Feeling low/public pregnancy announce... - Fertility Network UK

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Feeling low/public pregnancy announcement

LizzieBW
LizzieBW

First off, sorry for the negative post!

We're waiting on our first IVF appointment but still trying naturally. The majority of the time I feel absolutely fine, I have a nice life & can see the positives for what they are worth. However, some days I feel unexpectedly weepy or emotional where certain situations will make me feel overly teary. Today was one of those times.

Today I had to attend a work event with a heavily pregnant colleague & she was lovingly rubbing her beautiful bump. I have no bad feeling toward her; she's lovely and is already a lovely Mum so onto her second baby. This unexpectedly set me off & I felt myself gulping to swallow away sadness. Later in the day today another close colleague announces that his Wife is pregnant & everyone understandably focuses the rest of the social chat around this. Again, I'm so over the moon for them but that initial 1-2 minute processing of pregnancy news just feels like a physical kick in the gut. I feel really crappy & just low. I feel like I must not deserve to be a Parent. Why is it so hard? X

33 Replies
oldestnewest

I just wanted to send love and hugs. I have definitely felt similar feelings and can really relate to the way you describe gulping down the sadness and announcements feeling like a kick in the gut! I’m sorry that you are having a really difficult time right now, but know that you are not alone. Take care xx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Picalilli99

Thank you. Your supportive & thoughtful message means a lot. It is important not to feel alone in this. I noticed your post about your next cycle starting soon. Wishing you lots of luck with it 🤞xx

Picalilli99
Picalilli99 in reply to LizzieBW

Thank you xxx

I just wanted to drop by and say do not feel alone. As I read your post i felt as i was the one writing it. I feel sad and i feel no one understands not even my husband at the moment. Everywere i look I see pregnant women. Its a hard journey wa have to go through and you have every right to feel down at times. When i wake up in the morning i say to myself this will be a good day and I wont think or speak about Ivf all day. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I want to send you a hug.... If you want to chat or speak feel free to message xxxxxx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Lorita1984

Thank you for taking time out to send support & for sharing your experience. Your message was really kind. I'm sorry that you're feeling sad too. Your reply reminded me it's okay to feel sad sometimes. I love that you're really motivated to start each day positively though, this is great. How are you getting on? Are you still waiting for more tests or consultations since your recent scan? Xx

Hey Lizzie,

Don’t apologise for your post!! Pregnancy announcements are soooo hard when this is something you desperately want to achieve yourself! It’s only normal to feel as you do. You do deserve to be a parent, stay positive and tell yourself it will happen. Lots of love xxx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Skippy1982

Thank you, Skippy. I had a look at your recent posts. I saw that you previously posted about feeling a similar way so I'm sorry for you feeling that way but it is a comfort to speak to people who actually get it; feel it not just hear it. Wishing you lots of luck with your current cycle/round xx

Skippy1982
Skippy1982 in reply to LizzieBW

Thank you Lizzie! I did, I felt the same- it’s so hard. You’re right it certainly is a comfort to talk to others who are experienced the same. Your friends just can’t get it and sometimes it can feel like a lonely, shitty place!!! I’m all ears, anytime you need it! I felt better after my ranting post on here! Hope you feel better about things soon xxx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Skippy1982

I do feel a little better, thank you. I felt a bit overwhelmed and exhausted so I let myself rest for an hour with no screen time and processed today a little more. Onwards & upwards 🙂 I count myself lucky that the good outweighs the bad now so need to stay focused. It would be brill if we could anticipate an announcement, pause and run out the room 🤣 thank you for your support. It really means a lot having everyone on here xx

I feel the same. A teenager at work found out she’s six months pregnant - she didn’t even know, obviously got pregnant by accident, isn’t prepared for it, said before she doesn’t want kids for years... I’ve had to avoid her as I struggle to pretend I’m happy for her. I’m not a bad person but I’ve been trying for three years and the jealousy is too much.

