My husband wants to end our fertility journey

[Becatoms]

Hi all,

I’ve been on my journey for almost 7 years.

Initially my husband and I were tagged as having unexplained infertility, through ICSI, 3 egg collections we transferred 7 embryos and suffered 3 miscarriages.

Last year my husband found out that he has a balanced translocation of two of his chromosomes( it’s where bits break off and swap) thank goodness he is healthy, but it gives us a 1in 8 chance of having a healthy embryo.

We recently had our 4th egg collection which yielded one embryo which will be pgd tested.

If this doesn’t prove fruitful, my husband doesn’t want to go through this journey any longer. At 41 I feel too young to give up, but for him he feels the BT is a constant reminder of his failure. He doesn’t want to use a sperm doner nor adopt, so it really is the end of my journey and I feel so sad.

Any advice on how to deal with this would be really helpful. xx

[Skittles11]

Hi Becatoms. This is a very challenging situation as both you and your husband have been through so much and there is no right or wrong as to what to do next.

I know about balanced translocations as I was tested for it after my baby had Edwards Syndrome. I was lucky to not have the translocation but the fear was very real so i can sympathise with how your husband must feel.

Your feelings are also so important though and it sounds like maybe you aren't ready to call it a day. I would suggest the two of you could speak to a counsellor who specialises in fertility issues and relationships so you can discuss the options with an impartial person.

It's such a sensitive situation, I'm sorry. Xx

[sun-and-rain in reply to Skittles11]

I subscribe to what she said ❤ Counselling sounds wise. And at the end, if you don't succeed this time or in any eventual subsequent cycle, you will have to decide if you love your husband enough to continue your life with him without children, or if your desire for children is so big that you're willing to leave him to continue on your own... Rough choice, though... Let's hope this last one will stick and give you the family so much longed for, so you won't have to choose ❤

[Marisa32]

My brother had the same issue. He is not in the UK, so the basic initial tests revealed the problem prior to any IVF treatment started. He was advised to do PGT on all embryos prior to transfer and ended up with 2 healthy embryos, one is already a little boy. He was devastated by the diagnosis also but it's important to remember that genetic testing of embryos is super helpful in this case. It's too bad that it took your clinic this long to figure out something so basic. Hopefully, he will decide to give it one more try.

[Cinna-mom]

Hello. Give ur husband some time to rethink the situation. My husband wanted to give up too because of the failed transfers and the strain on us financially, mentally, emotionally and physically. But now we have a healthy baby boy and he recently thanked me for not giving up. Sending love during this difficult time to u and ur husband. ❤️

[gianna83]

I am sorry you are going through this very difficult time. I can understad your husband's feeligs,it sucks so badly to be told that something in you isn't ''proper'',''normal'',whatever..If i were you,i would let him calm down for a month or so,no talks about ivf etc and then have a heart-to-heart.If i were you,i would not give up on my dream.