Am I wrong to go to fet feeling this way?

[Babyhope8]

Hi Ladies. Sorry for writing such post at 4 am my morning. Basically I’m heading for my fet next Friday with my one last embryo. I have no hope on this cycle? Is that ok to feel this way. I started this fertility treatments in 2018 and first miscarriage in April 2019 and second in April 2020, great timing I believe. I’m low amh so I din have great embryo no’s, first ivf it was four and second ivf it was 2. Everyone craves for bfp but for me even bfp and sky rocketing Hcg was never enough as I had previous miscarriages. We have always self funded all our cycles ivf and IUI included, should I not be super positive and happy for this last transfer. Why am I being so pathetic? It’s not that i I don’t want this fet to happen but I don’t hv any hope. What should I do? On the other hand my husband is praying and hoping this fet will finally give us a baby?

[Tiddly1984]

It’s definitely understandable that you’re cautious and not very optimistic given your past experiences. You’ve been through a lot and your current attitude is protective. I’m really sorry that you’ve been through so much. Going forward, my advice would be that if you can’t muster up some hope and enthusiasm, then at the very least try to relax and not to stress about your upcoming FET. I think stress is a huge contributing factor when it comes to failed pregnancy. Hoping for the best for you and your husband...x

[Babyhope8 in reply to Tiddly1984]

I used to have stress from work which won’t be there as I’m not working anymore. Other than that TWW is usually stressful close to Test date

[JenniferKimberley]

Don’t beat yourself up about feeling this way, you are just protecting your heart, and there is nothing wrong with a little self preservation.

Try ( if you can) to think positively about the procedure itself, but not let your mind rest on the outcome for now.

I have everything crossed for you 🤞🤞😘

[Babyhope8 in reply to JenniferKimberley]

Trying to listen to spiritual songs and divert my mind

[LeahLoo]

I know exactly what you mean. It is sometimes the only way I can get through. Preparing for the worst. I am in 2Ww at the minute with Donor egg cycle and am feeling crap. Day by day I’m losing hope. Just try and focus on here and now. What you are doing today, then tomorrow etc. My sister always tells me off for being so negative but I don’t believe It can directly affect the outcome xx

[Babyhope8 in reply to LeahLoo]

True staying positive is more exhausting

[Rainbowbaby92]

Hi babyhope I read your post and I just wanted to say I feel exactly the same! I had a CP in August and we’ve gone straight for a FET this month I had it transferred on Tuesday. Honestly, I feel numb to it almost like it’s like any other procedure whereas last time I was so nervous and stressed. I don’t honestly think I will feel excited if I get a positive, I’ve had 2 MC now and never got to a scan 😕 I just wanted to let you know that your feelings are normal and I think it’s a way we protect ourselves as we know all the things that could go wrong. Sending you lots of love and baby dust xx

[Babyhope8]

Good to know that , it’s normal to feel this way. Sometime I doubt have I become a person who has no feelings. Tc rainbowbaby, and all the best for your fet

[Sparklylife]

I am sorry for what you have gone through, and like people have said - it would be normal to go into protective mode. So don’t be so hard on yourself for how you are feeling.

Have you perhaps tried counselling?

I have read some books about the mind/body connection - that might help too perhaps.

I do wish you all the best for your upcoming FET - may this be the one! 🤞🥰

[Babyhope8 in reply to Sparklylife]

Yes I had done counseling. It helps temporarily,

[Rainbow1982]

So sorry to hear what you're going through.

I don't believe stress contributes to bfp or has any effect on miscarriage.

Bad things happen, but not due to the amount of stress you're under.

Just try to chill as much as you can.

I find deep breathing and listening to meditation before I go to sleep really helps.

Search for 'Becs' on FB. facebook.com/BecsUK/

She does mediumship, which I'm not into, but she also does great meditation.

I hope this helps and I hope your FET is successful.

Xx

[Babyhope8 in reply to Rainbow1982]

Thanks will definitely check

[Cwhw]

I'm exactly the same. I'm about to embark on our sixth round and I've had 2 miscarriages. I feel the same way you do, but the way I look at it is that there must be some level of hope there otherwise we wouldn't put our bodies through this. But the negative feelings are natural, they will creep in and faking positivity will be way harder and more tiring. Unfortunately it is outside of our control. But know that beneath all the negativity is just hope for something you want so badly. And where there's hope there's possibility. Best of luck, hope this is the time for both if us xx

[Babyhope8 in reply to Cwhw]

All the best for your journey. Hope this time baby dust is on us!

[Babyhope8]

infertility can cause serious mental health issues. I’m a different person now than I was 3 yrs Bck before I started this ivf IUI journey

[Hidden in reply to Babyhope8]

100% agree with this, I don’t recognise myself any more - I think it’s normal xx

[Hidden]

Hi, I think it’s very normal and self protection. I am very much the same - the last few rounds I have had very little hope and no matter how hard I’ve tried I couldn’t find positivity

When you have had a mix of failed rounds and MC there is little hope because all you have ever experienced is heartbreak and disappointment - so I think it’s very normal to feel like this

Don’t beat yourself up about it, just keep doing the right things and hopefully this will be your time xx

[Babyhope8 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Daisy for the kind words. All the best for your journey

[JanuaRuna]

Hi Babyhope8

I do so understand your feelings, i was in your shoes in july. Totally defeted, no hope but still one egg. I went into my fet thinking I just want this be over, after 6 failed ones I just want it to be over, stop all this medications which I had been on for more or less straight in 15 months.

The 2ww wait was not dreadful this time because I just didn’t care, so positive it was just like all the others.

I did not test early, i did not test sfter 2ww, I tested ar around day 17.

And there it was..2lines and now 14w.

I am not saying it works, but I am saying it is normal to feel that way, it should not effect your outcome. It is your mind protecting you, because he knows how others round have gone.

Which you the best, be you, it is ok too feel all the scale from high to the low.

[Babyhope8 in reply to JanuaRuna]

Congrats Janua on your pregnancy. I hope my time will come some day

[UnicornKisses]

It is completely normal that you are feeling this way. When my husband & I saw our first ever bfp it was sort of like “awesome. this means nothing.” After going through so much you learn to keep your guard up & not let yourself be vulnerable. I am 32 weeks and have remained this way through most of my pregnancy. The way I look at it, if my hopes aren’t raised too high, the downward crash will be a lot more tolerable if things go wrong. I hope this transfer is the “one” for you ❤️

[Babyhope8 in reply to UnicornKisses]

All the best on your pregnancy. Tc

[fay2399]

I feel same... ivf drains the energy.. maybe would be your lucky one xx

[Babyhope8]

It sure does!