BFN and not a clue what to do next!

[Twiglet2]

had faint lines at 5 and 6dpt but stark negative 7dpt on FRER so we are out this time (must have still been the trigger 13 days later!?)

We had none to freeze. I don’t feel ready to give up on a sibling but after 3 egg collections since having my son with only 1 or 2 to transfer each time I think I am ready to give up on my 41 year old eggs and move to my wife’s (she’s 5 years younger and has finally been convinced to at least do the egg collection part won’t hear of being the pregnant one though 😂)

We have only one sperm left from our donor and time is ticking but my wife still smokes and would need all the tests etc. do we delay and try her eggs or give it a final go with mine? Our clinic has no more suggestions on what to try differently if we did try with me again.

I tried looking to change clinics to Spain but they won’t take our donor as we have childhood photo and medical history so is classed as ‘known’ to them (even though it’s from European sperm bank) as we have heard quite a bit of success from people who have travelled there. It’s really important to us that a sibling would have the same donor so they are ‘in it together’ when they are older as well as the genetics.

Thanks for listening to my spiralling ramble! Appreciate any advice as we will sit and talk it through later this week when the dust has settled on the BFN xx 💜

[Banana77]

Sorry to hear this, sending hugs, no real words of wisdom apart from keep faith xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Banana77]

thank you xx

[Tir-26]

I’m so sorry to hear this 💔 I’ve no words to say but keep strong and hopes alive.

[Twiglet2 in reply to Tir-26]

thank you xx

[LadyM2019]

I’m so sorry Twiglet2 chemical pregnancies are absolutely gutting.. What a difficult decision make it doesn’t sound like there’s an easy answer. All the best for whatever you decide

[Twiglet2 in reply to LadyM2019]

thank you, not even sure if this was another chemical or what was going on with those lines a few days ago 🤷🏻‍♀️ probably was a chemical again but we will never know 🤪 xx

[PenguinBlue]

Hi Twiglet, so sorry to hear of your BFN. That is so tough and hope you have the time to grieve.

They are tough questions you ask and I think if your wife is willing to do an egg collection then there is no harm trying that Avenue with you carrying the embryo (a nice way to mix and a lovely story to tell when they are older). I think if your wife is willing to stop smoking, undergo all the tests etc then try it? Otherwise would you consider another clinic for a second opinion on your own eggs in the U.K. (assuming it’s where you’re based?) perhaps they have another recommendation for you to try if you’re willing too?

Is a DE an option for you at all? A lot more to consider perhaps

Sorry I can’t be of more help as haven’t been in your position but I am Wishing you lots of luck in your next steps and hope to hear some news soon xxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to PenguinBlue]

thank you! Yes would consider another clinic but based on Scotland abroad is actually easier logistically than London (and cheaper) believe it or not which is why I was looking there. I don’t think we would go down DE route when there’s 2 of us with eggs tbh it’s more a question of which one of us for the eggs I think. Thanks again lovely xx

[PenguinBlue in reply to Twiglet2]

oh yes, can imagine abroad is so much more cheaper than London. I live here and can’t quite believe how much I spent on my cycles. Good luck with finding a clinic and all the best in your next steps, will be looking out for an update xx

[HedgehogMad]

Oh Twiglet so sorry to hear this 💔 you will probably need some time to process everything, if your wife is willing then it might be more likely to succeed, best to discuss it with your clinic. Sending lots of love xxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to HedgehogMad]

thank you! I had discussed it with the clinic before this round and they were happy to do that and time our cycles etc ;it’s quite the done thing with same sex partners these days so they have plenty of experience with it). They would have to start all the tests etc with her but I think that’s possibly a delay worth having xx

[Hidden]

so sorry Twiglet 😞 if your wife is willing to do the egg collection part then it’s most certainly something to explore 💫 sending love and strength x

[Twiglet2 in reply to Hidden]

thanks xxx

[Solly-44]

Ah love that’s so shit. I’m really sorry, have been looking out for your update.

I think you’re right to take a bit of time to process it. Moving forward, such a personal decision but I’d be tempted to try with your wife’s eggs if that’s something you’re both happy with. But I’m also horribly impatient so how long the tests etc would take would also be a deciding factor for me! I found it almost impossible to quit smoking for treatment and continued to use nicotine lozenges throughout- my clinic were ok with this if that’s any help. Sending you a bit hug xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Solly-44]

that’s really good to know on the lozenges! Might just be enough to get her through. Thanks lovely I am very impatient and my clinic is very very slow on the admin side of things so it is a nagging doubt l, especially with my age etc too xx

[rainbowbaby8320]

hi Twiglet

I got my donor sperm from European sperm bank originally and I checked a few years later and he was still donating! Maybe you could contact the clinic to check if he is like I did and then watch out for more sperm? That might take some pressure/stress off? I’m sorry your cycle didn’t work x it’s really hard xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to rainbowbaby8320]

thanks lovely- we did get some more last year (originally got 3 straws in 2019 then another 3 in 2022) even though in 2022 he was showing in the UK as unavailable as it was for sibling use they allowed us to purchase some but he isn’t showing in any countries at all now, not even out of stock. I’ve sent the ESB a wee email to double check but looks like he’s not donating anymore from what I can tell 😢

[rainbowbaby8320 in reply to Twiglet2]

aww that's a shame for you! I'm sorry xx

[Cinderella5]

Awww I just wanted to say how sorry I am Twiglet. Sending massive hugs.xxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Cinderella5]

thanks lovely xx

[lmno]

So sorry x

[Rainbowdreams82]

I’m so so sorry to read this 😔 I had everything crossed for you this time. Sending lots of hugs.

Take time to think and talk and you’ll come to the right decision. It’s a constant second guessing rollercoaster this journey. You and your wife will know what’s best for you both. I will be right here wishing you all the luck again whatever route you go down. Hope you’re doing ok xx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Rainbowdreams82]

thanks lovely 😊 we will get there just at a wee crossroads xx