What do i say?

[Teebo88]

Hi ladies, we lost our little embryo last week after testing a low positive. Ive had a week off work, now back at work, but i dont know how to react to people. I am still numb, i cant concentrate, or sleep very well. I am still getting bad endometriosis pains as well. I darnt go back to the office so working from home. I don't want to see anyone apart from my husband.

But my boss (and a few others) have asked how am doing...... I actually have no idea how to answer that question right now as i dont know myself. I just seem to be existing n floating through the day. I could sit an stare at nothing all day. I dont think ive got the energy or any years left to cry anymore

How do people get by this?

[Skittles11]

I know these feelings well. I find the "how are you" question impossible to answer and in the past when I have been particularly fragile I have simply been honest with people and told them I don't know how to answer that question. Feeling numb and not being able to concentrate are all very normal feelings when you are distressed. Your loss is very recent so I would say give yourself time to process this, if you need to keep distant from others for a time than this is perfectly okay. I have spoken to counsellors and my GP in the past when it has become too much for me and this is an option you could consider. Getting out for a walk each day is something that also can really help xx

[Teebo88 in reply to Skittles11]

Thank you x

[MrsOrangejuice]

I don't know about how to respond as I didn't tell anyone about our treatment, or losses at the time, but then that made it hard for other reasons as people didn't know to be sensitive or I had work or personal situations that were very difficult and I didn't have a 'reason' to avoid them or explain why I was struggling. I think it's normal though how you're feeling - the idea of going back to office, socializing etc, was hard. I was numb and I just wanted to get under the covers and go to sleep for as long as it took. It's nice that people have checked in on you - I think there's a tendency to avoid difficult subjects or saying anything that may cause upset, even if kindly meant, so at least they're showing some compassion and care. I don't think you need to say or explain anything to anyone else though, just be. No-one will be offended or have expectations. You'll get through it and if you need it there is support available, but it's a horrible place to inhabit while you're there x

[sun-and-rain]

Why don't you just say it as it is, that you're not having the best period if your life, but that you don't want to talk about it? People are always expecting others to be just fine, but that's just not hos life is. For anyone.

[Star241]

I am right here going back to work after an unsuccessful ivf cycle was awful but although I didn’t tell my workplace I just did say I am finding everything overwhelming and I may not be myself for sometime I think work will support you. I did find questions from friends very difficult 😥 I just said I am still processing and when I am ready I will talk to you, don’t know if this helps at all xxx

[Roobs33]

Heya, I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this. It is such an awful thing to experience and can really make you feel so isolated. I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago after a FET in January. I went into planning mode straight after which I’ve done for the last few years after several bad diagnosis including severe endemetriosis and a failed fresh transfer. I immediately called a nutritionist who specialises in endo and fertility. It did help speaking with her and she put me on a plan to help me recover and prepare for another round in June. It was nice to just have someone listen and give me some ideas on what to do. I felt I could see a few friends and feel a bit normal for a while. Since the beginning of this week I suddenly have that sinking feeling and anxiety creeping in. Just feeling exhausted about my situation and the dread of going through it all again. I’m sorry to hear you have endo too! It’s really added another layer of crap to everything, as symptoms start appearing again. I’ve been thinking of booking a one off counseling session through my clinic before June as I think at some point all the awful feelings will catch up with me and I hope that talking to someone will make my feelings more valid.

Perhaps you could just say to your work that things are not great at the moment but thank you for asking. I find it worse when people don’t say anything as they don’t know what to say but always think even asking how you are (even

If you feel shit) means they are thinking about you. Just do what you need to do and try not to worry about others as you’ve been through something awful. Sending you lots of hug & support xxxx

[Maisie234]

I am surprised you are back at work. Honestly, I would be going back to my GP and having at least a month off. I had to take way more than that as like you I couldn't concentrate and just wanted to be at home with my husband and not deal with work. You need time out. It does get better but right now I think it's too much to put a face on. XXX

[Teebo88 in reply to Maisie234]

Right now i feel like this. As i said I suffer with endo. I stopped bleeding last week (thurs/fri) but ice low still been in pain an discomfort since. This is a different kinda pain though, everything down there feels heavy an like a tugging sensation as well as sharp jabs, ive had a heat pack glued to me all week. Finally called my fertility clinic this morning to be told your no longer under us you need to speak to your GP. I am sat here in floods of tears as i feel since getting that call to say ive lost it ive been abandoned. I had to call them 4 days after as id not had any follow up of what next or as how i am.

Im just a mess. I cant not work as i dont get paid for sick other than SSP.

Am so sorry to just blurt that at u but i just needed to

[Ownyee in reply to Teebo88]

This is hard! I can only imagine how you feel and no words will make it better . This journey puts you through one of the hardest road in life but I hope you find support. I hope your GP comes up with a plan. Its hard to go through loss and yet feel abandoned. You wil get through this!

[Blueberry211]

I can totally relate to how you feel. I am numb as well and am crying very often. We had a bfn three days ago. I am trying to take it day by day xx sending you love