Feeling Frustrated!

[Janechar10]

Hi everybody, never posted on here but I read every now and again. Soo where to start. We have gone through 1 Live ICSI and Two FET. Live ended in a chemical pregnancy they told me but didn't really explain exactly what it is but it failed neathertheless. Both FET with 2 5day Blastocyst didn't take either.

We have 2 Blastocysts left plus a whole live round and whatever Blastocysts we can get out of that. Its been 3 weeks since our negative test - and both of us are unsure if we want to carry on. I have spoken to the clinic and tbh they are really not helpful at all. Our doctor keeps telling me its going to work because I'm only 30 - I was diagnosed with PCOS and have around 20 cysts on both ovaries and wasn't ovulating.

Im waiting for an appointment for a phone call with the doctor to see what he suggests next as they said they can do more tests after 3 failed round 🤔

The clinic we feel haven't been helpful at all we have paid them over £12,000 already and obviously if we carry on it will be even more. I just feel like they dont care and just want money all the time. I have read that after 3/4 tries of IVF its very unlikely its going to work.

I need someone to tell me that it might work, I wamt to read your stories. All of my friends and even my younger sister have got children i have more godchildren that I need ( I'm very greatful but feel they ask us because of everything they are going through.) I have lost friends because of it. I just feel like giving up as everytime we have had negative test it bloody kills us both instead.

Please someone help me understand why this happens!!!

[Sw1234]

Don't lose hope. We had a LB after a failed fresh and 3 failed FET. It was our 5th and final embryo of our cycle that worked. I had the ERA test after 3 failed transfers which didn't show anything and started reflexology. There was absolutely nothing different between transfer 4 and 5 except maybe I was more calm as I was honestly expecting it to fail

[Janechar10 in reply to Sw1234]

Thankyou, reading how many times people go through it does give me a bit more hope. X

[Eloquentia]

Hi! I am really sorry about what you are going through, IVF is such a tough journey and every failed cycle is a loss. We were devastated after our first failed FET with our top quality embie and took some time off to heal. Taking time from it all and going away really helped us. If you feel like your clinic isn't listening to your concerns and trying their hardest to change protocols and tailor their approach to your body, learning from past experience, then I would consider changing clinics. The HFEA website has a really helpful clinic comparator tool with success rates broken down by age and type of procedure.

In terms of sharing stories, I have PCOS too and am quite a few years older than you. Currently 29 weeks after our second FET. I think it is a mix of genetic lottery in terms of the embryo but also learning from past failures to adapt future protocols. My clinic did listen to my concerns and changed my protocol for the second FET quadrupling my progesterone, which was on the low side with the first FET and 2 days before the second one. I insisted testing before the second FET and on the day of the transfer, which showed low progesterone on both days. They also added baby aspirin to my protocol, as well as oral and vaginal probiotics in the run up to the FET. So there is a lot that can be tweaked to help. If your third transfer doesn't work, I would be thinking of ERA/EMMA tests, as well as NK cell ones. If you decide to go for another round of ICSI, perhaps worth thinking of PGTA testing for the embryos?

Last but not least, have you read 'It all starts with the egg'? I found it really helpful in terms of dietary, lifestyle and supplements advice. For PCOS, one thing that really helped me in the run up to transfers was taking inositol, which is a food supplement. It helped regulate my cycle and absorb sugar better.

Very best of luck! Don't give up just yet.

[Janechar10 in reply to Eloquentia]

Thankyou. The only problem is with us because we live in a very small town our one and only clinic is an hour away without traffic. When we looked into more most of them are 2 hours away unfortunately. But i will see if there are anymore again just incase.

I have asked for the doctor to ring us, so hoping it will be soon as we can then see what things they can do differently.

My GP (who I'm very lucky to be best friends with) has been helping me all the way through - my Folic Aicd was low so put me on a high does of thoses. But she said that ERA/EMMA test and told me to ask the doctor as he had already said to us there is tests that can be done after 3 failed.

Everything is very hard isnt it - and I'm the type of person that wants an answer as to why something doesn't work. The only other problem is, I have to be very careful on what I take meds wises as I actually have a pacemaker fitted.

Thankyou for your words they have helped me alot - and given me things to ask the doctors too when we have an appointment. Xx

[Twiglet2]

it’s really really personal when to stop. IVF is expensive, draining and can put parts of your life on hold at times!! BUT your 3-4 times statistic you’ve read is likely relating to egg collections ie what I think you are calling ‘live’ rounds here with fresh transfers and not the subsequent transfers of any frozen blasts. And whilst even that lowers the probability there’s always other avenues at that stage too! Knowing what it took for us personally and lots of other ladies it does seem you are really early in to give up especially with 2 lovely blasts all ready and waiting for you 🤗 to have 5 blasts from your first collection with PCOS is a great start and age is on your side! If it were me I would defo not give up at this point but you may want to consider other clinics if you are not happy with the care you are getting there or asking them if they are going to tweak your treatment for your next FET (additional progesterone, blood thinners etc) 💜 wishing you luck for whatever you decide to do next xx

[Janechar10 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thankyou soo much for your kind words. We have been trying for a baby for 6 years - first time seeing the consultant was 2019 - where they told me to lose weight and basically save bc my partner has children so no NHS for us. They then gave us clomid for a year then, we had our fresh cycle May last year but yes we were very lucky to have had 7 blasts altogether after collecting 21 eggs from me.

I think the thing for me is the fact that I see everybody else having babies and they tiptop around us because they don't want to upset us.

We have discussed having the two blasts put in because we've paid for them to be frozen for another year last month so we will use them before having to pay again - but like you said its hard, financially, mentally physically draining.

Writing on here has helped me knowing what questions ect to ask the clinic when they have sorted out an appointment.

Thanks again xx

[Jumpppy in reply to Twiglet2]

Agree with Twiglet2 you had very good results in terms of # of blasts. Try not to conflate "embryo transfers" with "egg collections." Many need multiple egg collections (a collection often has multiple transfers)...

I like to think of an egg collection as a single natural cycle - you'd expect to get 1-2 live births MAX from a cycle (egg collection + transfers , so your 5 blasts). Some are lucky and will get say 4 live births from a single egg collection. 30% will get 1-2 live births from an egg collection, but the other 70% will require a 2nd or 3rd or 6th egg collections. This is why it's a journey.

Also agree you should at least try the remaining blasts before you consider giving up. It will only get harder as you age...

You may want to ask about the impact of your active cysts, that can have an impact. They may need to settle your ovaries before trying another transfer?

Good luck - it's neither easy nor fun.