Friends second pregnancy

[Amanda86]

Hey,

So as the title says my friend is pregnant with her second pregnancy. We started trying before she did with her first! He's now 2 and she's pregnant with her second. Both times of trying she's fell on the second month of trying.

Obviously I'm happy for her but also gutted. How can it happen so quickly for some and others have such a difficult time? It's so unfair!!

I just feel like if this cycle isn't successful it'll be so hard with her being pregnant. I know I shouldn't be thinking this way and need to remain positive but it's just so hard as I know you all know.

Ahhhh honestly I could scream and cry I just feel so down 😥😥😥

[katya38]

It is really hard and sometimes I feel awkward because I know they ll also feel awkward if that makes sense!! Xx

[Amanda86 in reply to katya38]

Yeah I totally agree. She probably feels bad and feels awkward too. Xxx

[Tigerlily01]

Theres nothing worse than someone announcing there pregnant when you have been trying for so long. stay positive your transfer will be soon here and you could both enjoy pregnancy together. it is really hard treat yourself and try take your mind off it i know its easier said than done. xxxx

[Amanda86 in reply to Tigerlily01]

Thanks 😊 how you keeping? Xxx

[Tigerlily01 in reply to Amanda86]

I'm not bad thanks got really bad sickness though. How are you doing getting closer each day to your transfer date xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to Tigerlily01]

Aww not good. Hopefully it'll pass. Yeah I'm not bad, won't be long until transfer. Not that I'm excited but hoping to try and change those feelings lol xxx

[Sprinkles86]

Been here a few times so completely understand the mix of emotions you must be feeling. Does your friend know about your journey/treatment? It might help to have a chat with her to let her know you're pleased for her but depending on how things go for you, you might need to keep your distance a little from all the baby talk. I did that with one of my friends who had been very vocal about her pregnancy shall we say, and she was very receptive and said she suspected I was feeling bad as I had gone quiet with her, she was great after that chat and very understanding xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to Sprinkles86]

Thanks for the reply. I think I might need to have a chat, the group of friends I have they all have children and honestly sometimes it's all the speak about. They are all aware about my treatment although I've not told any of them I'm going through it again this time. Sometimes I can't quite believe they would have the baby chat but I guess people don't think when they haven't been through what we have.

Thankfully I'm not on any social media so don't need to look at all the constant baby chat which will be coming soon.

I know they should chat about it and be happy and want to share. It's just so hard sometimes you know?

I pray this will be our time and me and my friend can go through a pregnancy together which would be lovely. Xxx

[Hidden]

I think it's only natural for these thoughts to pop into your head so don't feel bad, I just think these situations just ramps up our stress levels which really doesn't help. We are terrible for placing expectations on our shoulders and judging ourselves against others. Just remember you are on your own journey and path to achieve your goals as are we all and our path is just going to take a bit longer but will get there in the end, stay positive and focus on yourself and your needs. We're all screaming with you so just let it out ☺xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply. That's so true. I just need to focus on me and this treatment. It's a tough journey but I'll make us stronger in the end 💪 xxx

[Hidden in reply to Amanda86]

For sure you couldn't get a tougher bunch of girls were made of strong stuff xxx

[vic77]

This is the toughest for sure. We are such strong women on here and you have to be to go through this. You have to believe your time will come and you will be sharing your good news with her soon. Take care xxxx

[Amanda86 in reply to vic77]

Thank you Vic and good luck. Hooe you get your BFP 😊 xxx

[Cinderella5]

This happened to me recently! My friend was asking for my advice as to how to know she was ovulating back in December as they'd been trying for 2 months & nothing had happened. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and she is 13 weeks pregnant! I'm so happy for her but I got into work and burst into tears! I think I had a mix of PMT along with the feeling of everyone just passing me by and not knowing if it will ever be our turn! She knows that we are doing treatment so I think she was scared to tell me too. I felt better after a few days though!! I find it quite hard being with my friends all chatting about their kids, I feel so left out that I can't join in the conversation! It's just so bloody hard all of this!

Chin up & all the best for your cycle, wishing you lots of luck!xx

[Amanda86 in reply to Cinderella5]

Your right it is hard. I also feel really left out with being the only one left not to have kids. It'll be our time soon I hope! We all fight so hard for our dreams and we truly deserve for them to come true!

Xxx

[Pookymama]

I'm so sorry you're going through a tough time with this hun. I completely understand how you feel and we really need to be kind to ourselves and do what makes us feel better in these situations. My 24 year old nephew has had 2 babies before I've had 1 and a friend who was struggling with fertility alongside me 3 years ago now has 2 children with the help of clomid. When I saw her success I thanked my lucky stars when I was offered this wonder drug too which turned out not to work for me.

When my 1st round of ivf resulted in pregnancy my friend and I sat together as two pregnant women, an experience I thought I may never get to share. Sadly though a few weeks later my pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I couldn't bring myself to tell my friend as she was literally giving birth to her second baby the same week and I didn't want to mar her joy. She understood though and has always been very considerate toward my feelings. I think if you have that chat with your friends they will learn to appreciate how hard this is for you and hopefully be sensitive.

What I will tell you though is that coping with other people's babies does become easier with time, not always doable mind you but certainly more manageable.

