BFP after FET (lucky I know) but feeling nothing but huge fear

[SimsB]

Hello. Firstly I want to apologise if this sounds insensitive as I know so many people dont have BFP. I’ve been there so I know, last round was a chemical pregnancy, the clinic had never told me about these and just congratulated me and said book in for a scan when I called to say BFP rest and so I thought it had worked and told my friends and family I was pregnant. Anyway, I digress. I tested yest after the hellish wait between transfer and testing day and it’s positive. I’m doing this round alone. And I’ve just felt really low since. I had induced labour at 23 weeks in 2019 and list my baby and since BFP instead of feeling ecstatic I feel full of doom and worried that I am going to have a late miscarriage. Does anyone have any tips for getting out of this negative space?

[Llizzie]

Firstly congratulations! I had extreme anxiety after my BFP and unfortunately it turned into a bout of antenatal depression and I ended up taking medication during my pregnancy to deal with it. I wish I’d taken steps to try and deal with it sooner - have you thought about doing some counselling? Some meditation/mindfulness exercises? A hobby you can distract yourself with? I did some counselling pre IVF but looking back I should have done it after my positive. I assumed I would be ecstatic and instead I was petrified (not helped by Covid lockdowns). You might also find it useful to join the pregnancy after infertility group here, and there’s also one on Facebook. I found it helpful to speak to other women who were also anxious. I hope you find some peace and best of luck with your pregnancy x

[SimsB in reply to Llizzie]

Thank you very much for your response. It is really helpful to know that others have felt the same despite it being such a lucky start in the process ! I didn’t know of those groups but I will join them and perhaps have some counselling offered through the clinic! All the best 🌹

[MakingbabyN]

Hi love, sorry to read about your late loss and also your ectopic. There is nothing more painful than losing a baby. We lost our baby at 16 weeks.

I’m also pregnant again, very early days - currently 7+1. Like you, I’m also terrified.

There’s not a lot I can say to reassure you, but one thing that’s helped me is that this time I’m going to be getting better care and closer monitoring. Scans every 2 weeks and a referral to a mid-loss clinic. Also going to push to get a consultant appt early doors to discuss whether I need a stitch this time. I’m also going to be on progesterone through to 30 weeks.

We have to choose hope over fear and believe that this is our time.

When’s your first scan? Xx

[SimsB in reply to MakingbabyN]

Thank you and congratulations to you too. I hope all is still going well and am sorry for my delayed response. I am also sorry to hear that you are also terrified but it is comforting to hear that I am not alone in feeling like this! I will also be asking for a stich and to be closely monitored and just hope that everything works out and that I can relax into it a bit more. Best wishes with everything.

[AuroraXen]

Congratulations! This is brilliant. I'm sorry you've had such a traumatic time and honestly don't blame you at all for feeling scared. All you can do is take it one baby step (excuse the pun!) at a time. Getting pregnant in the first place means you've crossed so many hurdles. Focus on that next immediate milestone maybe, one week at a time. Remember this is a whole new story... New embryo, new womb status quo. There is no reason this WON'T work 🤞❤ Hopefully others should have walked in your shoes can advise on things like meditative apps etc that helped them conquer that awful anxiety xx

[SimsB in reply to AuroraXen]

Thank you so much for your kind, helpful reply and apologies for my delay in responding. I have been trying to digest my lucky news and take it day by day. Fingers crossed all works out for the best!

[MrsOrangejuice]

Congratulations. It's the most natural thing to be anxious - even if you hadn't been through so much trauma, just infertility will do it. The only ways I found to manage the anxiety were extra private scans and trying to think that this one is a completely new embryo and it's from scratch, even that because the previous ones had ended that gave me better odds of this one staying. Having said that, I also found that I went into a sort of self-protect mode where I didn't want to let myself get too hopeful and I was always expecting and ready for the bad news so that I wouldn't have been too shocked when it happened (whether that would have actually worked or not...). More recently I started to have thoughts that because I was beginning to accept it may just happen, and even buying baby stuff, that I would jinx it - crackers logic, but probably goes to show just how deep the worry is. You can't do any damage worrying about it though (my OH made some rather unhelpful comments about my stress levels and passing it on to the baby). Things like mindfulness may help - the sort of strategy when you get a negative thought, you acknowledge it, label it and let it go, not trying to stop the negative thought in the first place. But if you've been through trauma, you may need more support if you haven't tried those options already x

[SimsB in reply to MrsOrangejuice]

Thank you so much for taking your time to reply with such a helpful message and useful advice. I have been trying to process the news and relax but it’s hard but I guess I must just keep trying. I may look into booking some counselling sessions to discuss how I feel at the clinic too. I hope that everything goes really well for you, all the best!

[AN791]

Sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard time in the past 💕 sending you congratulations and positivity for now and the future You have got this wash the negative thoughts away and enjoy being pregnant 😘 xx