Returning to work after BFN

Hi Ladies 

This probably seems a very random question to ask!! But tomorrow is going to be my first day back at work after 3 weeks off for ivf. Obviously we have a BFN I'm finding it very difficult at the moment to except that embie just did not survive!! I know it may seem silly but I'm really nervous to go back to work and face everyone after our failed cycle!! I have a good circle of female Co workers but I'm just worried I will not cope or just be bursting into tears!! How has everyone else coped with going back to normal as such xx

12 Replies

  • Tbh you will Probs welcome the normality and distraction from everything you have been though, I know I did. Good luck xx

  • It's hard no two ways about it. If your work mates are supportive then I'm sure they'll understand you're emotional. I wasn't as lucky the first time my work mates were basically retched to me (long story) and also worked in a shop where lots of women with kids came in. I think eventually you just need to grieve as you do with any loss and eventually you'll cope with it. I do hope you've got other chances and again eventually you'll be able to just focus on that. And use this place to vent/rant/ whatever you need to do because someone here knows your pain xx

  • We have a frostie to use when we both feel ready. We have a review app 6th June. We have no plans to rush back into things we thought this year by Christmas we would finally have our own family. But hey Ho wasn't mentioned to be so we've decided we will probably just see the year out now then go again!! X

  • Tbh I just plodded through no one at work knew what I went through and to make worst there was a pregnant lady there, then another and my niece was pregnant and another of my friends... I blocked it out and cried at home, I hurt all the time and was sad as sad can be but there is light and it does get better.  Still sad for the 6 embies that didn't implant of my own eggs to me all in all it feels

    Like I have lost 9 babies....including my mc and eptopic.

    Take one day at a time and if you feel you are not ready then you are not ready.

    Massive hugs xx

  • I sent my colleagues an email to say it hadn't worked and that I didn't want to talk about it at work in case I got upset. I only told a select few for round 2 and even fewer on round 3, they will all have noticed the absence of a bump so know that the treatment didn't work. It did help to have a few colleagues who knew and occasionally I chatted to them about the treatment. 

    Our first round went really well until test day, it was such as shock to get a BFN. Time has helped. 

  • I told a close friend I worked with it didnt work then he told work and ask they don't mention it as I would be too emotional. Everyone just acted normally and I liked it! I started to speak about it when I felt emotionally ready x

  • It takes time. With my first two failed ivf's I moped about at work for a while. I just didn't feel "well" until about a month after the drugs were out my system. I explained to my boss how I am feeling but that couldn't really understand. No two days are the same. It will get easier. 

    I'd run off if I saw a mother and baby so I didn't have to speak to them. Just to avoid the comments like " kids who'd have them" etc... 

    Really hope you feel better soon. Just be kind to yourself and put you first as that's the most important. x x 

  • Thinking of you today and hoping you are ok. It's not easy at all but hopefully you have some kind supportive people around you xxx

  • I just went back today. Breathe. You WILL be ok. I dunno why I felt embarrassed after it failed for us, completely out with your control. 

    You will still be grieving. I asked my manager to let folk know it hadn't worked & that I did not want to talk about it to make sure I could just focus on my work. 

    Also finished early today - long bath & lots of TLC tonight. 

    You are stronger than you believe, honestly xxx

  • Hi hope84. I was same as you really nervous going back to work after failed cycle, although some knew reason I was absent and some didn't everyone overall was glad to see me back. Been back a month now and distraction is good, and your time away from work is even more precious. I hope your first day back went well and continues to so.If you get a bit emotional that perfectly fine. We are all only human after all. Things will get easier at work in time. Take care xxx

  • To be honest the first day back was always going to be the hardest and the worst! But it was totally fine I even managed to laugh everyone was glad to see me back and I was actually glad to be back. It was a welcome distraction and today is only half day we close early on Fridays 😊. Once I'm back to a routine I will be totally fine!!! Now to get back to some normal routines and life xx

  • I'm glad your first day back was better than you'd feared. Nice to know you were missed by your colleagues. They will be upset for you that it didn't work this time and will no doubt be sending good vibes your way.

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