I don’t know whether to go for IVF. I wonder if I’d be more crushed if it didn’t work. There’s so much involved and most of the time it doesn’t work.

I just feel like I’m trapped in limbo and dreading the next pregnancy announcement at work, in my friendship group or my family.

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Spaced00

I'm so sorry you're going through that. It's totally unfair & raw & unfathomable. You're right, you're not a bad person for feeling that way.

I totally understand your perspective on whether IVF is worth it & it's absolutely a personal choice that isn't right for everyone.

I mostly have a deep sense that things will work out for the best, whatever that might mean for us but that doesn't stop the hurt in the process. Xx

I’m sorry you are having a difficult day. This journey is very tough. I felt like that so many times throughout our 7 year struggle ( eventually we had our little girl) I think you are very brave to attend an event where you know pregnant women will be I avoided em like the plague!!!

You do deserve to be a mother & if only good people got babies the world would be a much happier place. no children would be in care looking for a new home. 😢

I really hope your time is coming soon keep trying I’ve heard of lots of people that fall whilst awaiting ivf perhaps because the pressure is off a bit. I always felt better knowing there was a plan 🙂

Never apologise for needing to let go we all fully understand what you are going through. ❤️ scream shout it ain’t bloody fair. xxxx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to jess1981

Hi Jess,

Thank you so much for your reply & it's fantastic that you have a little girl, lovely 🥰 it's awful you were trying for 7 years, you must be incredibly resilient.

I have endometriosis, had partially blocked fallopian tubes which I'm unsure if are viable until next scan & a tilted uterus so the chances of natural pregnancy are slim but I'm definitely of the mindset it's not zero chance so I'll keep trying anyway!

Thank you so much for taking time to reply to me tonight. It's hugely appreciated and your words were kind xx

Noobs
Noobs in reply to LizzieBW

I feel your pain. Lots of years of taking moments after hearing announcements. It’s certainly not easy. But you sound positive😀. I had a tilted womb and a blocked tube and I eventually fell pregnant naturally against all odds. Wishing you lots of luck in your journey.xx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Noobs

Hi Noobs, thank you for sharing your positive experience! That's fantastic you fell pregnant - congratulations!! Xx

Hi LizzieBW,

Just wanted to say this is the one place where we all know how awful that kick is.We have got your back and we truly understand....big hugs.🤗

Louise

Xxxx😘

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to LouiseRB

Hi Louise, many thanks for your support. I do feel much better today and having the backing of everyone on here who genuinely empathise is so valuable. It makes the low times that little bit easier xx

Hi Lizzie

Definitely not alone here my lovely, I think I can say we all feel the same.

It's not bad feelings to anyone like you say but more why not me.

Part of my job is to calculate pay breakdowns for our employees going on maternity leave which is at least one a week.

Then I know this is nice but once little one is born, they usually pop in or send a picture. Lovely but hard and I know my colleagues are watching me to see how I'm going to react, which is a usual over the top display of how lovely what a gorgeous little one when inside I'd like to curl up or go and hide for a few minutes.

And don't get me started on pregnant women being everywhere you turn sometimes.

Wishing you all the luck with your journey xx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to fridayfever

Oh gosh!! You have such a tough job by the sounds of it & you must be one heck of a strong woman! I cannot tell you how much I relate to feeling OTT in my response to pregnancy news & new babies. As you described it "a usual over the top display" - totally me. I think I fear I come across jelous or sad or let my emotions slide that I instantly plaster on that huge fake smile & go out my way to say how amazing it all is & ask lots of questions. Then afterwards I worry: did anyone notice? Did I come across disingenuous? Did I seem too keen? Haha there's no balance but it's how I always cope. Thank you for sharing and for your kind words. Wishing you well too xx

fridayfever
fridayfever in reply to LizzieBW

I think it would be strange if we didn't feel the way we did xx

Hi Lizzie, I am on the same boat as you, just like a lot of us here. Don’t lose heart. I am sure it will happen! We are just about to start the procedure now. Going to have the lecture first and all start from there. Don’t really know what to expect...but I am sure something meant to be, it will happen eventually. Try to enjoy your life now as much as you can, once the baby has popped out your belly, you won’t have a min’s peace! :) Sending you lots of love and hugs! Xxx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Pokiee

