Hello old friend anxiety 😦

[hifer]

So I haven’t even started my cycle yet and the old anxiety is through the roof! Worrying about everything, not sleeping, over worrying about things not even related to IVF etc etc. I knew it was going to be on the horizon but didn’t expect it quite so soon. Had a pretty traumatic endo scratch on Friday that I thought was going to be a breeze! They couldn’t access my cervix at first because it’s apparently changed shape! I had the whole “I’m just going to get my colleague and see if she can help" situation, which took me straight back to both times I've heard that during scans when we lost heartbeats. It was so triggering. Anyway, I cried silently during the procedure (sucessful in the end) and afterwards and on the phone to my husband. So much trauma has surfaced from this long and protracted IVF journey.

Anyway! I will proceed so need to get through it without going bonkers. What have you ladies got in your armoury to deal with this terrible IVF anxiety?! Anything I haven't tried or have tried and forgotten about?! I'm all ears. Apart from eat well, sleep and breathe etc 🤪.

Thanks all 🙏

xx

[Millbanks]

Oh love, this is exactly what I’m afraid of!

It just all comes pouring back in…

The fact that you’re still doing it is already positive though. I would try to remind myself why, and cling on to that!

But simultaneously remind yourself of what you already have 💖

Ugh. Sending lots of love xxx

[hifer in reply to Millbanks]

Oh my love, I have absolutely no desire to put you off! It did come pouring back though (not unexpected) but earlier than I thought so I guess the key for you is planning in advance. When I first went in to my clinic recently I cried sitting in the waiting room, but then the next time I was ok so I guess just one step at a time.

Oh definitely. We are so so grateful for what we’ve got. Every single day.

Big love to you

Xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry lovely, it’s all just so hard. I have similar with tiled Hospital ceilings and also scan people going quiet - takes me back to really dark times.

The only thing that’s keeps me going is reminding myself this time it’s different and focusing on this time. I had a difficult transfer where they couldn’t find my cervix and it’s NEVER been a problem before - I tried to spin that as a positive that all the other transfers had been easy and ended up BFN or MC so maybe this was a good sign. So maybe them not finding yours is a sign that this time is a good time for you. Clutching at straws I appreciate but we need to find positivity in everything.

Also fertility counselling didn’t help me but NHS Talking Therapies did - May be worth a look.

Finally every so often I do just have to remind myself we would be ok if this didn’t work, it wasn’t what we wanted but there was a life afterwards. And sometimes list positives (sometimes a bit of a scramble to find some! Literally things like ‘can drunk wine’ lols..) I lost that clarity somewhere along the way and it helped to re-find it - took the pressure off a bit which lifted some of my anxiety

Also keep messaging everyone on here, you need an outlet

You can do this - huge hugs xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

sorry with all my rambling I missed off the most practical point. I was always told to try and think ‘what would I do’ when my anxiety was spiralling. Whether write it down or mentally think ‘if x happens what are the implications and what would I do’. It helped me take control of the worries and more often than not there is a manageable outcome it’s just you can’t see past the initial anxiety when it hits xx

[hifer in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much for this. Sonographers going quiet is THE worst. I just babble and make them talk about anything, even if it’s the weather. I’ve told them before that it’s triggering and I like to just be talked through it no matter what they are doing! I totally understand.

Yes I had a great counsellor for my last transfer and I think I will need her, you’re right. I will contact her today.

Totally re clarity. Mine went completely out the window along with perspective and everything else.

Thanks for your support and positivity. 😘

Xx

[Blueberry211]

i am so sorry you re going through this. I have just passed through the same- chemical, then negative and now another chemical,all with single euploid transfer.

there are no words to say except it hurts deeply. lease take time to grieve xxx



[hifer in reply to Blueberry211]

so sorry to hear you’ve been through this x

[Blueberry211 in reply to hifer]

thank you.how are you?

[Solly-44]

Eurgh, I can very much relate to all of this. I was shocked at how quickly we’re thrown back into it and completely agree with much of it being really triggering. Not got much advice but sending a big hug! It all sucks xx

[hifer in reply to Solly-44]

Thank you. Hugs back x