Struggling after failed IVF, haven't been able to return to work.

[LauraMary83]

Hi all,

I recently posted about our first failed IVF, thanks to everyone who took time to be supportive I really appreciate it. I just wonder whether what I am still feeling is normal. I have been unable to return to work since the failed cycle and have been off sick for a month now, this includes the 2 week wait. I feel so unhappy I just don't know what to do. I really cannot face going back but feel in a limbo, like I've stepped out of reality. I am a disabled children's social worker so it's quite an emotive and intense job.

I just wondered if anyone else has felt this way and what you did, whether I should just bite the bullet or actually accept I can't cope with it anymore.

Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated, I just feel hopeless and like I can't get past this sadness, it's such a seemingly endless journey.

Thank you xxx

[Blondyboo]

oh hun its not easy is it? I hated going back to work as well and was dreading it but found once the first day was out the way I actually found it helped getting back to normal.

Maybe some counseling would help? I personally just found getting back to 'normal' routine helped me and talking to close friends and family. Also making a plan for more treatment gave be something to focus on. xx

[LauraMary83 in reply to Blondyboo]

I think you're right, I just can't seem to make myself do it. I really want to plan the next treatment but our follow up isn't for a few weeks yet

I really hope you are on a positive journey? Xx

[Hope04]

Hi Laura,

I'm so sorry about your failed cycle, it must be really hard for you.

I'm currently awaiting transfer day (tomorrow) and keep thinking about it not working and being able to go back to work - I'm a Midwife.

I had an ectopic pregnancy in December and found it really difficult to go back. I had 6 weeks off in total and by then I actually felt like I wanted to go back.

I had difficult days but the majority of the time it helped take my mind of things.

Only go back to work when you're ready and people kept telling me you know when you're ready and I did find that to be true.

Hopefully your managers at work are supporting you as well which makes all the difference.

When you do go back ask about phased return, where you don't do full days/weeks to gently ease you back into it.

I agree that maybe getting a plan in place with future treatments will help as well.

Xx

[LauraMary83 in reply to Hope04]

Thanks so much, that's such helpful advice. Wow your job is incredibly tough while going through all of this. Sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy, I will be thinking of you for this next two weeks and wishing you all the very best.

Again, thanks for your advice xx

[Tugsgirl]

I've struggled to return to work after my recent missed miscarriage. It was like my OH and my home had become this little bubble and I was content to stay there, with him, I felt almost protected from the real world.. It sounds silly but the last time I was at work, the last time we'd done our shopping, the last time I'd been to my Mum's, I'd been pregnant and happy. Going back to work meant facing up to being there and not being pregnant. It's hard to describe.. My Mum only lives up the road from me so the first thing I did before work was go to my Mum's. It was ok. I bit the bullet and went back to work. I've had a few tears even today but I knew I couldn't put it off forever. If I hadn't forced myself when I did I might never have gone back. This weekend just past we did the weekly shop in town instead of going out of town (as I had done since our miscarriage) it was just another one of those things I had to face. Of course I don't work in your line of work so that must make things harder but my advice would be to take little steps. Take it one day at a time. Is there anyone at work you could speak to who understands? Who would let you come back on a trial basis? Or part time? Just to see how you get on? xx

[LauraMary83]

Hello, thanks for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage xxx

I totally know what you mean about your little bubble - that's how I feel I just want the world to go away.

I also know that I'm in danger of never going back at all if I'm not a bit braver. I have a lovely boss but a crazy job that I will be so behind with the families, that's putting me off too!

One day at a time seems the best way. I really hope you continue getting stronger and that things will work out for you xx

[Tugsgirl in reply to LauraMary83]

And you too 🤞xx

[vic77]

So sorry about your failed cycle. I know exactly how you feel. Everyone is different and take as much time as you need. After our first bfn I went straight back to work..huge mistake. This time I took a few days off and that helped but I can honestly say it has taken me about a month to feel almost normal this time.I just felt so so sad. We have a plan now which will help you too when you are ready. Funny what Tugsgirl said about being in a bubble. I just felt like I wanted to be small and inside my husbands pocket so he could look after me. Didn't want to be far from him or my dog and didn't want to see anyone else.I have never felt like that before as I am a super social person. We socialised there at the weekend for the first time since our 2nd bfn and I felt normal againwhich was good. Take all the time you need and know that what you are feeling is understandable..sending hugs xxx

[LauraMary83 in reply to vic77]

Thanks for your message, you sound just like me! I am also really sociable normally but I feel like I just want to hide at the moment, plus over the past couple of years I have watched all of my group have babies and it makes me hold back, which is another side effect of 'infertility' that people don't get, the loneliness. I'm forcing myself to go out and see friends over the next week rather than mope about. Wishing you all the best for your journey and hugs back xxx

[vic77 in reply to LauraMary83]

Take your time and do whatever feels right to you above all take care of yourself and put yourself first xx

[LauraMary83 in reply to vic77]

Thank you and same to you, so many strong ladies on here! It really helps xxx

[Hidden]

Sorry to hear your struggling it's very tough emotionally so take your time everyone is different. Would your work offer a faised return so you could go back gradually so it wasn't as over whelming xx

[LauraMary83 in reply to Hidden]

Hello, yes that's a good idea, my boss is wonderful so she will be supportive of that idea I'm sure. Thank you and I hope you are well on your journey? Xx

[Hidden in reply to LauraMary83]

Not bad thanks about to start our 5th cycle 😬😬

[LauraMary83]

You sound really strong, wishing you all the very best for this cycle xxx

[Hidden in reply to LauraMary83]

I have ups and downs but just try and keep the end focus in mind. Try and remember there's no right or wrong way to deal with this as everyone is different xx 😘 😘

[LauraMary83 in reply to Hidden]

I think you sound amazing, you so deserve this sending all positive thoughts to you xxx

[Hidden in reply to LauraMary83]

Thanks xxxxx

[anne67907]

i understand what you are saying completely. it is a really tough thing to go through, and you should take all the time that you need to to feel better. i had to face not just one, but three unsuccessful ivf cycles, and after everytime, i would feel just as disappointed. i was a really really tough time, not just for me, but for my husband too. we were both so hurt and dissapointed, and we were at a complete loss about what to do. as bad as it was though, we got better, and things passed over, and we started feeling normal and like ourselves again. so keep faith, and take your time. it is normal and you will get through this, and you will feel fine afterwards. it is not something you are going through alone. i hope that your experience with ivf goes well. it wasnt the option that worked for me, but i would still tell you to try because i saw it work for a lot of people at my clinic. for us, that wasnt an option, but our clinic offered surrogacy. the difficult thing was the travel out of the country, but other than that, my surrogacy experience was so wonderful and now, i have a beautiful baby. i hope that you find your way to start a family and i hope that you are on your way to that. take it easy and take your time. it will work out! best of luck!