I feel like a work cop out

[try2020]

Hi ladies,

We just got our transfer date, the 19th, and I was due to give a big work talk 2 weeks later, one day before what will be OTD. I have been so stressed knowing these could align that I have chipped a tooth in my sleep. After another sleepless night I emailed me boss to say I couldn't take on the additional stress and workload at this time and they have been lovely about it but I feel like a cop out.

Has anyone else had to deal with these feelings about work?

Thanks for reading 🧡

[Lovemylion]

Not at all! You did the right thing. I think it's definitely important you put yourself first in this situation. This is a crucial point in your life which could potentially change your life. I would definitely not be sacrificing that for a work talk. The fact your so stressed you chipped a tooth is a big indicator. Trust your gut and you absolutely did the right thing!!! Do not feel like a cop out. I would also be reassured that work have been so good about it too. You don't need added stress. I'm sure the stress wouldn't affect the outcome anyway but us ladies don't need anymore excuses to punish ourselves with "what if". Xxxx

[Future1000 in reply to Lovemylion]

I totally agree with what you said 👍👍

[try2020 in reply to Lovemylion]

Thank you Lovemylion 🧡 you're spot on about trusting your gut, I find it hard to say no to things but I knew deep down I couldn't do it all, not without running myself ragged. Thank you 😍 and I have the dentist tomorrow 🤣 xx

[Hidden]

There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first.

[try2020 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Lawnie 🧡

[XOXO13]

You’ve definitely done the right thing… and well done for doing so as well, as I think it takes a lot of strength to say you can’t do something.

I feel like a big work failure, for the past 18 months I’ve had a significant amount of time out of work, some using annual leave for treatment and others using sick leave when it’s all gotten a bit much. But then my boss reminds me that this is the biggest thing in my life I’m going through and it’s way more important so not to ever worry about it. I’m good at my job, and when I’m there I give it my everything but when I’ve a lot going on, it has to take a back seat and that’s okay because this is short term in the grand scheme of things. I have a very supportive boss so it does make a difference of course, but I have struggled with that feeling of letting work down by taking a step back - it’s conflicting feelings! I haven’t progressed as much as I’d like but then again, the most important thing in my life is to become a mummy so that’s my number one priority and focus right now. Work is secondary to that.

Look after yourself, you deserve this time 💗☘️ Xx

[try2020 in reply to XOXO13]

Thank you XOXO I'm sorry you have had a rough ride at work too, I'm sure you are not a work failure! I'm glad your boss is supportive, mine is too but without talking about it, think they feel a bit awkward about it. The conflicting feelings are tough as I can't help but think that everyone is under the pump at work AND has some kind of shit going on so why should I be treated differently.... but you are right this is more important, thank you 🧡🧡

[IMax93]

Don’t feel like a cop out or guiltily at all you’ve done the right thing! You don’t need to put undue pressure on yourself and need to prioritise you’re journey and well-being.

My first round I ploughed through and was so stressed and it didn’t work, on my current round I’ve taken a step back and taken more days off etc and haven’t been taking on any new projects at work as we need to give ourselves the best chance and also if it doesn’t work time to accept it.

All the best for your transfer. Xx

[try2020 in reply to IMax93]

Thank you IMax, I think I got a fright this morning when I realised if I didn't say something now I'd be, like you say, ploughing on through and it would have gotten ugly..... I'm used to sucking up shitty work hours but this would have put me well into the opposite state of what I need to try to be! good luck with you cycle and thank you 🥰

[Char2383]

You’ve done the right thing 100%, don’t beat yourself up about it, your future family is so much more important!

I’m speaking to my GP today as I’m just going into my 3rd transfer. I’ve managed the last 2 moving shifts around and taking annual leave but honestly I’m exhausted from it. I want to rest after this transfer and I’m hoping my GP will sign me off for a couple of days afterwards. My boss has been very understanding so far.

I was also given a project to lead on and I’ve had to say it’s too much, I just don’t have the headspace for it so I’m not the right person for the job. We have to prioritise our physical and mental health, IVF takes a lot of energy!

Be kind to yourself and wishing you all the best with your transfer, I think we might be on the same day 🤞🏼✨🐣

[try2020 in reply to Char2383]

Thanks Char 🧡 I am drained mentally and physically and emotionally by the IVF process, more than I realised I was. I think finally getting a date for the transfer upped the stress levels considerably 😬 I hope you get your days off and good luck too with your transfer!! 🥰🥰 I start the progesterone tomorrow yikes!

[Icsi_Wincy_Spider]

Hi try2020 don't feel guilty or like a failure - like my boss always reminds me "work is only PART of your life, not your whole life" 😘😘

[try2020 in reply to Icsi_Wincy_Spider]

Thanks Wincy 🥰 I like your boss 😀 I am seeing a therapist and we talk about this a lot, unfortunately my Dad only lived to work and instilled that in us so I am having to sort out my work life balance... easier said than done but I feel good now about my decision. Thanks again 🧡

[Icsi_Wincy_Spider in reply to try2020]

I know exactly what you mean.

I pride myself on my reliability and punctuality at work but ivf doesn't allow that all the time (I have to fit scans in when the clinic can, plus my acupuncture etc) but we have to remember this is much more important. Best of luck with everything 😘😘 xxx

[Hidden]

100% you’ve done the right thing!!!Something that I have come to learn about coping with stress and busyness during our fertility journey’s, is that just because you may feel like you can, or that you would feel bad if you don’t, doesn’t mean that you should.

Stress is a compartment of our bodies and minds - and when that gets full with something (like infertility), you can’t add anything else to it. So you have to make choices of what stress you’re going to take on - and fertility health is pretty much always the priority over other stresses.

You may feel like you could do both, but you were right to say that you shouldn’t - and from the sounds of it, your work would agree with your decision.

Good luck with the transfer, fingers crossed x💕

[try2020 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lulu 🧡 you are so right, I always think I can take something on, even if it means late nights and weekends working, I realised for the first time that the cost of doing that would just be too great a risk to take, I just have to get over my feelings of guilt and wanting to please people 🤦‍♀️ I already feel less stressed, thanks 🥰🥰

[Hidden in reply to try2020]

You do hun. Feels selfish, but it’s all about self-care and dumping the guilt! Women always carry so much guilt, but you have to treat your body and mind with that same caring nature 😘 Good luck 💕🤞🏼

[RhinoCat]

I am so proud of you for asking for what you need! You’re my hero 🤩🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[try2020 in reply to RhinoCat]

Awe thank you Rhino 🤣😍 you are too sweet! xxx

[RecipIVF]

Don’t feel bad putting yourself first, you deserve it! This is such a hard time, be extra kind to yourself. Well done for standing up and stating what you need. Good luck 💕

[try2020 in reply to RecipIVF]

Thank you RecipIVF 🧡 xx

[try2020]

I just want to say thank you to you all, you made me feel so much better about my decision and not to feel guilty about it. You are the reason why I love this forum, it really is (in my opinion) the kindest and most supportive infertility I have come across, thank you 🧡🧡🧡