Wow, that's fantastic you're just about to start your treatment - wishing you lots of luck with that!! Thank you for reminding me that this time is equally as precious, pre-baby because as a couple we can do many more things, much easier than those with children. I'll definitely keep this little piece of advice in the back of my mind on tough days now. Thanks again xx

Pokiee
Pokiee in reply to LizzieBW

Thank you so much Lizzie!! I know it’s hard when you are so caught up with the thought of having a baby. I am like that...thinking about it a lot of time, but life can’t wait, I have decided recently to start the search of a new job as been unhappy for quite a while. Will see what happens..We have to try our best to live our life as happy as we can no matter what. Wishing all of us best of luck! Xxx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Pokiee

Best of luck with your treatment!

Pokiee
Pokiee in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much! How’s everything going with your treatment? Xxx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Pokiee

Fine thanks although it is very hard psychologically and we decided on a break as it was driving us crackers!

Hey, you're definitely not alone. Those feelings we have are so difficult- I often feel torn- so happy for others, and genuinely happy because they deserve it, but also absolutely gutted that it's not me. Very difficult emotions to deal with and difficult feelings to manage. I have no answers, but we are all here. I have posted and always got support from this group xxx

Thank you for taking time out to reply to me to offer comfort & support. It really has helped having the understanding & care of women on here who know what the highs & lows feel like. I guess there's nothing else for it but to keep moving forward & get back into my positive headspace. Wishing you lots of luck on your own journey xx

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Starsandsunbeams

One of my friends said how it's normal to feel envious when someone else gets something you wanted for yourself as it shows you are interested and want the same for yourself.

It's like a cocktail of feelings you are glad for them but sad for your own situation.

Hidden
Hidden

It always feels that when you really want something it's shoved in your face at every opportunity.

Of course you are thankful that's not the point it doesn't mean you can't be sad for things you want but don't have. Yes you are glad for them and wouldn't wish them ill but wish it was you as well.

It's the unfairness of it all that upsets everyone involved as its all so bloody unfair and frustrating as its one of those things in life thats beyond anyone's control same as getting married is as I used to be envious when I found out others were getting married because I wasn't as I had wanted that for myself and had had crying fits over it as feeling envious isn't always a bad thing as it shows you are interested and wanted the same for yourself. It's when you wish harm and direct anger at those who have things when you don't is what makes envy malicious wanting to take the things away from them.

I will be getting married next February and on one hand I am looking forward to it and on the other I am nervous and excited as its a big step to take!

People said to me of course you feel envious it's only natural and that it's when you take things out on those who have what you don't is when envy is evil not the feelings in themselves.

Best of luck!

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to Hidden

Hi Catgirl,

Thank you for your reply & support.

It's a very good point you made and thanks for sharing your perspective about feeling envious or missing out on other things (congrats on your upcoming wedding btw 🥰 ) as it reminded me of the bigger picture.

Hopefully good things do come to those who wait 🙈🤞🍍💪 xx

Hey lovely

Sorry this response is a couple of days beyond. A couple of years ago this could have been me! During our fertility struggle, IVF and BFN's so many people we love fell pregnant including 2 of our best friends and my sister in law. It really does hurt! But hang on in there you will get there. In no way do I want this to sound selfish but really hope that it gives you a glimmer of hope our little miracle is sleeping upstairs. Our worst nightmares are her and our closest friends. Dreams do come true and I really hope they do for you xxx

LizzieBW
LizzieBW in reply to NMP1026

Hi,

Congratulations on your amazing addition to the family 🥰 it doesn't sound selfish at all - I really cling onto hope & hearing from others who have overcome their infertility battle makes me feel focused so thank you so much for sharing your experience xx

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