Hi, we had our follow up last week after our 4th fresh failed IVF cycle (I am 40yrs old). Just before the follow up I had a hysteroscopy which they found and removed a polyp. Then came decision making time:
1. We thought they’d suggest donor egg now and I didn’t know if I was ready for that. I find this a huge step to make, to move away from my own eggs.
2. Due to the polyp we felt we should have another fresh cycle with own eggs. And the consultant agreed. Although they can’t be sure the polyp was the problem. Something has been changed (if only this was done before cycle 4!)
3. Now we’re in a position where we have cycle 5 booked for mid July using own eggs. This is only 6/8 weeks after BFN. Instead of feeling pleased with this outcome I feel scared! Scared of another BFN, of wasting money by not moving to donor egg sooner.
The reason for a quick turn around is due to age, the hysteroscopy counting as a scratch within this time limit and so we can fit in a donor cycle in January if needed.
Anyone else gone through making these very big decisions? I’m so worried about the next step being the wrong one.
If only fertility wasn’t such an unknown world! 🌍 argh......sorry for long post!
🤗 xx
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gemmy999
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Have you had your AMH tested and how have you responded to past rounds hun? Donor eggs is a huge decision, I was told it is down to these questions as well was age. Xx
Thanks for your reply. I will ask them to check my AMH again. I have always been on the lower side. Round 3 I responded well work 12 eggs, 7 fertilised, 1 blasto. Round 4 was only 6 eggs, 3 fertilised, 2 blasto. So they said I’m responding ok but that’s using the highest stims. X
I’d see how this next cycle goes, your last round looks good numbers wise. Perhaps the polyp being removed and the new changes may just be the trick. Fingers crossed x
It’s so hard moving away from your own eggs and that’s why we did tandem abroad. It’s cheaper, can use your eggs and donor eggs at the same time, and when time is previous eg age it worked out a good option for us.
I’m sure your be fine with your decision and so many go on to have babies in there forties.
Once I got my head round donor for this current round we just did is fine with me. Better chance of it working too like 80% in our clinic.
Hi, hope your ok. Thanks for replying. I read a little bit about tandem when I saw you had done this. I didn’t quite understand it. Do you go through fresh IVF as well as a donor? Do you know if they transfer yours or donor? What’s the upside of tandem?
My clinic had said 60% chance where we’re at 15% now. That’s what makes it hard going for another fresh cycle of my own.
So you choose a donor (anonymous) and you both do fresh cycle at same time. For example last June I had three eggs and only 1 was top grade and my donor had 14 eggs and there was 6 top grade. So we decided to put mine back with two donor top grade. It’s not for everyone (no one shoot me down) but we were happy giving my eggs one last try. It worked but We lost our girl at 16 weeks. This tone we have done just donor and got 7 top grade blastocysts. My percentage was like 20%-40% this year is 80% with donor.
Feel free to private message me or ask me anything xx it’s quicker and cheaper abroad but obviously going abroad is not for everyone as well x
I will look into this route. Silly question but, When you have a mix of donor and own embryos put back obviously you don’t know which one was successful? So this way gives you a higher success rate with still having your own eggs as an option? If we do donor we’d go abroad as our clinic in the Uk works with a clinic in Cyprus. Thanks again. xx
Hi gemmy, I'm going through a similar decision right now. It's really heartbreaking to move to donor eggs but I guess there is a point at which women get exhausted trying and just to move on to having a positive pregnancy?
Hi, yes I guess it does come to that and maybe when I feel that’s the route to take that will be the time to move on. My consultant said he’d have suggested that to us this time round but changed his mind since the polyp removal. Have you made any future plans? X
Hi Gemmy
They’re really big decisions and the pace seems very quick although I understand the age factor. I think it’s important to feel ok with the next step and this takes time unfortunately. I’m not sure whether the chance of conceiving is like a cliff edge from age 40-41?
I’m 41 and have taken nearly a year to process my last BFN and to be in a position (financial and emotional) where I can attempt another cycle. This process is so personal though.
Embarking on my 4th cycle they’ve now put me on levothyroxine as my level whilst within normal limits is slightly high and apparently impacts on ability to conceive. This may be something to consider. I’m also doing the natural modified cycle (mild ivf) which focuses less on quantity of eggs than on ensuring quality of eggs. So for instance those eggs that are available in the cycle are given all the resources necessary to develop in the best possible way rather than spreading what resource is available on 15 eggs (making them poorer quality) and less likely to be successful.
Hi, thank you for your reply. I can understand the benefits of taking time off. I do wonder if we need longer than 6 weeks. But if it’s not going to effect the cycle I wonder if it’s best just to carry on. I hope your feel ready for your next cycle.
I have read a little about mild IVF and the concept makes sense. Not sure if my clinic offers this.
