Last embryo,another miscarriage,what next!

[Emotionalwreck]

hello all, not sure if I'm needing a response or just needing to get everything out in a safe space!

 background, I was diagnosed with early menopause at 17 and always new I'd need donor eggs.

 cycle one in 2016 we had our beautiful son.

cycle two and three BFN

cycle four miscarriage at 6weeks

cycle five BFN

cycle six and seven biochemical pregnancy

cycle eight last embryo - currently miscarrying

i know I'm only just miscarrying so will need time to process it but I'm not sure if it's relief I'm feeling that the fertility journey may finally be over and I can focus on our life, our family and not the constant stress of treatment. Am I just doing a bit of self preservation? We are in a position to try again, albeit waiting likely 6 months for another (third)donor, I'll be 39 in April and wonder realistically I can keep doing this physically and mentally!

has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you process it?what did you ask your consultant at a follow up? I used to work as a fertility nurse so know my clinic that I now have treatment really well and they have taken my suggestions and requests for additional tests but wonder if them or I am missing anything?

thank you for taking the time for reading

[zytajones]

Hi Emotionalwreck,I couldn't read it and just walk away as you experience is very similar to mine but I was lucky enough to be able to use my own eggs.

I'm so sorry you are going through a miscarriage again. I know how disappointed you are.

We recently decided to finish our IVF journey (we have a son from the first IVF round and were trying for a sibling 7 times: 5 FETs in total, 2 fresh transfers, got pregnant twice but miscarries early, and 1 last embryo didn't survive the thaw). I'm still not sure if that's the right decision but I have days were I feel it is, and then other days where I feel I gave up too early? But the last 3 years we spend focusing only on IVF, I was almost constantly on some kind of drugs/hormones, it really took physical and mental toll on me. I still wonder how my husband was able to cope with me? Sometimes I was a proper bitch, even though I didn't want to be!

We just come back from nice and long holidays, my son is nearly 6 now, we were snorkelling together and diving off from the huge rocks, and I was so happy at that moment, that we can finally do things together, that I feel ok, no headaches, bloating, etc. I'm also much more patient with him since I'm off all the meds. So I do see a lot of positivity in this situation.

The biggest negative for me is that he won't have a sibling, but I just really really hope he will come across some really good friends in his life, and this will fill this gap.

I'm not sure what's the right answer for you. Do what your gut feelings are telling you. Our were to stop. But I still keep thinking what if.....

[Emotionalwreck in reply to zytajones]

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Thank you for replying!Our experiences sound so similar and makes me feel better in how I've responded and reacted to things!

The last three years have been so tough and all the side effects of medications and the stress has made me a total bitch also. We're currently on holiday and I feel I've ruined so many family holidays and gatherings because of all the 'fertility' stuff that the prospect of being on my normal HRT and doing exercise and socialising, being patient, happy etc is so appealing that I feel guilty for feeling that way when I'm having a miscarriage. I can't win!

Like you, the main reason we have kept going is for a sibling. But I also know that's from us wanting what we've had growing up. He'll know no different, he has cousins and he has some children of close friends of ours tat we see all the time, but it's doesn't stop that ache that we haven't been able to do it.

Time will tell and I think I just need to take a day at a time and focus on us for a bit and as we can't do anything about further treatment now I don't have that pressure to go straight again!

Contunue to enjoy those special family times and making memories, our sons only need to know our love and we just need to accept that we have done all we can x

[zytajones in reply to Emotionalwreck]

Hello!Don't think of the past and focus on today. What's today it counts! I hope you are having an amazing time with your family, despite of what you are going through at the moment.

I really like what you wrote about your son having cousins and that him (and my son) wouldnt know what they are missing as they never experienced it. It really helped me - why I didn't think about it? 🤔🤪 thank you!

I wish you all the best, no matter what ❤️😘😘😘

[Positivechangeplease]

So sorry you’ve been through all that. It sounds absolutely exhausting and I’m not sure I’d have managed it all and not given up by now. I’m 41 and only just given birth to our first after our fertility struggle. In some ways I would like a sibling but my birth experience was hard and the after effects still affecting me. My stance is if it doesn’t work (we also have one embryo left) then ill let it go. Concentrate on my only child. And that will be okay. Just explaining that’s what I’d do. Xx