BFN but also big news : Our 4th... - Fertility Network UK

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BFN but also big news


Our 4th transfer has ended in another BFN...

We've decided to adopt!🤞🤞

Adoption is something we have talked about since we first started having trouble TTC. We said if we were lucky enough to have one child from this fertility treatment we would try to adopt a second. We also tried to pursue adoption before but we're told in this country you have to choose between adoption or fertiliity treatment, they can not run alongside each other.

And so now we've made the decision. I don't want people to view this as us running out of options and this being a back up plan. That is not how it is. Infact we still haven't used our free NHS cycle and my parents also graciously offered to fund any future private treatment we wanted. So the option of fertility treatments was very much still there for us.

Adoption feels right for us at this time. I want to pursue motherhood and right now adoption feels like the right way for us to do that.

I can honestly say it's like a weight has been lifted since we agreed to go down the adoption route. Of course I have swells of sadness.. I am letting go of a lot by ending our fertiliity treatment journey and I'm sure it will take some time to fully process those losses.

However my heart feels full to bursting when I think about what I could gain through adoption. I thought this decision would take more out of me, I thought I'd be consumed with sadness for a long time.. Like how I normally am after a failed cycle.

Turns out more often than not.. This time around.. I am consumed with excitement and love ❤️

That being said I will continue to root for every single person on here no matter how they decide to pursue parenthood 💕

39 Replies

I am so sorry for the failed cycle but also whoooopppp that’s soooo exciting and such a wonderful thing!! So exciting for you!! xx

Thank you ❤️

That’s fantastic! I really considered it too, and my husband has come across parents here in NI who got their wee babas from as young as a few days old through foster to adopt. I wish you all the best! ❤️❤️❤️

aamiller405 in reply to Bramble_

Thank you so much.. Yeah I think were going to try and go down the foster to adopt route xo

Sorry to hear about your BFN. It a very kind and brave new journey that you are embarking on and I wish you all the best with it. Would be lovely to hear how you get on!xx

Thank you.. I suppose I dont really fit on this form any more but I will post any milestone changes x


Really sorry that fertility treatment hasn’t given you a baby- but very excited for you to adopt. It’s such an amazing thing to so many children need good parents & you will be perfect. I wish you the best with it. Do keep us updated Xx

aamiller405 in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much x

Good for you!! I would do it in a heartbeat but my husband isn't so keen. I'll try and convince him as my back up. Well done in your decision. Xx

Thank you.. We definitely feel good about the decision x

Im so sorry re the failed cycle and that it has been a long rough journey. It also is so inspirational as you do chose motherhood first❤️. Adoption has been always on my mind and hopefully one day i can offer motherhood to a bubba that needs it. Wish you all the best for the journey and would love to hear updates from you and the process 💐💐💐

aamiller405 in reply to Mimisami

Thank you very much ill post any big uodates on here x

So sorry to hear about your BFN but wishing you lots of love and luck in your next steps lovely xx

aamiller405 in reply to Lots8788

Thank you x

I love this so much - it's something that I've always thought about too, and it's so lovely you've settled on this decision. I'm sorry that IVF hasn't brought you a pregnancy and baby - but this is such a wonderful step instead. It really fills me with happiness to know that you've decided to create your family via another route :) and gives me hope that if IVF doesn't work for us, this would make me happy too xxx

Aw im glad to here that.. All the very best with your journey. Ill still be following

So sorry to hear you’ve had another failure but my heart is bursting with joy to read your news. This is amazing! I wish you every bit of luck as you embark on this new adventure. Please keep us posted. Big hugs Xx

aamiller405 in reply to jengi

Thank you so much i will do x

I’m so sorry you didn’t get a bfp but wish you all the best for your next amazing journey. Good luck lovely xxx

Thank you very much x

Bless you Aamiller. Sorry IVF hadn’t worked out but what an amazing journey lies ahead 😘x

Thank you 😊

What exciting news! I hope Everything goes smoothly! Keep us all posted! X

aamiller405 in reply to Rain415

Thank you.. I will do x

Sorry to hear about your failed cycle. However, this is such exciting news for u!!!! I hope the road to adoption is smooth sailing for u and u get your family. Xxx

Thank you 😊 x

Congrats on your new journey lovely! Adoption is a wonderful thing, wishing you all the very best 💗 xx

aamiller405 in reply to Chel91

Thank you very much x

I’m really sorry about your BFN, it’s never easy to see a negative test, specially after what we are going through with IVF. However I’m so happy to hear you have a plan and adoption is a great plan. Hope that journey is as smooth and you get to be mother to your baby very soon. 😘😘

aamiller405 in reply to Mara84

Thank you very much x

Ahhh this is amazing, I hope all goes well for you both through the adoption process ❤️

aamiller405 in reply to Myeggs

Thank you very much x

So sorry to hear about your BFN, but excited for you on the start of a whole new journey - adoption. How exciting for you. Wishing you all the best with adoption. Lots of love. xxx

aamiller405 in reply to ttcemmie

Thank you x

Congratulations on choosing such a difficult path! ❤️My husband and I thought of it but in the end I couldn’t cope with the idea that perhaps after fostering a baby for some time she/he could have been returned to the biological family as the court case/social services have decided would break my heart! 💔adoption also is such a long and difficult process...your relationship gets scrutinised by multiple sources and the wait to get a baby 😱would drive me crazy!!!

I’m sorry I am not trying to discourage you, actually the opposite- saying you’re really strong and brave! Wishing you the best of luck! 🥳

Im hoping the horrible journey that is fertility will have set us up to deal with this next journey in some ways.. Thank you x

I am so happy for you that you’ve decided to go down this path. I have been considering adoption myself since my mmc, I want to put ttc away from my mind however, my husband wants to go down the route of having a load of tests first and then decide.

Personally I think adoption is wonderful not just for the child but you as parents. For me I wouldn’t be expecting to have a newborn but a child under 2 or sibling group. I know of two couples who started their adoption journey and within 10 months they brought their children home and both were under 1 years old.

Good luck with this journey. Please keep us all updated.

Very well written , especially about the weight being lifted off. We are under so much pressure that we end up Not enjoying All good things that happen around us. If it doesn’t work out for me, I would also rather choose adoption. Thank you for this message. It’s given me some kind of a hope to see that there could be light at the end of tunnel, but it’s upto us to see that light ❤️

Aw im really glad adoption is a choice for you and I hope you find your happy ending whatever that might look like ❤️

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