I'm just about to start my 5th round of IVF and terrified of it not working out. Today i found out a woman who reports to me is pregnant, she is the second one in a matter of months. I have to manage them through their pregnancy and i just don't feel i can do it. I'm sat here crying at my desk and have to take a call in 15 minutes, literally can't cope.
I just needed to say it to people that understand. Any advice is helpful, i just dont know how i'm going to cope.
I'm so sorry and totally understand your feelings. It's so hard trying to be happy and supportive of other people when your own heart is breaking. My sister in law just announced she is pregnant and I burst into tears as soon as we hung up the phone. You're not alone and it's really really ok to feel not ok xx
Oh i'm so sorry, it's just so hard isn't it. I'd much rather we had nicer news to share with each other but it really is comforting to know we're not alone and we're understood. xx
Can someone else take this call today ? Take some time out ? Make sure you are getting support from your OH - take advantage of your counselling appointment . Is your work aware you are having fertility treatment and do they have a policy regarding this that might be helpful for you . Take a look at our website fertilitynetworkuk.org - Fertility in the Workplace Thinking of you
Janet
I managed my call somehow. Work don't know, i don't feel comfortable telling them for a number of reasons. They only offer 3 days per year for IVF which doesn't even touch the sides. That's already done with one cycle for egg collection and transfer. It's the emotional side of managing work and IVF together that is so hard and unsupported. xx
lovely, you don't have to cope with work and ivf, speak with your gp and get some well needed time off. It was the best thing I ever did second time around, I wish so much I'd of done this the first time as I was real mess. IVF is a full time job and hard to cope with on its own, without factoring in general life, work and pregnancy announcements. You really need to look after yourself the best way that you can and being at work, by the sounds of it, isn't where you need to be right now. Work will always be there, you need to forget about what's not important and concentrate on your well being ❤️
Thanks so much for the advice. I have come close to taking some time out and not done it but today was the first time i felt like i really might have to. xxx
I felt so much better for it xx
Hi. I’m sorry, it’s a very difficult situation to be in but know that you are not alone. I work in a team of 5 and one after the other 3 of them announced they were expecting and I just crumbled (by all means I was happy for them but it’s so hard when you are going through your own difficulties). I would suggest if it’s too much then ask someone else to support on your colleagues pregnancy meetings, it’s ok to take a step back and think about you’re own well-being. Sending you so much love.
Thank you. I'm sorry, that must have been really hard for you. Going to have a think about a plan to work around it for sure. xx
I remember just after a failed round my sister in law announced her 2nd pregnancy - I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I had to smile and congratulate her while so traumatised on the inside. Nobody knew what we were going through.
Sending you the strength to get through today - take time off if needed.
Xxx
I’m here with you and crying with you too, we all know ‘logically’ that one person having a baby doesn’t take it away from us having a baby but it bloody well feels like it ! If you can arrange a way to have her report to someone else that would be the best thing , at least ask if it can be arranged because that sounds like the best thing for you! I’m here praying for your time and your good news ! 
can you hand over anything to anyone else, including management responsibility. During and after second round of IVF, i realised i wasn't coping at all, and someone was pregnant. I spoke to my management, and we found them someone else to report into in a friendly "o i am at capacity and so and so has gone through some of the maternity stuff before, so we thought it would be helpful". No one's feelings were hurt, and it meant I didn't need to pretend to be excited and helpful when it was all they wanted to talk about. I really recommend doing this, not only from your mental health perspective, but because in that case the person who was pregnant ended up being quite contentious about time off, and reasonable adjustments etc. If it had been me managing them, i would've worried that the fact i was going through treatments would've been used against me, like i had treated them unfairly, and would've added to my stress.
I agree with all the helpful advice. I only wanted to add that you’ll actually be doing the right thing to look for support and find someone else to manage them on your behalf, not only because you will be looking after your mental health, but also so that they get the right support and flexibility they may need without any potential bias involved. As fair as you may try to be, it is really important to have a good manager during a pregnancy and in preparation for mat leave. I have thankfully had great managers during fertility treatment and now through pregnancy that I really value the key role they play in my mental and physical wellbeing.
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling. Work pregnancies are so hard as often colleagues don’t have a clue what you’re going through and so you end up hearing about every update, symptom etc. When I was trying to work out whether my husband and I would be able to have a biological child, my manager and a close peer announced their pregnancies and it was tough. Forcing a smile on team calls whilst they spoke about it was soooooooo draining.
I agree with Holly re taking time out. I had my first cycle earlier in the year and took a month out as I really wasn’t coping very well. It was one of the best things I’ve ever done and has completely reshaped how I view work in the grander scheme of my life. It will give you the space to protect yourself from pregnancies if that’s what you need right now and just give you the time to take care of yourself and do things you enjoy. Xx
Yes I know the feeling like when my sister got pregnant as I had started IVF. Unfortunately the high change in Hormones made me pretty unhappy, unstable and depressed.
I hear you!!! Im in the exact same boat it's so tough isn't it? My company is so lovely etc but it's very male dominated and quite young. I'm 38 and on my 4th round of IVF after a stillbirth last year. There have been 5 or 6 pregnancy announcements in the office lately and its so hard. Feel like I'm always on the brink of tears. 😢 .I was contemplating asking for 3 months unpaid leave as need to do 2 back to back cycles and donor sperm and can't get the headspace but the flipside is work is a positive distraction in ways amd I need the money for the treatments.
