FET #2 and coping with other people's pregnancy/baby news

[ButtercupGarden]

Hi all

I haven't posted in a while as I had a couple of months off following our MMC (no heartbeat at 7 week scan) in August. We've picked ourselves up and are back in for FET number 2 today. I feel sort of weird about it, not excited like the first time, just anxious and slightly irritated by the whole thing! I think I just now feel that it will fail and I'll be disappointed again, which I know isn't a great attitude to be going in with.

It doesn't help that one of my best friends had a baby last week and I'm due to meet it on Monday and another friend just announced she is pregnant with number 2. The second friend started trying for her first a few months after we started trying, so it feels like a massive blow for her to be pregnant AGAIN and we are still stuck in IVF limbo. It feels like it is so easy for everyone else.

I'm not sure why I'm ranting all of this on here but I guess I don't have anywhere else to say it. Any tips or advice for coping with all of the above?

Also, let me know if anyone else is having their transfer today, I'm not looking forward to another hellish 2ww!

Thanks lovelies xxx

[Hidden]

Hi, not today but I had my FET yesterday and have a very similar story to you. This is my 3rd transfer. First fresh ended with BFN this time last year. First FET in April which was a MMC at 7 weeks and then had to be surgically managed. So yesterday was my 3rd transfer. We transferred 2 embryos and have one left on ice.

It does feel like everyone around are either announcing pregnancies or having babies. I’m really happy for them but I also have real strong pangs of jealousy and I’d rather not see them. That sounds really horrible doesn’t it.

All the best of luck with your transfer later on today. Here’s hoping it’s our time 🤞

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi ButtercupGarden. So sorry to hear about the first failed attempt and hope you have got plenty of support. Not much we can do about other people's pregnancies, but to concentrate on your next attempt and let's hope this is the one that will stay. Try and keep busy and only see people as you feel up to it. The girls here will support you I'm sure. Thinking of you. Diane

[Hidden]

Bless you, I am so sorry about how you feel but if its any consolation its totally normal. I think once you have lost a baby you lose all excitement for IVF because the reality of the fact that the BFP is only the start of it really hits home, so it all feels a bit hopeless. Its self protection that your mind isn't letting you get excited... and is a really healthy place to be in many ways as you can only be pleasantly surprised. Your body knows how to get pregnant and any future pregnancy would be very different, so just keep plodding through the days and hopefully it will be much better news this time round.

Re the baby and pregnancy announcements.. I am so sorry for the rubbish timing for you. Its always so hard. The one thing I would say (and I hope its the same for you) is that it was the pregnant bit I struggled with. My sister had 2 children whilst I did round after round of IVF and had several miscarriages... I dreaded meeting the baby(s) but actually when they were here they were someone else's baby and not mine and so weirdly it didn't upset me like I thought it would.. whereas when she was pregnant I couldn't cope with the jealousy and injustice of me not being pregnant. That probably makes me sound unhinged but hopefully when you meet the baby it won't be as painful as you think it might be. Sending you hugs and heaps of luck for this round xx

[ButtercupGarden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Daisy, as always your advice is so helpful! You don't sound at all unhinged, I totally get what you are saying about the babies vs pregnancy thing. I couldn't hack babies for a few weeks after the miscarriage but I do feel in a better place about that now. I'm excited to meet the newborn (albeit slightly nervous that I'll cry) but the onslaught of pregnancy announcements just kills me. It just feels like everyone else clicks their fingers and they get pregnant, have a decent pregnancy and end up with a baby. I know that logically that isn't the case (I know the stats and appreciate that all you lovely ladies are real life examples that it doesn't all go perfectly, sadly!), but among my friends, it feels like they have all had it so easy. I feel like a terrible person for whining about it but it is so hard. Anyway, I will try to focus on the positives and keep plodding my way through the next few weeks with my fingers and toes crossed that it sticks! Xx

[Nattsplatt]

Hi, I totally get how you feel. I’m in a similar position. First fresh transfer ended in mmc at 10.5 weeks in July. Just had my next FET and currently in the two week wait. Test day is Sunday and I feel no sense of excitement or positivity. I’m convinced it’s going to be negative but it’s probably more self preservation that anything else. The excitement is definitely taken away having been through what we’ve been through.

I also have to go to a baby shower for a friend tomorrow, which I’m slightly dreading. Her baby is due two weeks before mine was meant to be. Life is cruel but we have to try to stay strong.

A friend of mine told me this week that she thinks I’m incredible for staying as strong as I have through it all so far - although I don’t necessarily agree, I know that everyone going through infertility must be incredibly strong and we can take more than we imagine. Try to remind yourself of this when it’s feeling hard.

Sorry I don’t really have any advice or help, just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and we just have to keep plodding on, believing that it will all work out (somehow) in the end - as someone once said ‘if it hasn’t worked out, then it’s not the end’!

Xx

[ButtercupGarden in reply to Nattsplatt]

Baby showers are the worst. I went to one a few weeks ago and I stayed for some cake and general catch up but left before presents or games as I just couldn't deal with it. Hope yours goes as well as it can, but remember you can always duck out if it is too hard! Keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that you get a positive on Sunday and this time it goes well. This whole process is hard and cruel and unfair so thank you for sharing your experience with me! Xx

[liftinglady]

hey, I’m so sorry you went through that. I think I was on my tee with you that time round too and here we are again!

6dp 5dt and counting !!

I too had a MMC and a surgical management on my first round of IUI and I truly know your pain. I’m not on my 2nd IVF and they have put two Embryos in so my fingers are crossed and my heart is trying to envelope the little packages.

Feeling positive is something I really struggle with, I have pushed my ‘fertility friends’ away as they have both jetted ahead and have little ones brewing or brewed and I just can’t enjoy chatting about my journey with them anymore as I feel sort of left behind.

So I have a look on here, I take myself out for walks with the dogs and I cook.

I just try and imagine that day when all this was just a memory and we made it through the other side.

Wishing you so much happiness 😘

[ButtercupGarden in reply to liftinglady]

Hi FET buddy! Sorry to hear you also had a rubbish time of it first time around. I know exactly how you feel about talking to friends that have had kids during this process. I don't really feel able to talk to any of them about it either. I give them practical updates but I find it really hard to talk about how I feel with them. Sending lots of love and luck in your direction and hoping for the best for test day. Let me know how you get on! Xxx