Struggling with pregnancy news!

Hi, I'm Jess!

I'm new here, and me and my partner have been trying to convince for nearly 3 years now. I have only just been referred for investigations so the whole medical side to this is very new to me.

Just wanted to ask how you all deal with pregnancy news from close family or friends? My sister in law, who is only 19, just found out she is pregnant with twins (she already has a 3 year old). As soon as I found out I resented her and now I can't even be around her! I just feel like we've been trying so hard and she gets pregnant by a result of a one night stand!

I'm not sure how I deal with this situation, and none of my other family or friends understand. They just keep saying it will happen for us soon, which really makes me angrier!

Any help welcome thanks xx

9 Replies

  • There is no right way or wrong way to deal with this. Whatever you have to do or say behind closed doors in the sanctuary of your own home, do it. I know how it hurts to paint on a smile when inside you're screaming how unfair it is and asking why it can't be you. Just know that what you're feeling is 💯 % normal x

  • I've faced this exact situation. Like tugsgirl said their is no right or wrong way. Both my sisters are currently pregnant within one month of trying and I've found it incredibly difficult. I even avoided them and didn't want to talk about it. I know that's selfish and wrong but partly self preservation. I've sorted my head out now and accepted it. I found it easier to be honest with them and tell them how I felt. Sending Hugs xxx

  • I deal with it badly if I'm honest as soon as I hear. My husband is great and listens to me vent in frustration. You're not alone in your reactions. I just try to be happy for others and trust that one day we may be blessed as well. It's hard but without hope there is nothing. Keep hoping. xxx

  • Ah you're not alone, this was the first thing I posted on here too, and every day I see other people post exactly the same feelings. It's horrible some days you feel so resentful and can't stand the sight of them, and that's confusing because you like them and they are family / friends. What I have learnt to do is just sit it out, and paint a smile on your face, cus tomorrow you may wake up and feel completely normal and fine about it. It's so hard and I don't think men have the same ill feeling towards others so the one person who is in the same boat as you, can't relate to your feelings. But we re here and knowing other people have the same feelings has helped me accept it and not dwell on it too much xxx

  • I forgot to mention that the best thing I did for my own self esteem was to leave Facebook. I realised with my hubby's help that I was getting more stressed and anxious by reading what had turned into mum's net really. Also because I'm so busy during the day, I was checking it at bed time which was causing me to sleep badly and dream about things. It really did help me to leave. It was a big move but it worked wonders for me and brought me out of a very deep dark hole. x

  • It is very hard and how u r feeling is so normal. I tend to have a good cry in the privacy of my own home and then plaster a smile on when required.what else can we do.hopefully it will be our turn soon xxx

  • Hi Jess. I hope you find this place as helpful as I do. People always respond to posts on here and everyone knows how it feels, which can be hard to find in the outside world. My fiance's sister was 19 when she had her first baby, after we had started trying and in January had her 2nd at 22 or 23. I hold huge resentment, why her and not me? I don't really like her anyway bit realise my anger is probably misdirected. I guess it is normal to feel this way though, someone else is very easily getting the one thing that we are really fighting for.

    I hate it when people say those thing but they probably think they are only trying to sound helpful. Many people don't really know what to say.

    I'm sorry if my rambling hasn't been very helpful! I just wanted you to know you're not alone in feeling like this and I hope baby luck comes your way.

    Lucy xx

  • I'm not sure this is coping with it but this is what I do.

    If the announcement is in person I'll smile, do everything I'm supposed to do. Leave as soon as possible. Go home & cry.

    If on fb I'll write 'congratulations' then unfollow them.

    Actually it's definitely not coping it's avoiding. I find it harder when I'm coming on. But tbh it's quite clear it's not going to happen for us so I'm trying to accept that. All tests, I think/hope are done bar 1 blood test. Then we're being referred to ivf. It's not something I want to do so I'm just not thinking of it as an option. The way you feel is perfectly normal. We all feel it. I find scan photos the hardest. Really really hard. Always happy to talk if you need to? Xxx

  • I've been seeing a counsellor about this same thing. I've Felt so bitter about some people and that's not the real me. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way, it's natural to feel resentment and be jealous of others when you are going through a terrible time.

    What I have found useful is putting my feelings in writing. I put it in the notes section in my phone, so only I can see it and I can be totally honest. It's a really good release and no one can judge you because only you will see it. x

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