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Fertility Network UK
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Feeling like I failed

It was our test today and unfortunately our first cycle didn't work. I just feel so down and deflated I just don't know how to get through it. Even when someone says something really nice I just want to burst into tears and hide away.

As we only get one funded cycle on the Nhs does anyone know how long it takes to try again self funded?

Wishing everyone else all the best with their journeys


13 Replies

So sorry to hear that, it doesn't seem fair that some regions pay for one cycle and others pay for two. The funding really is a postcode lottery.

Give yourself time to come to terms with what's happened. You'll need to give your body time to recover too and your periods will need to regulate again. I think they usually recommend two or three months between cycles.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve.

Wishing you all the best for your future journey xx

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Sorry to hear your first cycle didn't work. xx

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Hi really sorry it hasn't worked. I was told to wait to have 2 periods, I feel based on how I responded to my first treatment I should have waited longer, so listen to your body, as rushing it did me no favours & I'd hate you to do the same. Good luck x


I'm so sorry it failed. My first cycle failed and I was told I had to wait for 2 normal cycles to start again. I decided to wait about 6 months as I was too devastated after the first cycle and wanted to be emotionally ready.

I know how horrible it is after it fails, the disappointment, the what ifs, but there's nothing you could have done differently. Take each day at a time, you need time to grieve before you can focus on doing this all again.

Best of luck and take care x

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Thank you all for your messages, I'm just feeling very strange at the moment, I just don't know what to do with myself. One minute I feel I think I'll be ok, then I just feel really sad.

I am so grateful for this site for all the support it gives and the lovely people who reach out to you.

Wishing you all the best with your journeys! And good luck to you all X


Didn't want to read and run. Really sorry just take strength where you can and like the others said take all the time you need. Good luck to you xx

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Thank you Daisy, wishing you all the best with your outcome Xx


Hi reach 316. We found out our first and only funded cycle failed 2 weeks ago. I'm still finding it hard but am focusing on follow up appointment to keep me sane! Have you booked yours yet? I'm also considering taking up councilling as recommended by ladies on here to help make sense of it and make sure I'm emotionally in right place for cycle 2. Wishing you all the best. X


I am so sorry. I too was in your place the day of May 29th. Will never forget that dreaded phone call of my beta results. My knees buckled and I fell to the floor crying like a small child. Oh my, the pain was so bad. I literally had a nervous breakdown. I actually did the unthinkable and left my husband because that to me was the end all. I couldn't provide a baby after I made us spend ALL this money. Since I live in the United States, there aren't a lot of places that help alleviate the cost. We paid over 10k not including meds. I was so crushed. The thought still runs through my head and I feel like crying but faith and time has helped heal so much. Life just doesn't let your forget an experience like that. Your going to have to go through the emotions 100% and let it just happen and don't think that anything is crazy. I acted crazy. I even let myself at one point start talking about it to my friends and it helped heal. I was giving my raw emotions and it felt so good to cry like that. Sometimes we need that as females facing this infertility challenge. Please please know that a month from now, the pain will be easier. You gotta get to that. I honestly feel I needed to go through it. I appreciate now the whole process. My husband and I went into the cycle saying we didn't want twins (for financial reasons) so we transferred one embryo and it didn't work. Now, I know that we want twins, we want a baby. I will take whatever God gives me. It's a learning curve. Let your emotions come through as you wish and don't worry what others say or do. Most of the time I found most everyone being totally supportive towards me. I had friends write me privately telling me they were secretly going through fertility treatments and felt alone but somehow got relief off me and my story. Stay strong.......


Hello sweetie. I'm so so sorry it didn't work. First of you have not failed. This is not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. Secondly they like to leave it a couple of months before you go again. So your body can have a bit of rest. I found it useful in that time relax do stuff I loved doing. Ready to go again. Very important. Take care sweetie. Lots and lots of love. Xxx


Sorry to hear this cycle didn't work. I felt so shocked that our first round didn't work as everything had gone as expected. Take some time to recover emotionally and physically. We were told to have at two periods between attempts but we had longer due to other issues and that was probably a good idea.

Good luck.


I too am so sorry your first cycle didn't work and totally appreciate the emotions you are going through. I still haven't decided whether I can mentally go through with it again yet, its so tough!! Also found out after mine i have endometriosis and fluid in one of my tubes so am getting that sorted out first. But 3 months down the line it definitely hurts less. I think we also have to remember that our hormones are also all over the place going through this which doesn't help. We shouldn't beat ourselves up about it but allow ourselves to feel rubbish, we are only human! Good luck to all x

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I wish you all the best who are going through the IVF process.

What I found hard to struggle with is the depression you can fall into without support.

I had no support from friends and family did not know what to say or do they just saw this very sad person longing to have a child to hold.

It has been 30yrs since my IVF treatment failed and I still miss the longing to hold a baby in my arms.

To help me I have a small lapdog who gives me a lot of love.

She has real hair so I can bath her which I do monthly

I dry her in a towel and blowdry her.

She adores lots of cuddles.

I wish there was a Local Support Group to help us.

This is the only Support Group I have found.

I live in Bristol.

How do others find support when times are low?


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