What next? IVF NHS funding and now separated

[BettyBluey]

My husband has recently decided not to go ahead with the treatment so we're separating. I've not told the clinic yet (I'm on NHS funding). I have not started treatment, just bloods and a scan. I understand that funding will be ceased in my local area if it's not the both of us doing it. Devastated. I need to move this forward and decide if to freeze my eggs (I'm 38) or be brave and go ahead with a donor. Time is ticking and I'm feeling desperate. Your advice would be truly grateful x

[MissSaoPaulo]

I think in your position I would feel very resentful for missing this opportunity and that's not something I would want poisoning my life. I say go for it with a donor and be a solo parent. Millions of people end up in that situation anyway, by choice or otherwise, you'd find a way to make it work. Best of luck, I hope it works out for you xxx

[BettyBluey in reply to MissSaoPaulo]

Thank you xxx

[AuroraXen]

Oh Betty. I feel for you so much. Lots of this brings back years of awful memories for me. My profile says it all but our stories are kind of backwards mirrors. I separated from my husband a few years ago because of his unwillingness to TTC. I did home insemination and 2 IVF cycles solo with donors. My story took an unexpected turn when my husband came round to the idea of a family, in fact did a total 180! We've had zero success since, but hey ho 😫 But the point is, I was very much willing to do it alone, and lots of women do likewise on here. It's scary, it's daunting, but I'd always say if it's really what you want and you have funds (that's another $hit aspect... zero NHS help😭) then don't hang about too long and go for it. If you're not sure yet, then egg freezing would definitely be a good plan. If you do go ahead alone, remember there are lots of people here who can advise you on every step xxx

[Hidden]

Sorry not Sorry as he didn't deserve you, this why he can't go on this journey with you. If I was in your situation I would go for semen donor, as age is such a big issue for IVF. Kids are your biggest love so you will never regret. Sending you luck 💓

[Marisa32]

Freezing eggs at 38 may not be the best course of action. I would suggest donor to give yourself best chance at a baby. Good luck.

[AnnieAnnie]

If I were in your position, I would not delay and get on and use a sperm doner. At 38 (I am too) time definitely is not on our side. I would much prefer to have embryos frozen than eggs.

[Dogpark]

Hi Betty,

Sorry to hear about your situation. 38 is still a good time to freeze eggs, a couple of my friends did it at that age and, pending you collect say- 15-30 eggs- that should give you a great chance to conceive later on in your 40s whether you decide to do it solo or whether you meet a new partner (a 60%+ chance). Lots of luck!

[Elegantly_Jaded]

I'm 45, 2 adult kids, partner is 47 and has none. One (3 cycle) round of own egg IVF just completed with poor (anticipated due to my age) results. If I were in your situation I would possibly do both (freeze and donor sperm), but definitely, definitely freeze some, in case you don't decide to go donor and end up meeting someone special later in life. I had a boob job at 39 - if I had understood then just how much your fertility drops off a cliff at 43, I would have frozen my eggs instead, in a heartbeat. Sending you the most positive vibes and much love, hang in there xxx

[6yrsincounting]

Having been in your position, albeit at the age of 36 at the time, it was suggested strongly by the specialist that I should not freeze my eggs due to my age and should look for a donor, which the NHS would not fund. At that time I made a decision to take a step back and collect my thoughts and save money, as I was still reeling from everything, even though I had left him. Coming full circle we reconciled 18months later after 6months of that time dating again and are now on the IVF journey together though heartbreakingly as yet have not been successful. If we had not gotten back together i would have started the donor process something I have never hidden from my husband. If you want this and you feel you are ready my suggestion would be to go the donor route. Good luck with whatever you decide

[Albs171]

I had something similar. I was mid cycle though and partner did a flip.The nhs allowed me to change to egg freezing… I was 37 and 11 months.

We reconciled and I’m now 11 weeks with our second FET. But the eggs did work.

They said that today there was little difference between success with just eggs freeze or embryos freeze as the tech has improved.

I think if you can get them to move you to a freeze all eggs. It’s gives you a moment to think.

It’s a horrible time though and I’m so sorry you are in this position. Sending all the love xx