It's so tough - all I can suggest is being transparent with your manager, I was really surprised how decent my company was and while nobody asks how you are doing or checks in, they do give me space and flex if I need for appointments etc?
Sending loads of love Xxx
I am sorry you are going through this. As I was going through my first lenghty loss, a colleague announced her pregnancy as she hit the 12 week ‘safe’ mark. She was so excited. Her due date was on the dot the same as mine would have been. By the time she went on maternity leave. I was past my second loss and starting IVF with not very good chances of success. She was so excited to go and meet her baby. I wished her well and will never forget that day and what it felt like. I was only lucky we were in lock down then and I was working at home alone. No one knew about our struggles then. It was hard as it was. It would have been harder if people knew.So. You are not alone. There are people who understand what it feels like. It is awful. You are very strong. Try to do some nice things for yourself. Take time off if you can. Sending you a virtual hug.
I am also just about to start my 5th IVF cycle. I am experiencing a lot of anxiety and my sister in law just announced a surprise pregnancy and spoke about how she is going to struggle again after a 9 year age gap between this baby and her youngest. I felt like falling on the spot I could not believe she was complaining to me. I have found the past year extremely hard on our two year IVF journey and previous endometriosis and friboid surgeries. I feel every bit of what you are going through. In my workplace I have had every comment under the sun from I suppose you're going on another holiday this summer so easy for you with no children, your dogs are your children, some people really want children straight after they get married etc I find it hard most days to cope at work to be honest.You are not alone. Good luck with your next cycle ❤️
Yes I get this a lot, people saying where you off on holiday, you’re so lucky you can do what you want with no kids etc. if only they knew every single day of holiday is used on treatment! Xx
I go through this for every part of my IVF treatment. I have written my few words of advice below. Remember you are not alone and there will be better days
It’s absolute crap I know but you are strong. Go to the toilet and take a few breaths and give yourself a moment to gather your thoughts. You’ve got this. I know it’s exhausting always pretending that everything is ok, but you can make it. We understand Xoxox
Thank you so much to everyone for your comforting comments. I’m definitely going to have a think about my approach to work and how I’m going to handle the months ahead. I really don’t know how I’d get through without all your amazing support and understand xxx
Hello I really really understand how you feel. I had multiple colleagues who are currently either preg or maternity and had a couple of friends who announced they are pregnant. I also have two other friends who got pregnant during their first transfer. I have transferred myself to an easier work place during the last few months and that is why I encounter more pregnant colleagues. It is overall easier for me but during difficult days it can be quite hard. I keep reminding myself that this is their journey and I keep focused on mine. If you are having difficult days take some time off by speaking to your GP. If you can switch to an easier work place for now do so. If not utilise your sick leave. After all, infertility is a medical condition even though unfortunately it is not recognised and understood a lot. Hugs to you my dear. I will be starting my shots in two days. If you wish keep in touch! Xxx hugs your way
Hi,
I totally agree with others re taking time off work if you feel you need to. I have struggled through 3 years of IVF being a primary school teacher; constantly stressed, exhausted, overworked and not leaving any time for myself or my partner. All the sneaking out of class to take phone calls with bad news then going straight back into class and carrying on like nothing happened, with none of my colleagues having any clue. I decided to take some time off to put myself first for once. 5 weeks after going off we had another round and I’m currently 13 weeks pregnant. I realised nothing is going to jeopardise us getting the furthest we’ve ever got so I’m staying off work the full 6 months and I can honestly say, it the best decision I’ve ever made. Your GP Should be nothing but supportive!
You have to look after yourself at this crucial time in life and won’t regret a second. Put you first.
Wishing you all the luck xxx
I'm so sorry you went through this alone, that feeling of carrying on like nothing has happened is the hardest. I'm giving some serious thought into how i handle working whilst going through this. I've decided to take a full two weeks off (at least) to do my next cycle which i've never done before. I might talk to my doctor about taking some sick after transfer if i don't feel ready to go back. Congratulations on your pregnancy, this was just the positive news i needed today! xx
Thank you so much 😊 That’s great you’re taking 2 weeks- and if you need more you take it, ok?! 😉 xx
Hi I totally get this. I worked alongside my first round of IVF last year and it was so difficult with colleagues talking about their kids, clients asking me when I was planning on having kids and so on. I actually quit my job when the round wasn’t successful as I couldn’t deal with it any longer. I understand not everyone is in a position to be able to do that as my other half can cover us both, but even taking sick leave at this time would give you a break from having to be professional about it all and putting on the brace face. I’ve learned that’s it’s ok to not put on a brave face all the time and adapting to the situation and making changes to get through it is the best thing to do rather than putting up with the situation when it’s hurting us. I had to deal with my other half’s 3 best friends having 5 babies between them in the space of 2 years whilst we were trying and it really is hard, can’t imagine having to deal with that as a manager whilst going through the IVF. If you can take some sick leave then do it, work will never love you back you have to love yourself and give yourself a break xx
Thanks so much for the response. I am giving it some serious thought, as i'm constantly being bombarded for appointments and mat leave cover etc whilst trying to be happy for them at an unbelievably sad and stressful time for me. We couldn't afford for me to not work so it would have to be sick leave. I've got two weeks holiday from next week in which i'll be doing my fifth cycle, i'll see after that if i need further time off. xx
No worries and here if you need to chat. Just put yourself and your well-being first xxx
That must be so tough, hopefully this round will work and you will be joining them in being pregnant very soon xx
Struggling 😞
To work or not to work? 
struggling 😢😢😢
Struggling
Struggling 
