Well soon be starting treatment again but I feel like I'll be betraying the baby we lost...

[aamiller405]

I recently had an early loss as some as you know (6 weeks), we have reached the top of the NHS list now and accepted our offer of treatment 2 days ago.

But today im really struggling with my own thoughts. I feel like ill be betraying the baby we lost by trying for another. I desperately wanted "that" baby and felt so bonded to him/her in the short time we knew we were pregnant.

Im worried I wont feel the same bond again, or if I do ill feel guilty about "replacing" the baby we lost.

Of course I desperately want a child but I just don't know how to feel about it all at the minute. It was my first pregnancy and I feel like that was/should have been my first child but now another baby will (if were lucky) take that title.

just wondered if anyone else experienced these thoughts and how they felt as time went on?

[Franco81]

I’m afraid I haven’t been in this position but I couldn’t read and run.

It’s an extremely painful thing that you have experienced and maybe you haven’t had time to process it, it must still be so raw.

All I can offer is that you are entitled to feel this sadness and if you need a little longer before you try again then take it. I know it’s a tough decision as you want to move forward and there is no right or wrong way to do that.

I really hope something will guide the way for you.

Sending you love and strength x

[aamiller405 in reply to Franco81]

Thank you for your kind message xo

[Millbanks]

Hi hun, it must be very hard to deal with those emotions - especially as you bonded as you say. I think the baby you lost will always hold a special place in your heart and if it were me I’d think of it as a new life, not a replacement.

Give yourself time and I’m absolutely sure you will bond again, it’ll just be different.

Lots of luck to you xxx

[aamiller405 in reply to Millbanks]

Thank you for your lovely message xo

[Violet1987]

I have been having thoughts like this at times. My husband was my rock (even though he was heartbroken too) and my parents and sister were very supportive too.

My husband bought me a piece of jewellery and my sister bought me an ornament for our bedroom.

It showed me that my family also felt the loss too.

I wear my piece of jewellery every day. I haven’t been able to discuss IVF with my family however as it’s just too painful x

[aamiller405 in reply to Violet1987]

Aw im sorry you've experienced a loss too.. And I hope the pain eases with time xo

[Kitcat12]

Yes, I felt exactly the same. It's a strange feeling as I still wanted to try to have a baby but I felt guilty towards our lost baby as well. In my experience my feelings of guilt have lessened throughout this pregnancy, but I still think about and honour the baby we lost. I am so in love with this new baby that it's hard to be anything but over the moon. It doesn't feel like I've replaced the baby we lost, just found room in my heart to love another one. Huge luck with round 2 lovely x

[aamiller405 in reply to Kitcat12]

Thank you so much, its great to hear from someone who is having another baby now.. Your experience is reasurring.. Thank you and hope you're keeping well xo

[Dreamingofbaby]

It understandable you feel that way. Know that u will never be replacing your lil one and u can treasure the memories u have. Go easy on u Hun.

Hope all goes well. Best wishes xx

[aamiller405 in reply to Dreamingofbaby]

Thank you so much xox

[Lavender96]

I recently had a miscarriage and can sympathise with this feeling. It took us so long to finally get that BFP, trying to move on is so tough.

I have a close friend who lost a baby at a late stage of pregnancy, she has since had 2 beautiful babies. She told me she had all the same thoughts and feelings and was so anxious about trying again as she already loved the one she lost so much. But when she got pregnant again she immediately felt so in love and although she will always remember and honour her first baby, the pain of her loss did ease bit by bit. This really helped me and offered some reassurance. I hope it can help you as well.

Take all the time you need and best of luck with your next round x

[aamiller405 in reply to Lavender96]

Thank you so much for that reasurrance and I'm so sorry for your loss x