When I was doing NHS treatment (age 38, AMH of 7.19) our first cycle was a disaster and we had 6 collected, 3 fertilised with nothing to put back. At review we got told it was likely my eggs but we would get another shot. I started taking DHEA and we did better in this one, 6 eggs, 6 fertilised had 2 early cavitating blastocysts to put back - BFN. Due to how badly we did on our first cycle we were already considering DE, but if Im honest I really didnt think it would come to that or maybe just hoped. Our NHS Dr said we could try one last time as we got a decent number of eggs so I went for another cycle with OE, 9 eggs and 6 fertilised, got 1 blastocyst and another BFN. Before that last go my husband thought it was pointless to use my eggs again, I was narked as I thought "easy for you to say". However after giving it a last stab I did move to DE, its still not an easy decision but I do think its important to feel like you had a last go. If i had an endless pot of money (not many people do) I maybe would have tried again but I knew if we had we wouldnt have had the funds to move onto DE. I would say that even although we have not gotten our baby and we are still fighting hard but our odds are so much higher and our fight feels more realistic. There are no rights or wrongs out there, best of luck with what you decide!xx
Thank you for your lovely reply. I have also been taking DHEA and wonder if that’s how we got two blastos. I had kept wanting them to find a something that might be be reason but now wishing at this stage it wasn’t found and the decision would have been easier to move on to donor egg. Perhaps I need this one last go. Wishing you lots of luck on your continued journey xx
I think the big eye opener for me was after we moved to DE we got 6 blastocysts from 8 fertilised donor eggs on our first cycle which was huge for us and pretty much sealed the fact that my eggs were rubbish! Good luck.xx
I did see this post yesterday and didn’t know how to respond! It’s such a hard decision since you have had a polyp removed. I can only tell you what I’ve decided to do and that’s have one more round (my second) and then move straight to DE. Every clinic is different but mine did say the odds are against you if you have not responded after round 2. Now of course people do get pregnant after round 2 but the fact remains that the odds are reduced and we only have a finite amount of money. If we’re going abroad to have DE then I’d rather do it sooner rather than later. I feel I’ve already sacrificed so much of my life and time to this process that I just want to get on with it. Your situation is made more complicated in that it could have been the polyp so understand how completely difficult this choice is! Sorry I’ve not made it any easier but just thought I wanted to reply. Wishing you all the best xx
Thank you for your reply. It’s very kind of you. Hope your ok? I have got trust in my clinic and guess I have to trust that they would have told us if we’re wasting our time. We’d also like to do things quicker so that we can move on if we need to. Which is why we haven’t got long in between cycles. But I do wonder if there is a benefit in taking a long time out to recover. Such hard decision. Wishing you lots of lunch xx
That’s the most important thing that you trust your clinic and your consultant. So so important. Hmm I don’t know about the recovery time to be honest. Such a hard one!! Xx
I did one cycle at 39 which failed. I was told my chances were low. I also did not have money to keep trying so I decided to do a donor cycle thinking that if I was successful/ not and still had more money I could try again with own eggs. I think the thought that I could try again later with own eggs if i had money really helped. plus my prefered donor (sis) was also 36 which also meant i needed to move fast. I was successful on de cycle. I have money now and could try with oe if I wanted but do not feel like it. My babies just bring me joy and i forget for the most part that they are DE babies. they are mine. I cannot imagine life without them. It was a hard decision. I cried for a month (literally non-stop). it was a stressful time when I got my BFN with OE. I was by myself in a foreign country with no social support. Do I regret going DE? not in the least bit.
Thank you for your reply. Congrats with your BFP and glad it has all worked out for you and you are happy. And how lovely your sister was your donor. Amazing. X
Hi, we have been through this tough path. It took me 3 years (with depression) to overcome the idea that I will never have a child with my own egg. We first looked at adoption but soon decided it wasn’t for us. My husband was ready before me but still doubting if it was the right thing to do. We did our research, talked to people and kids who were conceived via egg donor and we decided it was for us. I am now 43 years old and 31 weeks pregnant. I thought this will never happen.
I have never been so happy in my life. This was the best decision for us.
You need to do what feels right for you. If at this moment in time doing another attempt with your own eggs seems the right thing and you can afford it, then do it otherwise you might regret. There are women who are 40 and fell pregnant. It could be you, who knows... take your time to think at all your options but. E honest with yourself even if it’s hard. That would be my advice.
I wish you all the best of luck with your next treatment and hope you will have a BFP. Take care xx
Thank you so much for your reply and congratulations on your BFP. I hear lots of success stories with DE and that’s what’s confusing. Obviously we just want a family from this whole process. We will keep thinking and keep researching. Thanks Xx
I hear all your thoughts. It is so hard. I am 45 but used my own eggs.
Never produced big numbers but it only takes one etc.
Had my killer cells checked as have had miscarriages and chemical pregnancy. Had treatment to lower my immune system t implantation. Am now 10 weeks pregnant.
Have you had any checks on how receptive your womb is - cos if it's not great then it's not going to be great for your eggs or donor ones.
I wish you peace in your decisions and sticky thoughts in your fertility sticking and working.
All the very best of luck. Hope your body is ready now that polyp is gone.
Firstly sorry to hear about your 4th failed cycle I can appreciate how hard it is and soul destroying my 3rd failed in March left me devastated and struggling with hormones I will b starting a 4th cycle soon and like u am excited but more so scared of it not working & having to deal with this but I can’t not go thru another round as we have frozen embryos and I will always think what if and need to feel I have done everything i can to try for a family, wishing u the best of luck and keeping everything crossed for u. xx
Hi thank you for your reply and sorry to hear of your BFN’s 😓 it is devastating. I hope you have had some time to recover. I can understand you wanting to try again with frozen. Wish you loads of luck. I’m still battling in my head with our choices. Xx
Thank u, yes I can only imagine but well done for making those choices not easy but a path for u to follow which could end with your happy and desired result 🤞👏🏻☺️ Xx
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