We don't always give ourselves enough credit as this process can cruelly make us feel like we're failing but I believe we're already the best kind of mothers; we're doing all we can to make a nourishing, welcoming environment to invite our babies into, we'll fight tooth and nail to maintain our precious pregnancies when we get them and the babies of us ivf wariors must be the most cherished on the planet. While we have learned a deep - seated empathy for humanity that people without such experience may never develop.

We've got this girl. Take care of you til til it's time to share that care with your little someone else xx

[Amanda86 in reply to Pookymama]

Thank you for such a lovely reply and I'm also so sorry for everything you've been through. It's so heartbreaking 😥

Everything you say is so true. Our miracle babies mean so much more to us (I think) because we've fought so hard and been through so much to have them. People who fall pregnant by just wanting it (who I am also jealous of) they'll never understand how it feels to want a baby the way we do and they won't understand our struggles.

One day I hope to be able to look back at all this and think yeah it was the hardest thing I've ever done but this little baby in my arms was worth every single bit of it!! 🌈 👶 🍀

Wishing you so much luck with any future treatment. I hope your dreams come true xxxx

[Sprinkles86 in reply to Pookymama]

Such lovely words and so true xxx

[Tugsgirl]

*sighs* 😞 We've all been there. Since I've been ttc my ex husband has had two little boys and the youngest is now 6 months! To add insult to injury his girlfriend thought she'd have trouble conceiving but she fell just three months into their relationship and the second one followed closely afterwards. Since we've been ttc two of my best friends have babies over one year old and my OHs little sister, who's only 19, has a 6 month old little girl. Another close friend has a ten month old daughter, her fifth baby. Both my Mum's (sorta) stepdaughtes have had baby girls (about 6 months apart). Obviously I'm not telling you because it's a competition, I'm telling you because you are not alone. Ttc is the most difficult and lonely feeling at times and we can all get consumed by the jealousy and feel that life isn't fair. It isn't. Thinking of you X

[Amanda86 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Your right it's very tough! You know what I think gets to me is the stuff she comes out with. She hates being pregnant, moaned the whole time! She moans about her partner saying she doesn't really love him and is with him for her son? But having another kid with him? She isn't maternal at all. I just feel my life is so different. I don't see a life without my partner and obviously like everyone on here we'd do anything for a baby.

My two sisters were both pregnant with me and I lost the baby and they went on to have theirs and that was tough but this seems to affect me more and I genuinely think it must be because of how much she doesn't appreciate how lucky she is. I guess it's just something I have to ignore as she's entitled to her opinions about pregnancy and she can voice how she feels, just wish she would be more sensitive xxxx

[Tugsgirl in reply to Amanda86]

My friend with the ten month old girl (her fifth child) complained non stop about the last pregnancy. About her morning sickness, her age, being an "oap" Mum (we're both 36) how she only had to cough and she gets pregnant! How she thought she was going to get her life back.. She posts insensitive things on fb, you get the picture.. I have avoided her like the plague. I hid her from my newsfeed. However yesterday we cleared the air. Turns out she really hadn't appreciated my struggle, my heartache. And I hadn't appreciated how ill her last pregnancy made her. So ill she was hospitalised more than once. She said the stuff she says and the things she does is just her way of coping. I told her that me avoiding her was my way of coping. I'm glad we've cleared the air. Perhaps try talking to your friend, spell it out for her how tough it is and just ask her to deal with the situation with a little more sensitivity xx

[Amanda86 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Yeah think I might do that. I'll see how my treatment goes first and obviously if I feel the baby stuff is becoming too much I can only let her know and hope she'll be understanding of the situation which I'm sure she will xxx

[72cloud9]

Bless u Hun. We completely get it. After my failed cycle I'm barely speaking to my 2 friends with babies. Just can't deal with it right now!!

U will get thru it and hopefully you will have your own BFP to celebrate very soon xxx

[Amanda86 in reply to 72cloud9]

Thank you and sorry to hear about your failed cycle. It's such a horrible journey and it's truly devastating when we don't get the positive outcome 😥 xxxx

[Hidden]

The problem, one of many, is that unless you've been through what we are all going through you simply can't relate or understand, no matter how hard you try. I have spent the last 8 yrs ttc & avoiding so many of my friends with babies. I've ending up unintentionally cutting so many of them out of my life because I cannot cope being around them , it's just too hard & people can be so insensitive with their comments without meaning to be. I havent discussed what Im doing with my friends but I am aware, have empathy with & are very careful what I say around other childless couples, friends etc. One very close friend asked my why I had let the chance of being a mother go by?!...sorry for the rant, of no help to you. I think we just all have to find our own individual way of dealing with it but be kind to yourself, I have learnt that and that does help!, X.

[Amanda86 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the reply Molly,

It's very true that people don't understand if they haven't been through what we have.

I can understand how it could be easily to end up looking friends. I often avoid meet ups (group ones mainly) because it often ends up with lots of baby chat and I just sometimes feel I'm not strong enough to sit and listen to it and also it just makes me feel totally left out. Not their fault I know.

It's nice to know I'm not the only person who feels like this because sometimes I think I'm bad for feeling the way I do. I guess we're only human and we can't control how we feel.

Xxxx