as she is 4 years younger?

I have already had an email for the lead consultant suggesting the following if we go ahead with my eggs again:

‘terms of stimulation I would suggest that we do a similar approach using maximal oocytes 300 IU of Gonal F and 150 IU of FSH. ‘

I have been on maximum dose of menopur the last few egg collections and only ever had menopur for stims does this sound a better approach?

Sorry lovely people there’s just so many questions and thoughts spinning through my mind!! 🥰💜🤗

[polykleitos]

Hey Twiglet - sounds like there are so many factors to think about here. Firstly - great news on the sperm donor Secondly, please know that you haven’t failed! You are a total hero for getting through fertility treatment. It takes incredible resilience and courage and you can be proud of everything that you have endured for your family and future family ❤️

Next, maybe you need to wait for your wife’s AMH levels? It doesn’t sound like you have all the information to make an informed decision yet. I’m sure your dr will provide info that will answer the qs about medication and viability of carrying embryos made with wife’s eggs.

And finally, hopefully you’ve been able to explain how you feel to your wife and with the full picture you can decide together if you want to try one more time with your eggs. IVF is tough and there are a lot of things to weigh up - the financial cost and the toil on your mind and body. Sending you love and courage to navigate all these tough decisions xxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to polykleitos]

thank you! Yes we still need the AMH as the final piece of the puzzle but we wanted to have made the decision before we went into the consultation for both scenarios- a bit crazy I know but trying to get the ball rolling at our clinic is a nightmare so if we aren’t clear at the end of the consultation on next steps for them to write up for the admin team it would waste another 6 weeks of admin time probably!! 🙈🤪

You are right about the ‘failure’ part and that’s what I would tell anyone else in my situation too 🤗 thank you …but I can’t help feeling I’m causing all this decision making and extra ££ and additional pressure on my wife especially as it worked before with my eggs and me carrying it’s like my body clock is ticking very very loud right now! 😬🤔☺️ xx

[Jumpppy]

The IVF sibling process is sooooo hard - I feel your stress. So grateful for the 1, but aching to feel like you have a "complete" family. Assuming all works out with your wife - have you considered freezing and then waiting for embryos from your wife so you have a bank of embryos to work with? You could even transfer 1 from each say. 1-2 blast per cycle is really good and definitely "normal." So it sounds like you're doing well.Also given your prior pregnancy the REs will likely not consider implantation failure to be anything more than embryo related 😞 Have you had a Sonohysterogram (SHG) lately? I've had 3 REs swear by it to improve implantation. All three said it is a great way to clean up "uterine junk" that may be hanging about. Also IVF pregnancies are a lot more likely to create scarring (which they'll be able to see and then avoid during transfer) in the uterus and leave behind "uterine junk." Could be something to push for if you've not had one recently?

Good luck!

[Twiglet2 in reply to Jumpppy]

oh thank you! I feel heard with the pressure! Yeah I did consider freezing mine or even trying to link us up somehow to use the last straw of sperm for both our eggs to have a better chance of having something. At all but Ive only gotten one blast on the last few rounds so we thought May as well transfer it there and then instead of freezing it since I’m prepped and paid for, the 2nd embryo has not been good enough for freezing so just put back in fresh as a bit of extra hope really. Now we have more sperm it’s maybe something to rethink though.

I’ve never had the SIS only the other more painful one (I can’t spell the name of sorry 😂) way at the beginning in 2016 during investigations so will defo ask about this! Thanks so much 💜🤗 xx

[Tir-26]

Great news on the sperm, pleased for you both, opens up options ❤️ I’ve no real words but I hear you, it’s so overwhelming! Go with your gut and all the best with consultation x

[Twiglet2 in reply to Tir-26]

thanks! Yeah the extra sperm defo takes the pressure off and gave us more options ….just to figure out which one to take now! 🤪😂 xx